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    Volume 8 Issue 57 | February 13, 2009 |

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  Ekushey Grantha   Mela
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Write to Mita

Dear Mita
I am a 31-year-old woman and married to someone I had been going out for four years. Before when we were going steady he would be so romantic, constantly buying me gifts and flowers, showering me with adoration. Now it's so different, especially after our first child was born. It's not like he ignores me or anything. It's just that he is no longer very romantic and treats me like I'm his buddy or something. We talk but it is always about mundane things and often I am irritable because I am so sad inside. He is affectionate but in a very superficial way. I think he is no longer attracted to me. How do I deal with this situation?
Hopeless Romantic,
Dhanmondi, Dhaka

Dear Romantic,
There is a very strong stereotype that marriage is the end of all romance. Perhaps your husband is just living up to that stereo type. You will have to somehow bring back the romance that once existed between you. Getting irritated will make the situation worse. Try to recollect what was it about you that made him romantic. Most importantly, discuss with him, talk about the good old days. You might discover to your surprise that that he also has the same complaints about you. Resolve it before it becomes too late.

Dear Mita,
I am in love with my best friend. I am a 22-year-old woman and he is 24. We have been friends since high school and we have often advised each other on people we were interested in so it's weird now to feel this way. I have not told him anything but I think he knows something is different. He has suddenly become very awkward around me, sometimes to the point of rudeness. Also he does not confide in me anymore. I have tried to ask him what's wrong but he never gives me a straight answer. I feel very hurt but i also want to tell him how I feel. But I'm afraid, if I tell him he may stop being even my friend and that would be too much to bear. Should I tell him or not?
S. K.

Dear S.K.
This is a tough one. But I think you will have to take the risk and tell him. However, before telling him, you must be prepared for his negative reaction. If he is such a good friend he should be sympathetic even if he is not in love with you. Unless you bring it out in the open, the awkwardness between you will persist. Remember, love is not always reciprocal. You will get over it if you are refused, but the nice feeling of once being friends will remain.

Dear Mita
I think my husband is having an affair. He is a little distant from me these days and spends a lot of time out of the house. He seems distracted and has started being very conscious of how he looks. These days he wears very trendy clothes and has started to go to the gym. We hardly ever go out together except for dinners at a relatives place or weddings. I may add that he is a very good-looking man and many women find him attractive. I, on the other hand have gained weight and am not very glamorous. How can I know for sure whether he is having an affair or not.

Dear Jealous,
The signs are strange but no guarantee that he is having an affair but he might be. So what can you do? First, decide if you really want your marriage to work and if he is worth fighting for. If he is then go for it. Make yourself attractive once again for starters. Let him wear trendy clothes and do the same yourself. Apart from this, think of common interests, books, music, restaurants , places etc. Make him feel important no matter what . Men are very susceptible to flattery and. praise. In other words, try to bring back the romance that you once shared. This is not easy, I know but this is the only way to do it.

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