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     Volume 10 |Issue 37 | September 30, 2011 |


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We Don't Need No Education

Aasha Mehreen Amin

There is a rumour about town that a mini revolution is brewing. The word 'mini' being used not to demean the magnitude of the movement by any means; it is to convey the physical size of the revolutionaries. According to this conspiracy theory, children, even babies, are planning a rebellion against grownups. Termed the Tiny Tots Rebellion, the reason given by these miniature rebels is simple: "Grownups have let us down. We must take control of our lives."

One might be shocked at the enormity of the situation where such innocents should turn so cynical and unyielding towards their wards. So what could have gone so wrong in this world of such knowledgeable, scientific and supposedly righteous adults?

Well first of all, according to the little sources, grownups are so hypocritical. They tell us, say the innocents, that breaking other people's things is a very naughty thing to do and may warrant hours of the silent treatment or even deprivation of basic rights such as the right to carbonated drinks and chocolate ice-cream. Breaking things or in grown up jargon 'vandalism' is the only way to get attention from the elders it seems. In the world of the little, all you have to do was throw a bit of a tantrum, screech in C sharp minor especially when in public and voila, the grown ups are putty in your hands. Except the really smart ones who will just ignore you until you come to your senses and say your 'sowy'. Thankfully those are a minority.

Coming back to the vandalising method of manipulation, young adults seem to be the best at it. They say you need to go to school, get an education, hopefully go on to university but honestly, what's the point? In the end all you need when you reach university age, is a hockey stick or a bamboo stick or even a branch of a tree so that you can smash car windows, dent a few buses. Oh, and of course you need to know how to play with fire to set buses, the ones that are meant for our own use, ablaze. It's funny how they later complain about the lack of public transport and then destroy a few more buses just to get the point through. It is hard to find the logic, say the little darlings, behind this kind of destructive behaviour for every little thing - because they plan to stop funding public universities, because wages at garment factories need to be increased, because the stock market crashed, because a bus ran over a student, because they just needed to make some noise in the streets. Everything has to be taken upon the poor buses and cars. Honestly if this is what they think is the best way to get what they want, these university students and their friends really need to be sent to the corner, given a 'time out' and possibly withdrawal of all sweets and toys (in their case sticks, sharp weapons, guns, cocktails).

The older grown ups are even more confusing. They keep harping on the need for quality education and qualified teachers in every school, college and university and then you find a former night guard who studied till class eight and family members (with barely matriculation diplomas) of ministers, heading educational boards. If they can become such high ups with such little education, what's the point in studying further?

As for that silly rule: Never tell a lie, always tell the truth, nothing could be more laughable. Grown ups are constantly lying - about their foreign bank accounts, naughtily acquired plots in cool residential areas, even the bags of cash (some kind of play dough we guess) that they secretly get for doing little errands like tampering with medical records, making fake certificates, getting jobs at schools and colleges for individuals who don't have the necessary educational qualifications and so on.

These are the dangerous thoughts these little mutineers are having and who knows what this will lead to? Rumour has it that the little ones are using the internet to get the kiddie rebellion going. Even babies are gurgling codes to each other or communicating with hand gestures and eye contact. Is this some kind of 'Children's Spring'?



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