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Boys in pandemonium

You knew this was coming

First of all, I would like to say that this is not a biased article. After my article came out a couple of weeks back in Rising Stars, I thought that I will become famous and all the girls in my coaching will come to me for my autograph! Hell I was wrong! Instead, I was threatened by the female population that if I didn't write anything about boys, hell will break loose!

Adnan's article, "Girls in Pandemonium" caused a huge uproar in the women world. Although his article wasn't biased, some of us didn't take it lightly! But the truth is, neither boys nor girls are perfect or angles from Heaven! Just like girls, boys also have many drawbacks, and today, I will point these out.

(1)Car Geeks: One major class of boys are the Car Geeks! They can't stop talking about sport cars. You can spot them in Dhanmondi, driving the modified version o their dad's Toyota!

(2)Fashion Freaks: These boys wear shirts which are too small and jeans which are too big for them. They can be seen displaying their underwear and their multi-coloured hair dripping with gel(or oil). They are the most "outstanding" students of their schools. Because you can always spot them standing outside their schools!

(3)The Good-For-Nothings: They rarely study, but they make sure that they ruin the study of their classmates! They attend classes only to irritate the teachers. TAKE CARE! Don't mess with them. Because they run gangs, and you can get a good thrashing if you approach their girlfriends! You can spot them in LaBamba or in concerts!

(4)The Girl-Friend Snatchers: This class of boys can be anyone, starting from your bestfriend to your arch rivals! Generally, as they are not cool enough to have their own gf, they make bad comments or use flirty tones with another boys property (girlfriend), e.g. "janish, oi meye ta na khub jose dekte! Ami or bf hoile ok beye kore feltam". And when they are interrograted, they say, "I was only kidding, pal!" At the end, they get a good kick on their butts! They can be found laughing their heads off because no one else laugh at their stupid jokes!

(5)The Nerds: These boys are very polite, with neatly combed hair, thick specks and neatly tucked in shirts. They are the ideal son every mother prays for(and every girl despises)! Most of the time, they can be spotted in libraries! According to the boys mentioned above, this class of boys are the most "uncool"! Because they have capability of boring you to death! (6)The Niramish: These boys don't have any self respect, and because of this they are worse than all the group of boys mentioned above put together!

These boys can get along with anyone and everyone. But the best thing about them is that, they never lose heart. Because they get dumped again and again by their girlfriends!This rounds up the classification of boys! Of course there are some boys who are sweet, caring, adorable and friendly, like me!

They are perfectly normal, and its because of them that the world still exists! They are very hard to come by, so if you meet anyone like me, consider yourself lucky!

By The Dark Lord (Chinee Chor)

Book review
A million little pieces

HAVE you ever wondered what goes on inside the minds of drug addicts, alcoholics, and smokers? Have you ever tried to figure out what prompted them to do what they do, and how they feel about it? Are they angry, sad, happy, frustrated, disillusioned? Do they feel anything human at all for that matter?

Well, you may not want to be a psychologist, but the answer to all these questions and more lie in the fantastic book, A Million Little Pieces, written by James Frey. The author himself is the worst kind of addict as well as the central character of the book. It is not really an autobiography, rather a “memoir” as James likes to call it, of his times in rehab and his rocky path to redemption of his sins.

The story starts off with James at a critical decision-making point of his life: addiction or life? That's the question he has to answer while he struggles with broken bones, approaching death, withdrawal and the utter distraught and disappointment of friends and family. He enters the life of a rehab dweller, at a final, and what he thinks futile, attempt of piecing together the millions of pieces of his life. He strives to resist temptation according to rules he made himself, and breaks those made by others. The journey of this wreck from the streets, to friends, family, a heart-wrenching love, and whether or not James survives the world abiding his strictly independent laws, is what the book is all about.

However, this is not your average love story or lesson on addiction. The book reads like poetry, pure and simple. The writing style of James Frey has a rhythmic, ringing quality to it, and he has an unerring ability to capture the complexity of the human mind in stark verses. Throughout the book you get to learn of what an addict really has to struggle through, off how they really can feel guilt and love, of their self-hatred, of their hallucinations, and most of all, their random, horrifyingly simple and primeval thought processes. It is a book to be devoured word for word, because the story is bound to inspire not only those who are in a mess like the author himself, but even those who have nothing to do with addiction. The book teaches one not only why one should stay away from addiction, but more so that it is never to late to regret ones mistakes, learn to trust and give love unconditionally, and most of all, to be able to pick up the pieces at the end of the day. The book can be bought at Etc. and at Words n Pages.

