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Guidance Note Series 9
Developing communication skills

Amitava Basu

Hope you had time to practice what have been discussed so far. Now, we will shift from how to make a conversation sustainable to dealing with difficult situations during the course of a conversation. The ninth instalment of the Guidance Note Series on “Developing Communication Skills” discusses how to deal with difficult conversation.

Introduction
At times, you may face situations when carrying on conversation may seem difficult. A good communicator should know how to avoid or overcome such situations. You will appreciate that it is not possible to provide an exhaustive list of difficult situations that may arise during the course of a conversation, because these circumstances are context specific. In this guidance note, we will discuss a few common instances of conversation becoming difficult and the possible ways to deal with such situation.

Avoid Controversial Topics
Discussing controversial topics such as politics is highly risky, because this may lead to people involved in the conversation taking tough positions and cause unpleasantness. It is desirable to avoid these topics. If the conversation flows into a controversial subject, try to change the discussion to a topic that makes people relaxed and happy to talk on.

Think what people usually like to talk on families, hopes, dreams, experiences and the likes. You would find this easily interests people and they would be itching to express their views and share their thoughts.

Put Questions Appropriately
Sometimes conversation turns difficult when the tone and manner of asking questions gives the impression of interrogation. Questions should be so worded that would help the flow of conversation. An excellent conversation question is one, which is easy to answer, does not cause offence, includes everyone in the conversation, and does not give a feeling to others that they would be judged by their responses. A few examples of conversation questions that get people talking are How would you spend your holidays? What is your idea of a relaxed evening? What is it that you would like to accomplish in life? and so on.

Sting Out of Rejection
Another example of conversation becoming difficult is rise of the feeling of rejection. For most people, rejection is unpleasant and stops them from talking. You need to take the sting out of rejection. For this, you should treat all responses as feedback and do not take them too personal. Adjust your approach to converse in a positive way.

Other Ways of Dealing
To effectively deal with difficult conversation situations, you need to get the right tone of delivery of words, attentively listen to the other person, be calm, pause and think before you speak, show empathy to others' feelings, be tactful, and express your sincere thoughts and accept the honest responses.

When you find that the conversation is lingering on to be difficult, you need to digress the conversation to another topic, or make a humour that lightens the situation, or call for a tea or coffee break that diverts people's attention and helps to calm down.

Think and Try
Think what you are going to say and try it out in your head first. That would give you some idea about how you would sound in the conversation.

Do you know how after the assassination of Julius Caesar, Mark Antony assessed the sentiment of the Roman public, paused in his deliberations, observed their behaviour and spoke in a manner and mode that radically changed the situation and brought it to his favour. If you do not know this incident, read William Shakespeare's play titled “Julius Caesar”.

You also can turn a difficult conversation situation into a normal and favourable one. It is only determination and practice that you need. Do not worry; you can also become a good communicator soon. Try, try and try again!