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    Volume 8 Issue 64 | April 10, 2009 |

  Cover Story
  Special Feature
  Food for Thought
  Current Affairs
  Photo Feature
  A Roman Column
  Art -Aadil’s   Pageant   of   Scintillating   Pharaohs
  Art -The Light,   Fantastic Touch   of   Impressionism
  Star Diary
  Book Review - A   History and Taste   of Bangladeshi   Cuisine
  Book Review - In   Search of a New   Life After   Nagasaki
  Write to Mita
  Post Script

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Write to Mita

Dear Mita,
I am S, aged 26, working for a multinational company in Dhaka. I met W, aged 22, through the Internet. She is Malaysian. We chatted over the phone for two years before I travelled to KL to meet her. It was love at first sight. However, when I returned home and asked permission from my parents, they refused to accept it. They asked me to marry a local girl because in their view, marriage to a foreign girl would be bad for the reputation of our family, and it would hurt the marriage prospects of my younger sisters. I am the eldest child, and I do feel a responsibility towards the family. But at the same time I can't imagine life without W. What should I do?

Dear Distressed,
If you are sure that you have found the girl that you want to spend the rest of you life with then you will just have to convince your parents. Give them time but be very adamant and they will understand your situation gradually. All parents want the happiness of their children, however some have their own ideas of what is good and suitable for you. They need to be convinced that your happiness lies in marrying this girl. Take help from one of their trusted friends or relatives. I am sure you will be able to solve this problem if you persevere.

Dear Mita,
I am a 29-year-old man and am working in a private firm. The salary is decent and I get some good benefits. I am engaged to my girlfriend of four and a half years and we have decided to get married. The only problem is that she wants me to move out of my parents home. I live with my parents and have to support them financially. My fiance just refuses to live in a joint family and says I can support them financially but we will not live with them. I am torn between wanting to please my to be wife and my responsibility to my parents. Please advise.
Good Son

Dear Good Son,
This is a difficult situation for you. Often living together in a joint family creates tension and therefore living separately helps in more cordial relations with in-laws. You really need to work this out very carefully. What is the opinion of your parents? Have a talk with them, will they be too disappointed if you don't live together? Frankly, if finance is not an issue it is better to live separately since your fiancé is so determined. It is not a good idea to start life with this kind of tension between you two, moreover, it might be a good thing in the long run.

Dear Mita,
My wife and I both work and we make barely enough to support our family (we have one child). A few months ago my wife realised that she was pregnant and after a lot of discussion we decided that it would be best if we terminated the pregnancy. Having another child would be a big drain on our financial resources. We want to raise our first child as best as we can but this will not be possible if we have another child. My wife had the abortion a few weeks ago and has been extremely depressed since then. She feels guilty and afraid that she may never have a child again f she wants to. To be honest I did not really think too deeply on it as I was more worried about the suffering my wife would go through. Now I am quite concerned about her. How will she get over this sad episode in her life?

Dear Concerned,
I think you both acted in haste over a very important decision. However, that is in the past and you both need to move ahead. First make sure that she is physically ok and that there is no rational reason to believe that she will not be able to have children when she wants to. Regarding her psychological state, she needs to talk to some people and perhaps take professional help. Aborting a pregnancy can cause serious psychological trauma and manifests itself in different ways such as depression, feelings of guilt etc which your wife is going through now. You need to be very supportive and help her to regain her confidence. She must somehow get out of this mood and think positive again.


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