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Our moms and dads need to be happy, happy, and happy!

Dr. Faheem Hasan Shahed

I once asked my students in the Advanced Writing class to complete this sentence, injecting as much creativity as they could: “The most beautiful thing I have ever seen is…………”.

Obviously, a lot of them came up with creative expressions some of which, admittedly, excelled in poetic fervor. However, I was pleasantly stirred by one particular student's expression, and the moment she shared it with the whole class, everyone sank in silence, a silence of solemn realization and of profound acceptance. She wrote a very ordinary sentence that neither bore any literary glow, nor exposed any emotional immensity. She wrote: “The most beautiful thing I have ever seen is the happy conjugal life of my parents.” Simple syntax. Unpretentious.

One boy asked her, 'What do you mean by happiness? I mean, haven't they had good quarrels even?'

She replied, 'Of course they have had their ups & downs, occasional hitches, but those have been parts of their combined happiness; in fact, those contributed to their happiness by increasing their bondage further. Subconsciously, I have learnt from my parents that happiness in married life means being one soul in two different bodies.'

The whole class silently nodded in thoughtful appreciation, I could sense. Many of them probably did not bear the same sort of experience like this girl when it comes to the issue of parental happiness, but what amused me sweetly was everyone's overpowering acceptance of the fact that, parental happiness IS the most glorious feature on a child's life; that is what every child passionately aspires for, regardless of his/her fortune and misfortune of having and not having it.

Both saints and psychologists have said how human minds are prone to negativity, and why it is difficult to get out of it without strong external support. Therefore, any incident that display any unhappy or unhealthy bondage between the dad and mom make people restless.

Here is a brief research finding for you. Studies have found that children of unhappy parental background gradually discovers themselves encircled in a state of 'helpless confinement where there is no door to exit'. Eventually, they experience enormous sense of loss, various degrees of depressive symptomsand most dangerously, subtle-but-captivating urge to engage in antisocial activities.

These disturbing psychological trends extend into their adulthood in such a way that many of them become skeptical about their own future success with marriage. Studies also show that such adults trust their partners much less than those of happy homes.

I have seen families where, in lots of occasions, misunderstandings could be avoided or curedbut the uncontrollable ego-centrism of both parties, blended with a kind of never-shall-I-concede-defeat jingoism spoiled everything. And the constant maintenance of jingoism by either the mom or the dad or by both becomes a permanent character trait. An aunt of mine, who was a sober, soft-spoken person at the beginning, later on turned out to be irresistibly dominating mom for her kidsso much so that my cousins later became alienated from her in search of personal peace.

In the 'Write to Mita' page of a recent issue of 'The STAR' (The Daily Star's Friday magazine), a Master degree student named 'Deprived' wrote a letter about his dad. A jobless person for the last 14 years, his dad is shameless tyrant whose only job is to physically and mentally torture his family members, including the mom who is the sole caretaker of the family. The man's disgusting attitude has been negatively affecting the writer's teenage siblings, and that is a heading towards another problem. The writer wanted advice as to how this anarchy could be forever terminated so that they become a happy family including the tyrannical dad.

Please watch out the last 4 words: 'including the tyrannical dad.' What did I mention a few while ago? Children do hunger after a happy parental life devoid of ills and painsbut not excluding any of the parents. Neither of them should act awkward. If you act awkward, you are definitely spoiling your kids!

I recall reading an article in an American magazine about a woman who went on to marry a drunkard brute, and you know why? Simply out of her vulnerable psyche she had developed due to her wine-intoxicated dad who used to regularly beat her mom. See!

As a teacher, I occasionally undergo 'unruly students' (that's what academic authorities around the globe keep terming them) and after interacting closely with some of them, I discover how their unhappy parental orientations have lot to do with their behavioral oddities.

It is now my humble urge upon the parents of the young readers of this magazine: with all the nobility of your intentions and with all the purity of love for your children, please give HAPPINESS an unending chance to ensure their better lives. And dear students, ten-fifteen years down the line, when you'd stand on the heights that you are now erecting for yourselves, you will unquestionably realize why you need to be a happy parent: just for the sake of your child!

The writer is an Associate Professor and Head, Department of English, AIUB.