Feature

Better Late, Than Never

Zannatul Lamea

PARENT-CHILDREN conflict of interest is the most common tug of war that each one of us has suffered at some point of our lives. Each party has their respective defensive stance, but the situation seldom changes. It would be much comforting if both sides for once actually put themselves in each other's shoes and analyzed the situation. And that's exactly what I have tried to do, as a frail attempt to make at least some minor changes in our perspectives.

Most parents have a common complain that kids these days are much closer to their peers and friends than to their parents. Well, guilty as charged. But that's only because being members of same cohort, we find it easier to communicate with friends. The root of major problems occurring between parents and children lies in a concrete term “Generation Gap”. If a parent can step down from the role of a “guardian” to the role of a “friend”, there is absolutely no reason why a child would not respond back. And how to do so? Well we kids just do not like being dominated and constantly be questioned about each of our activities. We expect some privacy, some space. We do not want a sneaky inspector keeping an eye on us and interrogating us like Sherlock Holmes. Of course a parent must guide the child and monitor their activities, but that needs to be done in a non-controlling manner. Be with us with your open suggestions, show us the paths and let us take our decision, don't push us to a way we don't want to go. Controlling parents result in bringing up a child who is unable to take his decisions and is overtly dependent.

Most parents measure a child's caliber in academic terms- a fatal mistake. We kids seek appreciation for whatever we are. Ask yourself, how many times have you really respected your child's decision and appreciated him for whatever his achievements are? Every kid is special in some way or the other. It is a mistake to judge everyone with the same benchmark. Regrets and sighs aimed at your child because he failed to fulfill your expectation would only worsen the situation. What would actually help are some insightful talks and positive words to motivate a child. We kids suffer from quite a lot in this transition period- jobs, education, problems with friends, living up to every one’s expectations- it's not so easy for us, really. And during this metamorphosis period what we really need is strong support and encouragement from parents, in a free flowing way.

I wouldn't say kids are absolutely innocent either. We spend all the money on hanging out and buying unnecessary things we like but don't even care to buy a card or something nice to make our parents feel special. Well, sometimes, we too need to let go the tug of war and cherish the bond. We need to appreciate or at least acknowledge the contribution of our parents in our lives.

I would not say I am the perfect child. I am bratty, arrogant and self-conscious, and most importantly, not to mention- extremely introvert. I prefer keeping my feelings to myself and do not reflect my positive feelings in a very nice way, let's say. But that doesn't necessarily mean I don't have feelings (as my parents seldom complain). I respect my parents for who they are, for what they have done for me and for their endless sacrifices, which I never would be able to compensate. I have climbed my way up from the very bottom, and that would not have been possible without their sincere contributions. I hope to make them proud one day, and bring the lost smile on their faces. This is just a silly attempt, better late than never, to let them know that I care, only in my own way.

[Dedicated to A.Z.M.Kamal Khan and Zohra Kamal my father and mother, without whom I would never have reached this far. Thanks for trusting me, for believing - that I can..]