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Is it just me, or is everything pretty scary?

By Numaya

It starts in the morning when the alarm sets off without warning, sending chills down my spine. I mean really, a Phonophobiac like me shouldn't be subjected to such loud noises. I shiver as I press the off button. But then again, I have to get up otherwise those loose hairs on my bed will make knots of fear in my stomach. Trichophobia is no joke, yet you laugh at me. Have you ever found that horrid loose strand of hair under the pile of food on your plate? No? You're a lucky one.

I try to force myself into brushing my teeth, but you see Ablutophobes rarely ever want to enter bathrooms. But I do, because of course bad smells are excruciatingly frightening. I walk to my cupboard, trying to find something to wear but the thought of changing clothes worries me. What if my head gets stuck and I suffocate? What if they don't fit? Hey, Vestiophobia is a pretty common problem. Some people are afraid of spiders; others of clothing. They don't wear clothes, and want to rip off those donned by others. We can already see men just paying a little more attention as they read this. Studies show however, Vestiophobia doesn't single out attractive women, but is more common amongst potato-shaped middle-aged European men. Are the visuals to your satisfactions?

Anyways, I can't sit around pondering forever. I need to choose something to wear, but there are way too many clothes. I mean, my mother says I have Decidophobia, but I have to disagree. It's just that the thought of picking one from a hundred outfits is pretty intimidating.

I pick up my books from the table before heading out and realise that I've done none of my assignments. It's just that diving into that insurmountable sea of knowledge is kind of scary, and I'd rather just procrastinate. Maybe I have Epistemophobia.

I surely have Phagophobia. No it's not what you're thinking. I'm just scared of swallowing food, in case I choke and die and stuff. Explains why I've always been a bit of a lanky female for my age. Ever sat on the toilet seat for an hour, shivering and not because of constipation? If so, like me, you've got Defecaloesiophobia. Yes, I'm the freak who's scared of bowel movements.

Anyways, I have to leave the house or I'll be late for school. I'd walk, but Agryophobes are too scared to cross roads. And the bus has too many germs, so I get my mother to drive me. And I don't forget to apply disinfectant to every visible surface, just in case. Thank god I wasn't outside. Aerophobia would kill me and the wind was pretty heavy today.

Did I mention I go to an all girls' school? Yeah, men frighten the wits out of me. You probably think Androphobia sucks, but then again, I'll never have my heart broken. Love sucks, maybe it's just cause of the Philophobia, but I don't want to fall in love.

Also, have you ever seen a balding, obese, grey skinned and green whiskered man and started hyperventilating at the horrendous sight? Yes? You have Cacophobia, like me. It's made worse by my Chemistry teacher. Basically ugly things scare you. Including yourself. Plastic surgeons will be eternally thankful for this. When you're a serious cacophobe, you may develop Optophobia and be too scared to open your eyes in front of the mirror. Kind of self-explanatory bizarreness, but you learn to live with it.

At some point of the day I have a mini heart attack when I realise I've left my phone at home. My throat felt tight as the Nomophobia overcomes me; the thought of being out of mobile contact isn't a good one.

If you think the above are pretty bad, think again. What if you were scared of everything? Panophobia. We'll never know how common this is. Us panophobes fear the question, fear answering the question, fear being chased by strangers for an answer - it's a no-win situation. We fear managing the phobia. Or the thought of the fear of managing the phobia…


Suicide Notes
Author: Michael Thomas Ford

By Munawar Mobin
Rating: +15

"Let me tell something, seeing your name and psychiatric ward on the same piece of paper isn't the best way to start your day.”

As the quote suggests, Suicide Notes is a book about a 15 year old boy who tried to kill himself but was saved by his parents and was sent to a psychiatric ward. It's written from his point of view as a sort of a personal log book of experiences and past recollections involving his life and later on, the hospital.

I picked the book from my friend's dusty floor out of sheer curiosity; simple title, simple cover, and a weirdly named author. It's as if his parents had picked out first names from their favourite movies and strung them together, playing them along as a name for their child. The reason I include this retarded thought is because that's exactly how the book turns out to be.
As you turn each page you realise that each of the stories seem more and more like everything you hear about everyday, or watch on television. Even with that sense of familiarity, it doesn't get boring or monotonous. It's an interesting read all throughout, involving the little boy and his thoughts of the psych ward.

At first the author makes the boy seem like a sarcastic little smart aleck; people being the only thing he hates more than himself. As the book progresses, the character seems to change; and since this is written from his perspective, it gives off the idea that the character knows that he himself is changing. You want to know why he thought about slitting his wrists, so much so that it's hard not to skip to the end. It's almost voyeuristic, having such insight into a person's life. But that's the case with most stories, we just never realise it.

A sudden twist in the end and a total 180 degree turn makes this book a surprising little treat. Add it to your list, or go buy it now.


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