Triple Treats

Chintito

I have nothing against marriages, or sardarjis or people with weak English.

In fact I believe marriage is what got me here; and most of us. Even those who we rebuke as otherwise have had loving parents who enjoyed their wedded bliss.

Despite being the butt of many a joke, a Sardarji has become the prime minister of India, and that can't be bad, although it was rather mean to deny the Italian-morphed Indian, who enjoys the power, but not the title. I mean if Aussie Ricky Ponting can don the garb of Kolkata Night Riders, South African Shaun Pollock of Mumbai, then why could Sonia Gandhi not play for India? The rules of the game must change.

Finally, it is not essential that everyone has to speak or write in perfect English, which means the English should be grateful that we have learnt their language, or tried to, and did not take the risk of letting them rape ours. That's how much we love our mother tongue.

The reason for the above introduction is this week we take leave from politics, as there is a pre-parley going on between the government and the political parties, which means they are not into serious discussion until the real parley begins. So if they who matter can take it easy by having a panchini, why should we lose sweat?

It is not easy to avoid the latter though, as there is sufficient load shedding, and we are not complaining because we are now global and understand that they also shedding the load in any such sauna in the States and other affluent places, about which there is now growing doubt because our home-gown Nobel laureate has to open rural banks to save their economy. What bichitro world this, oh! Seleucus?

So here are the treats of the week that friends have sent me by email:

The Marriage Commandments
Commandment 1 -- Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.

Commandment 2 -- If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep. The same goes for the husband.

Commandment 3 -- Marriage is grand, and divorce is at least 100 grand!

Commandment 4 -- Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbours listen.

Commandment 5 -- When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing. Either the car is new or the wife is. The same goes for bhabi and her hubby.

Commandment 6 -- Marriage is when a man and woman become as one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

Commandment 7 -- Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before she finishes; and vice versa.

Commandment 8 -- Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife. So does every woman.

Commandment 9 -- Marriage and love are purely matter of chemistry. That is why the couple treat each other like toxic waste.

Commandment 10 -- A person is incomplete until married. After that, he/she is finished.

Sardarji questions
Q: Why do Sardarjis always smile during lightning storms?
A: They think their picture is being taken.

Q: What do you call a Sardarji in an institution of higher learning?
A: A visitor.

Q: How do you keep a Sardarji busy all day?
A: Put him in a round room and tell him to sit in the corner.

Q: What do you do when a Sardarji throws a pin at you?
A: Run like hell....he's got a hand grenade in his mouth.

Q: How do you make a Sardarji laugh on Saturday?
A: Tell him a joke on Wednesday.

Q: Why did the Sardarji stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours?
A: Because it said 'concentrate'.

Q: What did the Sardarji do when he noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency?
A: He turned it over and used the other side.

Q: Why can't Sardarjis make ice cubes?
A: They always forget the recipe.

Leave applications and another
Infosys, Bangalore: An employee applied for leave as follows: “Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave.”

From H.A.L. Administration dept: “As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave."

Another employee applied for half day leave as follows: "Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 O'clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave."

An incident of a leave letter: "I am suffering from fever, please declare one day holiday."

A leave letter to the headmaster: "As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today."

A candidate's job application: "This has reference to your advertisement calling for a 'Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'. As I am both for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience, I am applying for the post.”

Dear Chintito,
I'm a regular reader of your writings in the SWM but don't dare to write to you because I can't say bhari bhari kotha like you. We know over the last three decades the rule of law was absent in our country and its consequences are being observed today. How can the rule of law be established in a country without trying the war criminals? Obviously BNP and AL are to be blamed for this worst failure, as they are the largest political parties. Regrettably the present government is also denying justice by giving the excuse - past governments couldn't try so we can't. The conscience of the nation has not been sold to BNP or AL, neither to the present government. So the culprits should be tried soon. Farid Bajitpur, Kishoregonj (5 April)

Dear Chintito,
How are you? I am a very big fan of your article. In the last SWM your article on 'Justice Delayed is never Justice Denied' was excellent. It defined the situation before and after liberation war, and the present situation of our country. You also mention our sacrifice to get liberated. Some criminals were present like Razaker, Al-badar, Al-shams etc. but we have not been able to identify them till now. We should identify the criminals first and then open their mask in front of our people. However, I have a question to you: “After 37 years of our liberation war do we have any liberation in our country? Rice is now Tk.40 to Tk.60 per kg. Price of everything is increasing everyday. How can man survive?. Why did we have the liberation war? Md. Mahamudur Rahman, Sher-e-Bangla Agricultural University (SAU), Dhaka (5 April)

Dear Chintito,
Hi! How are you? I am not a regular reader of your writings in Star Magazine. But sometimes I read your articles. Your view is different from others. That is why I like your articles. Our policy makers say many things about our poor economic condition. But no one says how we could overcome this situation. Though we are poor, but we have a lot of prospects here. We can do many things (such as Biogas, Bioelectricity, etc.) adopting our own technology to solve our gas and electricity problems soon. Md.Erfan Hossain, Department of Accounting, Govt.Azam Khan Commerce College, Khulna (6 Apr)

Hi!I'm very much worried about the power crisis that is pushing the whole nation to the dark age. I've seen western countries saving electricity by using 'daylight saving' method. I think it is high time we did so too. We can forward our schedule by an hour to minimize this crisis to some extent. Walid (6 Apr)

Dear Chintito
I am very delighted to let you know that I am a crazy fan of you. I hardly miss your column as I love to read it. I like the way you deal with the various issues that have a negative effect on our social and moral life. You always come up with a very new and judicious idea for solving the problems. So please keep it up. Susanta, English Discipline, Khulna Varsity (7 Apr)

Dear Chintito,
Your article "Justice Delayed is never Justice Denied" about the war criminals is full of information about Razakars, Al-badr and Al-shams, how they were released by the general amnesty given by the father of the nation .Your last word is "punishment" for these Razakars. But who will take steps to sentence these Razakars? The present interim government has already taken many steps to make a corruption-free nation. This government has brought some positive changes, that is, all corrupt politicians along with two former prime ministers are now in prison. But about war criminals they say they have limited time, although UN and other organisations are ready to give any kind of support. It seems to me that the government is afraid of them. If the present government fails to take decision about the war criminals then no future government will be able to do anything about them. They will be free forever. The nation will forever be grateful to this interim government if they begin the trial of war criminals. Imtiaz Hossain, Dept of English (3rd year), Habibullah Bahar College (8 Apr)

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