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The little brats

"Hey!” the brother yells, running into his sister's room.
(The twitchy, irritating voice fails to initiate a reaction, since the sister has a jar full of calm reserve up in her head)
“ Go away,”

(The jar remains calm, undisturbed, no ripples nothing)
“Go away,”

“ Ya know, I went through your closet yesterday, and I found this little diary,” the brother says matter-of-factly.
(Tidal waves start taking place in the jar, the calm threatening to spill over the sides)
“ You went through my closet?”

“Yeah, and there were parts in it that I didn't understand; who's this he you keep talking about?”
(It seems that the jar has also been put on boil, the calm slowly evaporating)
“And there are phone numbers with little hearts bordering them, and there's a picture of a guy inside,”
(In one swift moment, the calm disappears, the jar shatters)

“ You little *******!” (I just love it when girls lose it and start screaming and cussing, I mean every time one of us boys lets of a cuss word they through you these Martian looks, so its nice to hear them bitching for a change)

I know a lot of you out there can relate to the scene above. You're all totally irritated by that 4 feet tall brat (who's presumably your younger sibling) who lives under the same roof and keeps going through your private things (like rummaging in your drawer and finding 'that CD', which every teenage boy has). I know exactly how you feel (since instead of one brat, I have to deal with two).

The brats seem to wage an endless war against their older, more intelligent, better counterparts. What's it with them? What do they get out of annoying us elder brothers/sisters? I mean you can do nothing without them manipulating you to their benefit. “If you don't buy me that CD, I'm going to tell mom that you were up the whole night talking with that girl,” Their blackmailing is never ending.

It isn't just blackmailing. They make your life hell at home. “I didn't do it mom, but I saw Bhaiya breaking that vase,” (You just hate them don't you?) Being blamed for something you didn't do is just plain frustrating. No matter what you do, your parents are sure to believe that spoilt brat and ground you for another two weeks (and since you were already grounded cause the little sneak let your mom know about your all-night talking, the total comes to four weeks of being grounded).

The most infuriating thing about this whole thing is that in your parent's eyes the brats can do no wrong. If you complain about them they'll tell you to stop being such a pain, since they being younger are prone to mistakes and we being older should guide them instead of complaining (I once asked my mom if my younger brother was adopted, she told me to shut up and stop thinking of such horrendous things. Come to think of it, she never really answered my question).

The other thing that bothers me is that, after a certain age, your younger sibling/s just stop being afraid of you. The threats, the looks just stop working. You threaten them, and they just throw you this sneer and turn away (which really irks you and you out of impulse, give the brat a good beating and consequently get grounded for another four weeks which brings the total to eight). What's even worse is that they start scrutinizing you. “You listen to this song? Yuck! I thought you had taste,” (Yeah, I've touched a nerve, I know a lot of you reading this are starting to twitch) That just is the last straw, because when they start giving you advice about things such as music, fashion, girls, the first that comes to your mind is to slap and tell them to shut up (which brings the total to ten weeks).

Remember the times when life was easy, when there weren't any mocks to deal with, when you could easily scare your younger brother with a look and send him out of your room. Well those times are over cause them brats are here to stay (I'm really starting to consider going to that new DNA thing that the government opened and verify that the brats who live with me are actually connected (or not) to me).

By Tareq Adnan

Girls in pandemonium
An analysis of their internal struggles and their causes and outcomes

First of all, a note of reminder to all our female readers:
1) We (guys) are never biased
2) We only make exceptions for the very pretty ones
3) And the hot ones
4) And the cute ones
5) And the fashionable ones
6) Other than that we are perfectly fair in our judgment!

Having stated all that and having explained our perspective in brief, we decided to probe into very risky territory. We decided to explain why girls usually cause pandemonium and continuously fight mentally or physically. Unlike guys who fight for very well developed and mature reasons girls seem to fight for very simple, basic and “animalistic” ones! Some of you girls might not like and agree with that statement, but it might help you to try and accept a different perspective! After all, we feel that we truly understand you and are the only ones who can help you overcome your problems. And just because this article is being published in the rising stars doesn't mean you can take us lightly. So stop grumbling and start reading!

1) Backbiters: One major class of girls is the Backbiters! They just can't stop complaining and saying negative things about others behind their backs. (eg. uff…janish oi meye ta ke na ami akdom shojjho korte pari na… ato neka!). It's like they are this non-stop complaint call that doesn't end even when the person on the other end has hung up! The funniest part is that when girls are together they seem to be the best-est of friends possible and as soon as they are even 10 inches away from each other, the bitching starts!

