Wrong Impressions

A couple were leaving a cocktail party where the husband, slightly flushed, had been the life of the party. "John," she said, "did anyone ever tell you how fascinating, how romantic and how handsome you are?"
"No," the man replied happily, looking at his wife, "I don't think anyone did!"
"Well," she snapped, "then where did you ever get the idea???!!!"

A man joined a big corporate empire as a trainee. On his very first day of work, he dialled the pantry and shouted into the phone, "Get me a coffee, quickly!"

The voice from the other side responded, "You fool, you've dialled the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to, dumbo?"
"No," replied the trainee.
"I'm the CEO of the company, you fool!"
The trainee shouted back, "And do YOU know who YOU are talking to, you fool?!"
"No!" replied the CEO indignantly.
"Good!" replied the trainee and put down the phone.

A man went into a drug store and asked the pharmacist if he could give him something for the hiccups. The pharmacist promptly reached out and slapped the man's face.
"What the heck did you do that for!?!" the man screamed.
"Well, you don't have the hiccups anymore, do you?"
The man said, "No, I don't, you IDIOT ... But my wife out in the car still does!"

IDIOT SIGHTINGS...
Sighting #1:
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate, when the airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" I said, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled and nodded knowingly, "That's why we ask."

Sighting #2:
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it is safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine, when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals to blind people when the light is red. She responded, appalled, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!"

Sighting #3:
At a good-bye lunch for an old and dear coworker who is leaving the company due to "downsizing", our manager spoke up and said, "This is fun. We should have lunch like this more often!" Not another word was spoken. We just looked at each other like deer staring into the headlights of an approaching truck.

Sighting #4:
I worked with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the life of her could not understand why her system would not turn on.

Sighting #5:
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told that the keys had been accidentally locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger's side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered it was open. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "it's open!" "I know," answered the young man. "I already got that side..."

Source: The Internet