By
Tawsif Saleheen
(For
best effect, read this article while having lunch)
In my village home, sheedol varta is quite a legend. Now this sheedol
thing mainly contains shootki maach fish dried, powdered, mixed with
onion, mould into fine balls and baked under the sun for several days.
If you ask me, it has the smell of my old gym socks. As for the taste,
well I haven't yet had the privilege of getting this delicacy past
the intricate border of my teeth. Then again, food poisoning has never
been my idea of a healthy death.
Disgusting as
it is, sheedol at least won't give you nightmares. But, some other
foods just might. Take Tiet Canh for example. This popular Filipino
dish that looks red and round like a pizza, is actually coagulated
duck-blood sprinkled with lemon, herbs and some sort of a rice cracker.
Spicy, eh? Then there is Baalut (or 'the egg with legs'). Exceedingly
popular in the streets of Philippines this so-called delicacy might
look like an ordinary boiled-egg. But split it open and you'll find
an almost fertilised duck-fetus, covered in an yellowish gunk! (Yuckkk!)
Best eaten with salt or spicy vinegar Baalut is supposed to be yummy
and very, very crunchy. Guess where the crunchy part comes from!
As
far as weird foods are concerned, countries neighbouring to Philippines
don't lag far behind. In South Korea baby octopus is dipped in oil
and swallowed whole. The cute, little creature is still alive, mind
you. And it tries to keep up like that by gripping on with its tentacles
to the throat of the person swallowing it. May be at some point, the
person picks up a toilet-brush, stuffs it in his mouth and prods the
baby octopus down into his stomach!
When it comes
to sea-food (or, river-food?) we all love shrimp. But, the Chinese
people seem to love it a little too exceptionally. That's why they
let live shrimp swim gleefully in a bowl of rice wine. Only … when
the shrimp gets sufficiently drunk, it is picked up with chopsticks
and the head is bitten off!
Besides Drunken
Shrimp, the Chinese also have a soft corner fro a particular cave/cliff
swallow. They don't eat that swallow (thank God!) but use its nest
to make some sort of a Birds Nest Soup! So what's so juicy about that
bird's nest? Well, the 'juice' in question is actually a sticky saliva
secreted by the swallow as an adhesive to bind twigs and leaves and
such together to make the nest!
In parts of China
and Hong Kong monkey brain is eaten in very expensive restaurants.
The monkey is clamped under a table so that it can't run away. Then
the skull is cut open and the brain is eaten while the monkey is still
alive! Personally, I consider this to be the sickest food ever designed
on the surface of earth. Just imagine, Man the best of all living
beings sits on a chair and scoops up the brain from the skull of his
very own (and very much alive) ancestor, as if its just a double-sundae
Igloo ice-cream! I wonder what the monkey does all the while.
(If
you're still reading this article, I must say you're quite a pervert.)
We all love cheese,
don't we. In Sardinia they leave out the cheese covered only with
cheesecloth so that flies can lay their eggs on it. The maggots are
let to hatch, then spread on the bread (including the live maggots)
and eaten! May be, at some point in the future we'll go to the food-joint
and order, ' One beef burger with extra maggot-cheese please!'
Then in Kenya
the Masai people mix cows' blood with milk, and make up a special
type of a milkshake. It looks kinda like the strawberry shakes we
drink. I don't know about you, but I would rather date Missy Eliot
for the rest of my life than take a single gulp from this drink!
I have hated the
lousy Americans all of my life. Now, I've got one more reason to do
so. In the Rocky Mountains, USA, a certain 'Testicle Festival' is
held every year. In that so called festival people from all over the
country (and world!) congregate only to eat fried bull-testicles!
(Yuckkk!) According to people from the festival, it tastes like chicken
or shrimp, and is something worth travelling the whole world for.
I don't know about you, but in the next life if I'm reincarnated in
the form of a Rocky Mountain bull I'll commit suicide as soon as I
am born.
Not
too far away from the Rocky Mountains, in Tequila (Mexico) a certain
lollypop in the name of 'the Tequila Sucker' is quite popular. It
is more or less like the lollypops you eat. Only …it is made from
high-fructose-corn-syrup and insect-larva and has an entire assortment
of ripe, juicy worms wriggling all over. (Yum, yum!) Next time when
you eat a lollypop make sure you know what the ingredient really is!
For one article,
I guess I've freaked you out enough. But the die-hard truth is, all
around the world people have such a bizarre appetite that even I,
with my poor vocabulary and all, could have dragged this article to
the next three thousand words or something. But I don't want you to
end up flushing this RS issue in the commode. (After all, it has my
name in it). So, for everyone's betterment, I'll just call it a day.
…oh, just one
last thing. Next time when you're struggling with a bowl of tengra
maach, don't start cursing your bua all at once. Think again. It could
have been a swarm of ripe, juicy worms wriggling, wriggling and wriggling
all over your dinner-bowl. Happy eating!
