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Making your bones

By The Kopite

One fine day, you decide to start your own gang. It's about time, you think, to step-up and get noticed. Sure, you knew there would be grunt work involved when you accepted this position as a Boro bhai's servant, but too long have you slaved away in the shadows, not recognised for the needless compliments, the fake laughs when the jokes seemed as funny as genocide and not even for your expertise in extortion. No, it's time to hoof it alone. You need to shed this tag of 'underling' and, preferably, the nickname 'Jolil the Kamla' along with it. But you have no clue how to go about this business. So, naturally, we oblige and provide you with a step-by-step guide to create your very own syndicate.

Step 1: Create a facebook group
Why not? This seems like the way to go for everything these days. The main dilemma for you, and this is probably the most difficult decision of your life, is to decide between creating a group or a fan page. This is as far as we can assist, because the toughest choices must come from within. Once you have done that, put up your notice for recruitment along with your phone number. It's probably wise to not hold your breath for the phone to ring and no, don't even dare to hope that a girl might finally call you, cause that just won't happen. Share a few Justin Bieber vs green vegetable photos there for good measure.

Step 2: The meet
After weeks (sometimes months or possibly longer) of strenuous campaigning you finally have a respectable number of interested participants. Now is the time for meeting them and prepping them for the long journey ahead. The location must be carefully chosen so as to clearly highlight the fact that you frequent places with good vantage points to observe girls. This will add to your credentials. Throughout the meet, you must remember to use words like 'Pinik' and 'Thikase Bhaa' frequently and not to make fun of the nerdy kid's glasses (he is, after all, one of the only two who did show up). Shower them with promises of domination and grandeur and assign them nicknames with suffixes like 'The Wrench' or 'The Hitter'. Afterwards, take a dramatic leave, without paying for your food, of course.

Step 3: Marking your territory
Now that you are entering the big leagues, it's best to lay down markers so people can recognise your turf. The reasons for this are absolutely non-existent, since you won't be having any turf wars with rival gangs (you ARE under curfew at home from seven in the evening). But everyone does it, so you'd be stupid not to follow what everyone does mindlessly. So, how do you do this? Why, by spray-painting your gang initials, of course. Acquire the cans of spray-paint either by scavenging for them in places where the walls have been blighted by stupid misspelled words or convince one of your more gullible cronies to buy them for you. After that, the walls of Dhaka are your oysters. No seriously, we don't condone vandalism. But this is your duty. Make sure to put in a few typos during your spraying.

Step 4: Chillaxin'
Now that you have successfully pulled all that off, sit around with your minions (feels good to have some, right?) and drink tea all day, dissing about one thing or the other. Perhaps one day soon, you too shall have your own bike, where you will sit, clad in shiny amour, as people cater to your wishes for absolutely no reason. But baby steps first.


University? Wait till you get there!

By Tashfia R. Anika

Two months of University life and I'm living the best days of my life, till my Management professor informs us out of the blue - midterm's coming soon. Suddenly pulled down to earth, I realise how much I've been swayed away from regular studies in the midst of all the awesome fun. Without much ado, I promise myself to get serious about studies as soon as I get home that very day.

I come home late afternoon, too tired to even feed my long neglected growling tummy; but nevertheless do so and jump right into my comfy, soft, sweet bed that I left so early in the morning. When finally, I gather the courage to go through the chapters of the assigned books, my brain and I agree that it's a little too much to get into my head at once; hence, must be dealt with when the time's right.

With days passing by full of frivolous jokes and laughs in the table-and-chair-less IBA canteen, a bell finally rings - only four days remain to midterm. I haven't studied a word outside the four-walls of the classroom, and that only triggers the coming of one inevitable fact. I quickly change my Facebook status to - I'm doomed.

People, a good number of them, told me that the first semester plays a significant, or should I say, the most important part of the final CGPA with which you graduate, which in turn plays an even more significant role in determining the first job you get hired for; thereby, determining the salary you'll get and what your future life is going to be like. Now, many would argue that CGPA is not the sole factor in getting high-paid jobs, but no matter what they say - CGPA does play a big role. A slightly larger one if you're willing to get a post-graduate degree from a considerably renowned University abroad.

CGPA. Those might become the most hated or the most beloved four letters in your life when you get into a university. The thing is, what every renowned university, every big shot job in this world want from you (other than basic knowledge on a specific field), is a pure solid hard worker regardless of the amount of talent you have, which comes way later. A really good indicator of your threshold to work hard is those, cutting sharp CGPA, and you are tied to this mindless, merciless student's quality indicator for the rest of your life. Maybe not for the rest of your life, but at least the consequences of it.

What is this CGPA I keep ranting about, you ask? The acronym expands to Cumulative Grade Point Average. Basically, points are assigned to your grades (A=4, B+=3.5, B=3 and so on and so forth) and the average is calculated. Here's the trick, universities usually have foundation course at first, which are easy to do well in if you pay a little attention. But of course, most people get overwhelmed by the “university” of it all and often don't do very well. And no matter how well you do in your courses later on, the GPA is divided among an increasing number of courses, which makes it harder to increase it.

So, if you've totally messed up your first couple of semesters in the midst of all the joyous celebrations and relaxing hours and ended up with only one A out of let's say, five courses, then you're practically, but not essentially: screwed.

Six months ago, I would've readily disregarded anything related to CGPA discussions as nerdish and too soon to be dealt with, but as you can see, things change. God! I hate university!



 

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