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     Volume 9 Issue 44| November 12, 2010 |

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Write to Mita

Dear Mita,
I am a university student and I come from a well-educated family. I live with my parents and my dad's friends visit us every now and then. My problem is that I have fallen in love with a friend of my father. I used to call him “uncle” when I was younger. But for the past two years we have been communicating more intimately. He knows a lot about almost everything, which I have always found mesmerising. I often go to cultural functions with him that I always enjoy utterly. We hang out together at restaurants or movies. I recently told him that I had fallen in love with him. He reacted positively and since then we have been in a relationship. But he is married and he has kids of my age. I cannot control my emotions. If things keep going this way, I might become more intimate with him, even physically. I try to restrain myself, create distance with him but my aspiration to act maturely always gets defeated by my juvenile sentiments. Please tell me if I'm doing the right thing for myself.

Dear Unsure,
I want to tell you that you are not doing the right thing. My serious advice is to get out of this situation as soon as you can. This is nothing more than an infatuation for a person, which happens quite often at this age. I am shocked that this gentleman, instead of discouraging you wants to go along with it. I suspect his motive, which is not very clean to say the least. There is no future for you in this relationship, all you will get is humiliation and guilt and will result in frustration and loss of self-esteem. He might be the most interesting person on earth but he is not for you. I am sorry to be so brutal but I have seen enough of these cases ending in disaster.

Dear Mita,
I am a 22-year-old man and I have just graduated from university. I have been in love with my bhabi (sister-in-law) ever since she married my brother. I have never told anyone about this because I know it isn't right. A few months ago, I started to see that my brother and sister-in-law are not happy together. They fight constantly and she is always crying. I have been her shoulder to cry on and sometimes I thought she returned my feelings just by the look in her eyes when I comforted her. I love and respect my brother very much but I can't control how I feel about this girl. Do you think I should tell her how I feel? Or should I talk to my brother first? I can't give her objective advice anymore. Please help me.

Dear Confused,
I am sorry to advise you that one does not have an affair with his bhabi. This is a breach of trust and might create serious rift in the family. If they are unhappy in their conjugal life then let them solve it or get a divorce. This is between them and you should not get involved, it will just lead to a lot of complicacies. Try to forget her and pursue some hobby or activity that will keep you distracted and away from home. Much as you love your brother, he will never forgive you for such an act and you might lose him forever. You have to decide what is more important for you. If you think she is worth giving up your family then you might take other action. Frankly I don't think it is worth it. She probably will not leave her husband and on the other hand you will end up alienating your brother and family.

Dear Mita,
I am a 16-year-old girl and I have started my O'levels course. My parents have hired a math tutor for me because that’s my weakest subject. My tutor is a boy who is in college. He is very smart and very good-looking and we get along very well. Recently, I developed feelings for him and tried to show him how I feel. He understood, but became distant with me and we no longer enjoy the fun teacher/student relationship we had. He stays for shorter periods of time and never answers my calls. He hasn't told my parents about what happened and hasn't said anything about quitting the job. This gives me hope because I think he is just confused about how he feels and is taking his time to think things over. Do you think I'm right? What do you think I should do to help him make up his mind? Am I being too pushy?
In love

Dear In Love,
At the age of 16 it is natural to fall in love with one’s tutor. It is a temporary thing and should not be taken so seriously. He is reacting in this way because he is a responsible person who does not want to break the trust your parents have given him. I think he is acting in a matured way and is doing the right thing by creating a distance between you. Remember, he is there to teach you and not to have an affair. Please go out with someone closer to your age and leave the tutor alone.




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