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"Finally I can yell at my sister," that's how my 6-year old nephew best summed up Eid last year. For him it was a month-long torture because Ramadan is abstinence. You can't yell at your siblings, at least not out loud. THAT's abstinence. Hiding from food and drinks is easy. Of course, being out in the streets during Ramadan, you wouldn't think anybody was fasting. Curses fly like spittle at a debate tournament for people who stutter. Oh, there was spittle too, in torrents. You'd think during Ramadan people need a break from their vices. Turns out, things get so tense, people need a break from people. And that's Eid bringing about a less jam packed city.

From all of us at the dungeons of Rising Stars, Eid Mubarak. We've all earned a break.

~ Ehsanur Raza Ronny, RS Editor


Surviving Eid Shopping

By Rannia Shehrish

Eid is just round the corner and last minute shoppers are flooding the already overflowing markets. If you are one of the unfortunates being dragged to a mall or New Market, we sympathise with you. And respect your bravery. After all it's not everyday we get to see such valiant people in Dhaka.

'Tis a tale as old as time. A beloved female figure of the maternal variety comes up to you and asks you to get ready, 'We are going shopping, honey.' Survival Tactic 1: Don't go; unless you want to be stepped on, stared at, or worse, poked.

So, after weighing the odds and measuring how many hours you won't be staying on Facebook, you decide to deny the lady. Survival Tactic 2: Don't say no directly. It will only get you an earful of shouting followed by stern looks, and definitely not out of shopping. Try reverse psychology. Tell her you really want to go but your Sir has given you a lot of homework. Talk some more about the painful homework you are burdened with. Make sure you have the puppy-dog face on. She is bound to soften up seeing your pain and let you stay home. Take this from someone who is a girl - females can be softened up with a little self-induced pity.

But the female you're dealing with reacts differently. Don't blame me, blame the government for closing all the schools. Never thought you'd miss doing homework, did you?

Having no other options, you reluctantly get ready and enter the crammed streets. You sit grudgingly on the rickshaw that moves an inch every other hour. The lady next to you talks endlessly, but you take no notice of it. Your thoughts are searching for options to keep you entertained. Survival Tactic 3: it is better to continue thinking than committing an action. Remember you will be wasting precious and much-needed energy and also you have nowhere to escape if she doesn't take your gestures or comments nicely.

By the time you reach the market, you are completely drenched. Survival Tactic 4: in crowded places sweat is one's best friend. Sweat results in body odour which people hate. And therefore they will stay away from you. Just make sure you stink so much that people can smell it for miles. People don't want to be in contact with your drenched clothes. So you will be pushed around less.

You might also want to stay around someone… pouffy. They take up more space and people tend to avoid them. If you follow one, a path will definitely be cleared for you. Therefore, Survival Tactic 5: fat shall lead you to salvation.

After the long drawn out purchase operation you are heading towards the exit. Take a proud step outside. You prevailed. Pat yourself on the back with appreciation and maybe buy yourself something. But do so discreetly. Survival Tactic 6: never let the lady know you're happy, even if it's because you survived. There are chances this will encourage her to take you shopping next time as well.

Wait, she already saw you celebrating? Well, the next Eid is two and a half months away. Plenty of time to disappear.


Smile like you've never typed before
Next gen emoticons

By Jawad

P(-_-)P Don't Kill Me, I Surrender
Internet. Here you will be mercilessly massacred if you misspell just a 'there' or 'their' - which is reasonable by the way. Here you sometimes have to admit you are wrong. This emoticon is you holding the white flag in deep regret and sorrow for your lack of brain cells and a plea to leave your family members alone.

(^_^) The Sarcasm
No one makes their eyes curved like this while keeping their lips straight. This is the emoticon for sarcasm, because sometimes people are oblivious to the point of utter stupidity about the fate of humanity.

(`\\\`) The Blush or the I-Cut-My-Face-With-A-Razor
Let's face it. Even though we are brown skinned and blushing probably doesn't exist for us, we sometimes do feel hot around the collars. Used in those cases. Or if you want to be an "emo"-ticon. Geddit?

(`_`) The Poker Face
Devoid of emotion. Something that can be used when your partner on the other end blabbers on about his/her miseries and you couldn't care less. Can also be used as a Chinese Man.

(^c^)oO The Fart
Used between guy friends. To express the relieving sensation of farting (look at the face). If you are a girl, use it to show that you are thinking and it is taking a strain on you.

(TvT) The Cry of Happiness
Exactly as it looks. Also to express that your face is a TV. Not really.

:{|} The Duckface
Because sometimes you just can't help it. It is very effective against people who have the inane fear that somewhere a duck his watching him (anatidaephobic). Another variation is the Dr. Quack 8{|} - a duck with glasses.

/(OoO)\ The OMG
You know the feeling when you are surprised so much that your eyes and mouth go as round as coins and you put your hands over your head? This emoticon is for that purpose. Or if you have threes eyes.

:Q The Drool
A friend is describing the food he is going to serve at the party tomorrow. Use this; it will make him want to invite you. Be careful of trying this in real life though; actual drool is frowned upon.

(^*^) The sniper
Suppose you want to hire a hitman to kill someone who gave away an important plot point of The Dark Knight Rises (we do not advise this, a hitman is too soft a punishment for the people who spoil TDKR). The * is the laser point a sniper makes.

. The Fullstop
Use this when a sentence ends, instead of using :P. Legend has it, this was in vogue once upon a time.

Until next time /('__') (salute).


People said things. We said things. We all had a merry time. But no cake.

Hossain Al Wasi
Bodnas are awesome. My most favourite is the Military Camouflaged ones.

Camo-Bodnas: Because every dump is an adventure and every fart is an artillery shell. - RS

Nish Tabz
Great job on the article line up guys; cover page about food, turned over, and it's about toilets!

It's the circle of life. Who are we to go up against it? - RS

Mubtasim Sirhan
Did anyone else notice in the Babu comic, the guy on the bus (the left most) has brown hair? Then his hair becomes black in the next square.

Babu Hair Dye - Instant effect within a panel. Who wants? - RS

Annoyíng Ayon
I was sitting in train today, coming home, while reading 'Doesn't mean I'm lost'.

TRAINCEPTION!

Musarrat Rashidi Joty
I like dates. I mean the fruit. Also, what is our national dish?

BTV. - RS

Tauhidul Islam Khan Rashique
The kid on the front page gets to eat so many plates of Iftaar of his own? Now I am hungry. RS should treat all of us for Iftaar.

Did you know that paper is edible? - RS

Wasique Hasan
Try.

No. - RS




   

 

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