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Write to Mita

Dear Mita,
I am an 18-year-old girl, studying at Dhaka University. I am very different from my family. My family supports Jamaat-e-Islami, and I am a supporter of left wing parties. This problem has become personal. My dad cannot tolerate me and I feel the same way about him. He has already asked me to leave his home several times and I have considered doing it, but as I am from a broken family there are other issues involved. Also being a young woman in this society, it will be difficult for me to live on my own. I cannot concentrate on my studies and don't know how to solve my problem. Please help me.
Sufferer

Dear Sufferer,
This is a very difficult situation for you but you will have to be strategic and practical. Since you are in no position to leave the house and be on your own you must make certain adjustments. Don't contradict you father, keep your ideas to yourself and try to come to a working relationship with him so that you can co-exist for the time being. You can also find out ways to please him without giving up your core principles. Meanwhile, concentrate on your studies, put all your efforts to become independent, both psychologically, socially and financially. Take help from friends and relatives, especially those your father thinks well of. Remember, all these are strategies to help you overcome the present difficulties.

Dear Mita,
I met my husband when we were in college and we were madly in love. After we got married, we lead a fairly comfortable, happy life. We have a daughter and we both love her very much. However, over the past few years, we have been fighting constantly when we are together and the fights become ugly. Harsh words are exchanged and our home feels like a battle ground. We live in a joint family and that doesn't help either. We are perfectly friendly during the week while we are working, and I miss him terribly, just waiting for the weekend to come, but during our days off, all we do is fight. I know he loves me very much and I love him too, but this home environment is unhealthy for all of us, especially our child. Sometimes, when I'm really angry with my husband, I take my frustrations out on her. I have even hit her at times, and cried my eyes out afterwards. I want all this to stop but don't know what to do. I don't want my family to fall apart. Please tell me what I should do.
Upset

Dear Upset,
Marriage is very serious business and there is nothing called “living happily ever after” unless you work at it. First of all, you have to get to the root of the problem which is, what triggers these fights between you two. The second important thing to remember is never use words that are deliberately hurtful and humiliating to each other. Words, once spoken can never be taken back, so think before you utter them. The third thing is not to hurt your daughter in any way, she is the binding factor who can bring you both closer and keep you together. The joint family system is difficult but think about all the benefits you get out of it. Finally, if you really don't want your family to fall apart then act today and now before it is too late. Shed away your anger, frustration and ego and think about all the joy and happiness this relationship has brought for you. Remember the positive sides of your husband and build on those. Try to relive the moments that brought you together, don't give up something you have built together for nothing.

Dear Mita,
I am a 27-year-old man from Chittagong. I have moved to Dhaka recently to complete my MBA. While doing so, I met a girl and have fallen in love with her. She has agreed to be with me too. However, recently, her family has started pressurising her to get married and as I am not established and don't earn enough to support us both, I am not being able to propose. She is finding it difficult to tell her family about this and is making me feel completely helpless. Please tell me what I can do.
Helpless

Dear Helpless,
Serious and mature love does not depend on the issues that you mention above. If she is really in love then she should have the guts to tell her family that you are the only one for her, on the other hand, you have to propose saying you will get married after a certain time. In these times, no one can be married by force, therefore, I don't think there is anything to worry about. However, the most important issue is to be sure that you are suitable for each other.