By Ferzeen Anis

The new musical curse

MTV: “Ashiq banaya…
B4U: “Naam Hai Tera Tera Tera…
ZEE MUSIC: “Samjho Naa...
(Switches to some non musical channel, even unbelievably theatrical Indian soaps are better than this)
STAR PLUS: “I Love You Oh Sayonee…
“Arghh! Damn it!!”

That cap wearing freak from the sub continental country that borders us (and causes a lot of trouble along the borders too) has finally managed to accomplish a feat that my parents have been trying in vain to do for years: make me not watch TV. Every time I listen to one of them songs that sound as if the singer's sung with a clip on his nose I feel a sudden urge to sneeze.

Himesh Reshamiya, the new sickly sensation in India has far reaching tentacles. His debacles formerly known as songs have taken this fine marshland known as our country by storm too. The only problem is that my ear drums have gone on strike in protest against his songs. Their argument, the songs are so nasally influenced that severe harm in the form of busted ear drums may take place.

And there's a reason behind my ears protesting too. Everywhere I go I hear Reshamiya's songs. As if putting up with him on TV wasn't enough you can hear his pallid voice blaring at the local 'chaer dokan', the Hallmarks near your home, the shoe shop, the canteen, at your friend's birthday party etc. You can't escape him.

It would have been okay if his songs were sung normally. But his singing sounds as if a cold infected cat with nothing better to do has decided that his meowing sounds melodious and has taken to yowling around the neighborhoods. I sometimes seriously wonder if the dude actually sounds like that when he talks or is it just another of them Bollywood gimmicks to get rich and famous quick, no matter how stupid the gimmick is. Listening to Reshamiya is like listening to someone laboriously sneezing.

And his songs are another topic of discussion. They all sound the same and all have more or less the same type of tunes sung. Except for the minor change in lyrics and musical composition you can't tell the difference. Even the lyrics of some of the songs are totally off and fail to make any sort of sense. All of them sound like one big huge extended song if listened to one after another. Anyone listening to his songs for an extended period of time is in increased danger of acquiring sinusitis.

Then there are his videos which are a treat to the eyes because watching them will have you rolling on the floor in laughter. There's nothing more comical than a slightly overweight supposedly singer trying to jump around in rhythm to the other dancers. In each and every one of his videos Reshamiya wears an expression which suggests that his mother-in-law has just died and he doesn't know if he wants to cry or not. Reshamiya has a weird idea that he's hero material, thus in each and every song you'll see him beside a beautiful model trying to woo her with his singing. He usually gets rejected (can't blame the girl for that) and then puts on his cry or not to cry expression. If that doesn't get you chuckling then watching Reshamiya holding the mike above his head and swinging his head around while singing (which is really similar to a dog worrying his bone) will. Then there are the videos themselves which are far from entertaining. In all of them you see enough melodramatics to last you a lifetime (there's one where Reshamiya supposedly commits suicide after yet another rejection by just taking one sleeping pill, come to think of it the water probably killed him, maybe it was cold water and inflamed is already clogged nostrils).

Then there's Reshamiya's trademark fashion style. Be it sunny or rainy he'll always wear his cap. The caps, instead of making him look good make his face look disproportionately small for his overlarge head. The other thing to be noticed is his beard, which is always a week old and makes him look like a singing drunk. I actually think in one of them music videos he had that beard of his dyed a dark reddish brown. Reshamiya also seems to have an affinity for long overcoat type jackets which he wears irrespective of the weather and season alongside sickeningly tight leather jeans. Yeah, his fashion sense is worth puking on.

However the biggest insult I can throw is that I heard that his songs have been modified and improvised into Bangla movies. Although I haven't had the misfortune of listening to any of them yet, I know that if Reshamiya listens to one of them, he'll die of a heart attack. And it isn't just Bangla movies remixing his songs, the Dhaka teens have taken to modifying the lyrics of his songs to suit their needs. For example: 'Chok Ta Tera Tera Tera…”. The rest of this remixed song is luridly unmentionable in this article. It isn't just Bangla movies featuring his songs. Hindi movies these days must have at least ion of his songs in them. Some of them have gone as far as making him the only singer for their movies.

Anyway, his songs are all hits and I guess that there are some people who might like them (as unbelievable as it may be). No matter what I say here, I have to admit that Reshamiya is here to stay. I only wish it weren't so.

By Tareq


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