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Linking Young Minds Together
     Volume 2 Issue 83 | August 24 , 2008|


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Feature

Ha…ha…ha…ha…
Five Minute Management Course

Lesson 1
A little bird was flying south for the Winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

Lesson 2
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'
Puff! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'
Puff! He's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'
Moral of the story
Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 3
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 4
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'
'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.'
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch..
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

Thus ends the five minute management course.



!! Funny if it is true!!

In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on
bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the
mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on.
That's where the phrase, "goodnight, sleep tight" came
from!

The "rule of the thumb" is derived from an old English
law that stated that you couldn't beat your wife
with anything wider than your thumb.

It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4000 years ago
that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father
would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could
drink. Mead is a honey beer, and because their
calendar was lunar based, this period was called the
"honeymoon."



Actual Resume Bloopers

"I am extremely loyal to my present firm, so please don't let them know of my immediate availability."

"I am a man filled with passion and integrity, and I can act on short notice. I'm a class act and do not come cheap."

"I intentionally omitted my salary history. I've made money and lost money. I've been rich and I've been poor. I prefer being rich."

"Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping'. I have never quit a job."
"Marital Status: Often. Children: Various."
"Here are my qualifications for you to overlook."

"REASONS FOR LEAVING THE LAST JOB: Responsibility makes me nervous."

"They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Couldn't work under those conditions."

"REASONS FOR LEAVING MY LAST JOB: Was met with a string of broken promises and lies, as well as cockroaches."

Source: Internet


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