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Write to Mita

Dear Mita,
I am a university student, in my first year at university, I was in a relationship with one of my classmates which lasted two years. In our third year, she broke up with me. Now, two years later, when another girl likes and wants to have a relationship with me, my ex-girlfriend is causing problems. She has even called the girl and threatened her, warning her against getting involved with me. What should I do? Please help.
Lover

Dear Lover,
I am sure you can solve this problem yourself. Just be certain in your mind as to what you want and act accordingly. If you really don't want your previous girlfriend in your life anymore, then have a straight talk with her. Tell her to stop this nonsense and leave you alone. Your firm and direct message should be enough to convince her that it is over between you. However, if you are still in a dilemma then she will get the wrong message and might continue to pursue you.

Dear Mita,
I'm a girl in my late teens. I have been studying in a coeducation system but I hardly ever spoke to the boys. I remained in my own world of dreams until I met him. He understands me more than my parents. Perhaps I feel this way about him because he's the only boy I've ever been so close to. He treats me as a very good friend but I have started to have different feelings for him. I don't know if I love him or not but being with him or talking to him for hours makes me feel really good. He is in a relationship but despite knowing this I still like him. I constantly think about him and am losing concentration in my studies. I don't want him to break up with his girlfriend but I want him. I'm stressed. He has the qualities I would want in my boyfriend. My exams are approaching but I can only think of him 24/7. Help!
Stressed

Dear Stressed,
Falling in love with someone who is a friend is a part of growing up. These feelings are normal at your age. However, you should not let feelings disrupt your normal life. One of the most important things for you at present is your studies. Your future and life depends on how well you prepare for it now and your studies and results will play a large part in that. Don't let anything distract you, not even the love of your life. Continue with your friendship if that is what you want but try to put it in perspective, which is he is an important factor in your life which may be permanent but may end soon. Even if it does end, you have learned a lot and are a better person because of it.

Dear Mita,
I am a working mother and have a 14-year-old son. When young, he was destructive and did not want to listen or obey. When I scolded him, he was never bothered, when I beat him he would listen. He also promised to listen when I would lovingly make him understand but would forget about his promise soon after. Everybody said he would understand when he grew up. But now he is more rude and rough. He talks back whenever I try to correct him. He hits me back if I beat him now. My husband left the house protesting his behaviour and character development. He thinks I pampered him and made him what he is but actually did not. I only stopped him when he would hit our son. My husband forced me to take a job to support our son's education when he was 10 years old. Now every one complains against him. He has stopped studying in the last two years and now does not even go to school. I convinced him to get admitted in school in 2010, but he is saying he does not want to go. I am becoming afraid of his rude comments. I don't know what to do. Please give me some solutions.
Worried Mother

Dear Worried Mother,
This is a very serious situation which needs a professional solution. Your husband leaving has added to the gravity of the situation. He should have stayed to try to solve the problem instead of putting all the blame on you. I believe your son needs psychological counselling. He needs to talk to someone and tell that person why he is behaving the way he does. When children behave in abnormal ways everyone says they will change on growing up. But it does not work that way. He should have received professional help a long time ago. Perhaps it is not too late but you alone cannot do it. I suggest you get in touch with a child psychologist or counsellor and take your son. If he builds a rapport with this person then you will get a clue as to why he is behaving this way.