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Guidance Note Series 8
Developing communication skills

Amitava Basu

It is not only important to sustain conversation, but equally important is to earn acceptance and appreciation by others. This depends on how you express yourself. The eighth instalment of the Guidance Note Series on “Developing Communication Skills” discusses this aspect.

Introduction
Communication is a two way process. Therefore, it should not be made a monologue. Remember, there is difference between speech and conversation.

You as well as the other person with whom you are conversing should speak; and speak in decent language and congenial manner. This would make the conversation interesting and meaningful. The question is what should be done to make a conversation interesting and enjoyable so that people would like to meet you again.

Allow Others to Speak
Never try to dominate in a conversation. Give the other person time to speak, listen carefully to what he says, and respond to him taking a few pauses so that you have time to observe his body language and gauge his reaction to what you are saying. Be brief and to the point.

Be Helpful
Sometimes it happens that a person is struggling to express his thoughts or trying to find the right word or phrase. Do not cast sarcastic look or display your enjoyment at the other person's inability to find the proper vocabulary. Prompt him the right word or help him to express what he is trying to communicate. This would bring a feeling of comfort and ease. The person would not be shy to converse and you would gain his friendship.

Avoid Dampening Enthusiasm
A conversation could fruitfully proceed when both parties find interest in talking. To maintain interest, avoid repeatedly interrupting the other person and preventing him from conveying his thoughts. This is likely to give an impression to the other person that you are trying to point out he is incorrect or what he is saying is not to your liking. The proper way to deal a situation where you feel the other person is talking something wrong or irrelevant is to politely express your views with reasoning that would help him to understand where he is wrong. And, this would be appropriate stage in the conversation where you can make an innocent humour or narrate an anecdote to make your point and at the same time make the situation conducive.

Be Firm but not Aggressive
If you are a verbal bully who picks on anybody you come in contact with, you are relaying a message that you are aggressive. It is usually the characteristic of people who have no self-esteem and try to bolster their ego by threatening others with their manner of speaking and body language. Discard this.

On the other hand, be assertive and project yourself as someone who is positive and confident of what he is saying. Be firm in your talk and do not allow yourself to be bullied around, as that would imply that you do not have the ability to defend yourself and speak poorly of your personality.

Respect Other's Opinion
Every individual has the right to have his view. That view may not always agree with your opinion. You may and could disagree with the other's contention but the disagreement should be conveyed with reasons and in decent, gentleman's language. Simply put, learn to respect other's views and, where you do not concur with the other person's opinion, agree to disagree without insulting the person.

Be Confident
Confidence is a critical success factor in life, and this applies for successful communication. Whatever you speak, speak with confidence. That makes the other person listen to what you say. Any hesitation in your speaking causes distraction and damages your acceptability. Recall the discussion that we made in the first guidance note when it was said you communicate your thoughts better when you speak with conviction.

This does not mean that you show arrogance and present yourself as one who “knows it all”. Pride and arrogance are negative complexes that befriend people and spoil conversation. Be polite but firm, humble but not submissive, and friendly, not harsh.

Practice Break
In the last four series you had a long list of “Do s” and “Don't s”. You must be feeling loaded. Let's take a break for a fortnight before we proceed to the penultimate guidance note. This is an announced break unlike the one we had after the fourth guidance note. This break is again to give you time to practice what has been discussed so far.

It is practice that would give you the desired result. More you practice, sharper becomes your skills. So, we again meet on July 15 and by then you would surely develop better communication skills. Good luck!