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PLANET RS

Fascination with poop is a time honoured , er, fascination. Kids will dive right into the matter. Hollywood can't think of any other kind of jokes. And yet, the crapper is the best place to think up ideas. Point in case, this week we have the new vehicle from Finding Bangladesh: thought up on a potty, built around one and named after one too. Hit our centre to find out more.

-- Ehsanur Raza Ronny, RS Editor


Math the useful kind

By Orin

"What is seven times eight?” demands the teacher. Mustering all the courage and knowledge he possesses of mathematics, the seven-and-a-half year old meekly answers. And it all starts from there. Seems like one moment they ask you to divide all kinds of summer fruits among your friends, the next moment they are using you to size down their workforce for some unknown reason or worse: they are making you calculate the elusive x. “We have taught him all, he is now ready for real life,” they think, while they watch you struggle in the exam hall. Fast forward a few years and you need your mobile to convert kilometers into meters and the whole battle is lost. It is not exactly our fault though. What uses are pi's and e's when you are figuring out the appropriate number of guests at a party without making it crowded? What use is there of interest formulas when you are giving money to a friend who never pays back?

The maths that continues to haunt our lives lack a touch of real life and this is exactly what we plan to change. Here's what we think math courses should include:

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The pantaloons hypothesis: H is the area of undies shown for wearing your pants too low. If H is greater than zero you have exceeded the douchebag threshold. Also included in the pantaloons hypothesis is the launders theorem - the number of times you can wear a piece of clothing without stink lines coming out of your body is always one less than what you think. Number of times you can wear a jeans without washing is infinity minus one.

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The slumber rule:
The hours of sleep you get is equal to the hours of sleep you need (s) minus your mom's impatience or anger level that day (i) to the power of days bua has been absent (d).

Sleep you get without threats=s-id

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The bathers' law: The number of showers you think you need per week is always 2 more than you think.

The excuse spectrum: While trying to spot excuses, excuses like 'my tortoise ate my homework' and zombie apocalypse falls into the 'Somewhat Believable' category, while anything about grandparents passing away, earthquakes and sudden changes in Facebook leading to mental breakdown falls into the 'I-couldn't-even-come-up-with-a-proper-lie' end of the scale.

The parenting model: The number of things you can get away with from your parents is always 3 less than your younger sibling but one more than your older one.

Now these are maths. The kind that matters.

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The travellers' principles: a. the probability of reaching a destination in Dhaka if you started the same day is zero.

b. The time needed to reach a destination (T) is: distance (d) multiplied by the ganjam level of the street crowd (g) that day divided by the craftiness of your chauffeur (c). It has to be noted that velocity of the vehicle does not influence T. Also in cases of rain or political fandangos, it is multilied by 4.

Time spent sulking in the car = -----

c. When waiting for a friend, the amount of time they say they will take (t) always has to be multiplied by 2.5, regardless of their distance.

d. During Eid time, the number of hours you need to go to desher bari is at least 20 more than you anticipate.

Time you have to spend waiting and cursing= 2.5 X t

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The bill division: In a restaurant, the portion of the bill that you have to end up paying is equal to the moochiness level of your friends (m) to the power of your naivety (n), plus minus the probability of the girl you have a crush on being there (p).
Portion of bill grudginly paid = mm+p

 

 


People said things. We said things. We all had a merry time. But no cake.

Afnan Bin Ashraf
What is up with cakes so much up here?

Cake makes the world (go) round - RS

Shoumik Hassin
Is the first line of The Dark Knight Rises review supposed to be a disclaimer about the theatre shootings or the set up to the story about how the author snuck in to the screening? If it was a set up to the story then it's kind of horribly tasteless.

It was a disclaimer. We would have to be a special kind evil otherwise. - RS

Aadiyat Ahmad
Ibrahim, you ought to get your facts right. Every single Italian club must have tried to get Giggs back in 2003, yet you said that no club has ever tried to sign him.
Ahmad Ibrahim Speculation, rumours in the media are different from actual, concrete offers.

Peter Estawy Mcwolf
Getting cake is cakewalk. Sadly, you don't know how to cakewalk. Maybe we should ask the Moonwalker?

The Rising Stars A cakewalk could be an awesome dance move - a sluggish zombie move, but with the occasional slippery fall. Like walking on cake.

Rifah Nanziba
This week's issue was cool but to hell with maturity! I'll still be fed by my mother when I grow up (I am a teenager now) and will still (check the dark corner of) the bathroom door before entering.

And run out screaming when the electricity fails? Some of us still do that. Stupid Grudge! - RS

Mustabeen Qazi
What was your favourite part in the Olympic opening ceremony guys?
Peter Regal Whittam The moment when the British sang "God Save The Queen" and then threw her off a helicopter. Granted, it was a fake one, but hey, the gesture's the same.

Raef Rahman
We can live in two ways - 'nothing is a miracle' or 'everything is a miracle'!

Einstein forgot to account for the fact that nothing might be everything. Miracles! Miracles everywhere! - RS


Maths... pfft!

The only time a pie chart is appropriate is at a baker's convention.

If I had only one day left to live, I would live it in my statistics class: it would seem so much longer.



   

 

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