Feature

Oil-massage the ELITES!!

Shayera Moula

The modern world is the summation of crude (society), rude (bus driver), dude (friends), food (gorur burger) and nude (MTV VJs). It's a simple circle of existence all until one fine day when a new non-rhyming word gets added to the list job! Yes, you are required to get into a job, which can have its own set of verse sob (due to low salary), rob (money from the workplace) and knob (the bump on your head after being caught from stealing).

Gone are the days when University meant simply studying and chilling with friends. If you don't try getting into some kind of work in your final year, for some godforsaken reason, you may never get into a career at all. The competition is ferocious they say! Don't let others get there before you! As enlivening as the marathon towards career-hood is, there comes certain obligatory rule that one must follow. Don't think Mr. Job will come knocking at your door! It's you who will have to do all the knockings. But, there are ways to make things a little easier for you.

First of all, suck up to the people that already made it big in life. This could require easing the muscles around the cheek areas in order to assist limitless grin as soon as your - 2 PhD, 3 Masters - Uncle passes by. You should also get ready to over-help your brother's friend's second half-sister's landlord's twin brother who by the way has a wonderful relationship with one of the teachers at NYU. Of course, that's not the reason why you bother to do his grocery shopping for him. You are just being (ahem) nice! Steady, aim and throw oil (tel maro!) on every single outstanding academician in your life focus right to a point where they simply slip off their feet (because of all the slippery grease) and fall head over heals for you!

One of the easiest ways to let your name shine in the elite world is by letting your professors know that you own the classroom! Always shoot your hand up in the air and answer every question. Even if you yourself have asked the question, still try your very best to answer it. Shush (!) the other students who keep disturbing the entire class with their whispers. If necessary complain to the chairperson when your peers start disrespecting the law of righteousness (e.g. using two tissue papers to blow their noses where they could have easily opted with one). This may result in a few new enemies but sacrifices must be made for the bigger greater good of mankind (and womankind too).

The world is unfair as we all know, so tears set aside, we should simply amuse ourselves while regarding the cycle of power-elite. Let's use an example here shall we? Mr. X is a CEO of a company and Mrs. Y is a renowned professor. They get married and have baby XY. If you know your biology, you have already guessed the gender here. One fine day, Mr. X and Mrs. Y realise that they are getting old BUT unlike normal parents they don't have several heart attacks over issues like what baby XY will do as a career. Baby XY will either become the new CEO of the company or a professor of the institution where Mrs. Y previously taught. Now now, baby XY is very much qualified for the positions with the degree from the same place Mr. X went to. Let us not underestimate baby XY. A lot of money was spent while educating him you know!

However, Baby XY got it off pretty easy if you ask me. He (yes it's a boy if you are still scratching your head over it) never had to worry about the mean bus driver, the crazy heat, the low economic condition at home, etc. The only condition he fussed over was the coolness of the air conditioned restaurant/car/bathroom. Boy, we all want to be like baby XY right about now.

To put it straight, the truth of the matter is that those who have better connections with the BIG people is likely to get away with a better lifestyle. I won't question their ability for most of them are very qualified for their jobs. However they can get into a career path without much hassle where some people out there may be wondering about with a PhD but isn't getting anywhere because they don't know the right people. It only seems unfair that those who had it easy all their lives are going to continue that way whereas many unrecognised talented folks will remain undiscovered. Then there are the others who literally pump up other people and then make it to the top. Either way, it's an irony to whoever said your grades are all you need for a bright career. Perhaps it's possible and I have yet to see it. Till then:

So is the cycle that only few can break into, try to be one of those few.