::: Star Weekend Magazine :::

Write to Mita

Dear Mita,
I've been having this problem with my parents! It's just that they don't seem to trust me any more! They are always telling me what to do! And sometimes I get so irritated with them that I behave badly! How can I make my parents happier with and how can I gain their trust?
Help needed

Dear Help Needed,
The way to gain the trust of your parents is to prove to them that you can be trusted. Never give them a chance to suspect you or your judgement. Always inform them where and why you are going out and be sure that they do not catch you lying. In course of time they will learn to trust you. Behaving badly is not a solution but rather will increase the problem.

Dear Mita,
I am 22 years old. When I was just in my early teens I used to be sexually harassed by a cousin of mine who was 15 years older than me. Our families are are really close and since my parents were totally unaware of what he was like he had many opportunities to make his attacks on me. I was too shy to say anything. He had been posted outside Dhaka for the last three years but has now got another job here and also got married. Since he came back he's been pretending as if nothing ever happened and also trying to be friends with me. But every time I look at him the memory of my humiliation floods back and makes me furious. I ignore him completely but that doesn't make me happy. I want a full apology from him and a confession in front of everyone including his wife about his misdeeds. What do you think is the best way to go about it?
Revenge

Dear Revenge,
I fully understand your anger and the wish to take revenge. Sexual abuse leaves deep scars and is often impossible to heal. You need a closure on this and will not be at peace till that happens. However, this has implications on the lives of some innocent people who have not been a party to your torment. In taking revenge you will hurt those people. You could confront him privately and tell him that you have not forgotten nor forgiven him for what he has done but you will keep quite about it if he keeps out of your way. Also if he ever does this to anyone again, you will go public. The most important thing for you is to try and prevent young girls in your family, friends, domestic help etc. from being victims of such abuse.

Dear Mita,
I know a person (I'll call her Asma) who is 17 years old and recently appeared for her SSC exams. Her parents died in a car accident when she was just a baby and has been brought up at her maternal grandparents house ever since. As she has never been disciplined by her parents she has grown up to be a very disobedient and rowdy person. She's been forming and breaking relationships with boys ever since she was 14. It doesn't even need to be mentioned that she lies through her teeth. Why it's all relevant to me is by the fact that she's a distant relative of mine and I suspect that my husband is having an affair with her. I have asked my husband about her and every time he has managed to evade my queries. I am 22 years old and my husband is 25. In this situation, please tell me what I should do.
Priety

Dear Preity,
The most important thing for you is to find out if your husband is having an affair or not. The character of this girl or her manners is of secondary importance. The girl is not an adult therefore any liaison between them is the responsibility of your husband. You must have an honest talk with him and get to the bottom of this. Please be sure of your facts before you make such accusations as this will have implications for your future married life.