2) Pure Jealousy: Ever noticed the tension in the air when an outsider girl looks with flirty eyes and uses flirty tones with another girl's property (boyfriends)? And God forbid should the boy in any way show any kind of reaction to these, he is in as much &@#* as the girl is in!

3) Fashion Caution: Girls really love to be showered by coats and sheets of make-up and dyed hair and manicure, pedicure and what not! It makes you wish they would practice some kind of “heartcure” as well. Attracting boys via their beauty is their only tactic and has been forever. If a new more beautiful contestant arrives, the bitching, hating and fantasies of how to slice her up starts forming immediately! How morbid!

4) Superiority Complex: This class of girls are few but brutally dangerous. These “leader girls” are great real life debaters and future scary moms. Should anyone have any objection towards their ideas or suggestions, God help them!

5) Power Rangers: Ever been slapped by a girl? If girls so much as sense an iota of emotion (and if they don't like you) they will come crashing down on you like an angry tigress and you will become nothing but food for them! They seem to suffer and be easily frustrated and irritated by almost anything in the world! Stay away from them, they are scary!

6) Never Satisfied: Most girls in our society are kept under strict rules and restrictions for their own safely, their own good. But there are houses where these restrictions are a bit over exerted and makes the girls there either really quiet or blazing bombs depending on how imposing their elders had been. They are never satisfied and at some point they snap and God alone knows what they do then!

This rounds up the average, broad based reasons for which girls end up at each others' and our throats! Of course there are those girls who lead perfect and happy peaceful lives…in books and fairy tales…but I've never met one for real! So, this should act as a girl guide for all you amateurs and if you ever find one that doesn't fit the mould, do let me know!

P.S. I deeply apologize for any form of fury raged due to this article. As clichéd as it may be, it's true that the truth is almost always unpleasant to hear!

By Adnan M. S. Fakir

A drizzle of memories

"Will you be around here tomorrow?"
“No, and even if I was there's no need to show your faces here. And I won't be treating anyone anyways." The entire class simply stared at us with a blank expression. And after a split second, the entire sentimental touch of the situation evaporated, and the buzz of students settling down for their last ever class there, brought me back to earth.

When, your teacher was more a brother, a true friend you don't expect this reaction when you want to see him after the final exam, that had linked you two in the first place. And, especially the guys there, and Sir, we'd shared a relationship far stronger than a normal teacher student relationship, or so I had thought. We were always teasing and taunting.

"Why the hell can't you solve THIS?"
"Because, we You're students how much better could you expect?"
"Oh really? Fine. Then why don't you try and pick some of my GOOD sides too sometimes, huh?"
"Well, just one problem the good sides would have to EXIST in the first place to be picked from you!"

He stared for moment, all of us grinned and then , he did too. It wasn't that we didn't respect him. But, he was more of a friend to be feared in any way. That didn't keep us from studying though, just the thought of showing him our face with a bad grade at hand, got us studying now and then.

Then of course, there were the fun times, when we had to be at the coaching centre for hours at a stretch. And during the breaks, we'd leave the girls behind to gossip, or whatever it is that they did, and we'd hit the street, looking for someplace to eat and stuff.

And when everyone was broke, there was always the loyal "puri ghor " just across the street. The oily, fried, sometimes over heated or even stale, puri with a tiny kebab, that we sandwich-ed between the puris and fancied a 'burger'. Man! Those were the days, even that cheap, street side, unhygienic food seemed like food from heaven , when you and your best buddies were devouring them.

But, he had ruined it all at the end. Anyway, the exams were over, the A Level batch of May2006, were all dispersed. And only the memories remained. This was going to happen sooner or later, but maybe, if the last day had only worked out better for all of us, then the final memory would have been much sweeter.

I looked out the window, there was a slight drizzle. And I thought I could smell fresh puri and kebab being fried or maybe it was just in my head.

I took out my cell phone and was about to call up my buddies, when I stopped myself.
What if they weren't missing it like I was?? They'd just laugh at me. I put it back in my pocket, and walked outside. I walked aimlessly for a while, letting my felt carry me to wherever they would. Soon, the mouthwatering smell became stronger. I was at the familiar street food corner, and as I peeked in I the person sitting there, and having the

'puri-kebab burger', was no other than my Sir.
He'd felt the same way I did. Sometimes, it was just tough for big guys, to accept that they can feel this way too. He looked up and saw me, and smiled. Then, he raised a hand to the boy there, and ordered more for me and whispered.

"By the way, you're paying!”

By Faria ahmed


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