random thoughs

Infidelity

Now the connotation of the word seems hazy. When he blurted out the truth I couldn't believe my ears. I was staring at him long and hard, and was trying to control myself. Can there be any conciliatory words that could make me feel a bit more calm or stable? I tried to keep whatever semblance of sanity I had left, but probably failed, as I felt tears trickling down my cheeks.

How can my trust be so brittle? What is it that led him to be involved with someone else? Am I getting older? Don't I look alluring anymore? Have I been arguing with him too much these days? Or was I nagging? I just couldn't figure out what the reason could be. I couldn't think clearly anymore. I staggered towards the bedroom, and felt so dejected that I started blubbering. He entered the room and looked anguished. I was fuming inside; it was I who should look pale, not him. How could he exhibit such an innocent look after such a heinous act?

Yes it is "heinous" for me, because he broke my trust. I loved him dearly. And there I was, proven wrong. If I had little care for him, if I were nonchalant about our relationship, and busy with my own world, I wouldn't be going through this right now. I would have some altercation and after a day or two I could exonerate him (if I were unfaithful too)!! But unfortunately, I have been extremely devoted to him.

Well, I should stifle my anger now and try to calm myself. It is my time now; I will have to punish him for what he has done. If I can't do it, then I will punish myself for having such a cruel fate. So, I briskly went to our attic on the roof and drank the whole bottle of insect killer poison….he followed me after a while and was at a loss…I calmly told him, "I have always loved you and trusted you, and now that we have no trust left, I can't go on…"

By Lipna Chowdhury

After a day of long work and activities, our body needs to rest, and probably the most effective tool is sleep. In fact the main function of sleep is to rejuvenate the body. Although sleep is a natural phenomenon, to some it is like a priceless dream, because many suffer from insomnia. Generally, insomnia is a feeling of not being able to get enough sleep. Simple though it may seem, as it is neither a disease nor a life threatening situation, insomnia can be very distressing, frustrating, exhausting and depressing. And at its worst, it can make a person feel like she / he is going crazy!

A number of factors are known to cause insomnia. A state of mind such as anxiety, depression, worry, anger and grief can cause problems with sleep. A change or disruption of environment like moving house, starting dormitory life in university, time zone changes etc also result in insomnia for some people. However, medical conditions are probably the commonest cause. Problems with the heart, breathing, stomach, digestion, blood pressure, arthritis, anorexia and other physical discomforts can cause insomnia. Besides, medications like sleeping pills, tranquilizers, contraceptives, slimming pills and recreational drugs like nicotine, heroin, cocaine and even caffeine can cause sleep disturbance.

Even though trouble with sleeping is referred to as insomnia, the term itself can be divided into two categories. The first one is called chronic insomnia, which lasts for several weeks to even years, and the discomfort in sleeping that lasts for a few nights or weeks only, usually connected to a stressful event like exams, is called transient insomnia. The common symptoms of insomnia involve feeling tired during the day, having frequent headaches, irritability and lack of concentration, taking longer than 30-40 minutes to fall asleep, waking up repeatedly at night, waking up far too early, being unable to get back to sleep, and only going to sleep with the aid of sleeping pills or alcohol.

Insomnia has its effect on both mind and body. Research has found out that problems like headaches or even heart disease may result from insomnia. It is understandable that without proper sleep, the mind does not work clearly, one feels physically drained, and the body's loses its resistance power, as insomnia makes it very difficult for one to recover from illness or injury. Insomnia also affects a person's confidence and self-esteem, which can lead to depression. And this depression may create further complications like loss of interest, energy, and appetite, and may increase aches and pain that have no physical explanation.

Undoubtedly, insomnia is a matter of great concern. However, there are a number of things that can assist an insomnia patient. At first, what is needed to improve the situation is a simple change of lifestyle. For a start it is suggested that one cuts down on all stimulants like coffee, tea, alcohol, nicotine, cola drinks, food additives and slimming pills. Other suggestions include exercising regularly, practicing relaxation techniques, avoiding heavy or rich meals, relaxing oneself by taking a warm bath, having a milk based drink, or listening to soothing music, going to bed at the same time each time every night and getting up at the same time each morning, establishing a routine that allows 7-8 hours of sleep, and trying to relax mentally and physically for at least an hour before bedtime.

One also needs to train her/himself up to deal with insomnia psychologically and this process involves few suggestions. These include changing or resolving the situation that's causing stress, accepting situations that can't be changed, keeping the mind relaxed as much as possible, giving oneself enough time to do things, discussing if there is a problem, having some relaxing and non-competitive activities and finally allowing oneself some " quite time" each day. If insomnia severely interferes with one's daytime functioning for a month or more, then it is best to consult professionals.

By Obaidur Rahman

My Baba

It is exactly thirteen years today. It is a long time, and I do not know how so many years have gone by. How it happened. But it did. And I am alive. I just turned sixteen in July. The year was 1991. It was October 28th. It was just another day, but that one day changed my life forever. My circumstances changed in a few hours and I the quiet, timid, teenager grew old within the span of a few hours. I was no more daddy's little girl. I could no longer lean on him, or ask him for direction in life. It almost felt like I was drowning. I was not sure if I could survive without my father. I was not sure if my mom could live another second without him. And yet, thirteen years has gone by, and she is standing strong.

We are all standing strong, but I miss him everyday. I started to notice him in me, how I like everything neat and clean, how I sleep with my legs crossed just like his, or how my fingers look like his. I stare at them and see my father. I cry and talk to him. He is with me just as much as he was thirteen years ago. There are times when I wonder what he is thinking when he sees me from up above. Is he sad when I cry? Does he hug me and I do not know? I close my eyes and see him. I see him in my dreams and wake up happy. There are many times that I wonder what I would do if I got one more chance to see my father in front of me. But then, he is with me always. Abbu is in me. His wonderful qualities are in me. I love him, and I hope he knows that. I am proud to be his daughter, and I eagerly wait to see him in heaven.

How much is too much?

I was window-shopping one day, and came across a beautiful turtleneck sweater. It looked the right size and was my favourite colour. I found myself saying out loud "I should get it" then came the other voice, "do I need it?" I really do not need any more sweaters. In fact all the warm clothes I own will last my winters for many years to come. And yet I somehow acquire more and more stuff. We make money, so why not spend it right? It feels good when we buy things, new things. We do not want to wear the same clothes too many times. It is not acceptable in our society. It is one of those things people talk about behind your back. As women, you need shoes that ought to match your clothes, then comes jewellery, purse, etc. The list goes on and on. Why is that? Did you ever wonder how much is too much? Why do we have to follow the trends and fashion and buy newer things, even though we do not need it? Stuff, which will eventually end up at a garage sale or at a Salvation Army. I like the idea of owning things that has meaning to it. It has to be special; I will wear it for the rest of my life, and that has a story behind it. You feel lucky to have it in your house, or in your closet. It makes you happy. It is all about you, and not showing it off to others. I might fall in the category of "strange", but too many things, belongings make me nauseated. I guess the thought of me owning so much, and people out there not having anything make me sad. It just doesn't seem right. And yet what do I do to make it right? I think of the less fortunate. I feel blessed for every little thing I have. I do not take anything for granted. Buy less, and try to share what I have.

By Iffat Zia