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The week in re(ar)view

Get rich, buy cars, sit idle
Asian Development Bank found through a study that Asia's green house gases will treble in 25 years. Apparently the income of families is rising with a resulting demand for cars.

Demand for cars in Bangladesh can be met but demand for roads is a major concern. Sure, greenhouse gases will increase but people will more likely die from waiting in traffic jams out of boredom and frustration.

Kill human rights activists
Of course, there are other modes of death if you must. After the caretaker government took over, the Men in Black (RAB) have not been in the news much with their poor shooting abilities resulting in bullets crossing each other. Seems they have simmered a little. Right now all you see in the news is voter list, rallies and TV program schedules. But some people do feel that RAB should not be allowed to disappear from view just like that. So a US based human rights group studied and reported that RAB has had about 350 killings to its record.

Former CEC Aziz is a national hero
Here's an update on the voter list: updating the voter list is a big joke. In fact it is probably like the one about Monty Python's Funniest Joke in the World, which killed people who read it. The Funniest Joke in the World was so funny that no one really knew what it was because those who read it ended up laughing to death, so there's no one left to tell it.

The voter list is just like that. The people who are sent to update the list start reading and end up dead from laughter (or could it be boredom?). As a result we don't really see such people going about their work. Apparently former CEC M.A. Aziz was protecting us common folk from such a hilarious death by delaying the duties.

The 8-day list updating limit was reached and further extended another three days to December 18. That ended but many people were still left off the list.

Cheats cheated from cheating
Vegetable retailers of Dhaka Metropolitan Area on 17 December 2006 went on a three day strike protesting the manipulation of weight and price by the wholesalers. The dishonesty of the wholesalers must have gotten completely out of hand for the retailers to protest like this. After all, if the wholesalers cheat too much then that leaves the retailers a very narrow (or non-existent) margin of profit which would have been earned by cheating the end consumer.

By Gokhra and Mood Dude

Funny lines from Family Guy

”Mother, life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're going to get. Your life, on the other hand, is like this box of ACTIVE GRENADES!”

”Son, this is a big day for you. Today, you become the man of the house, because, when we get home, your mother is going to kill me.”

“Damn the toilet! It's made slaves of you all! It just sits there consuming other people's wastes while contributing nothing of its own to society.”

Brian: Face it Peter, you get competitive about everything.

Peter: I am so not competitive. In fact, I am the least non-competitive. So I win.

I don't want your Mom to worry alright? When she worries she starts saying things like 'I told you so' or 'Stop doing that I'm asleep'.

Lois Griffin: Peter! You're bribing your

daughter with a car?

Peter Griffin: Ah, c'mon, Lois, isn't 'bribe' just another word for 'love'?

Meg Griffin: You could kill all the girls who are prettier than me.

Death: Well that would just leave England.

”Joe, I've had new neighbors before but none of them were half the man you are. And since you're half a man already, that splits them into some kind of fraction I can't even measure.”

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Khaleda Zia: "We have done everything we could to ensure a proper environment and a developed country. But some chickens will insist on complaining, and if their complaints are preferentially treated, WE CAN CROSS ROADS TOO "

Sheikh Hasina: They say that the roads are equal. Then how is it that some chickens walk and others drive? We want to drive to the other side as well, and if need be we will earn our right with egg-beaters and vending machines"

Iajuddin: "Some of the chickens were being accused of being biased. We sent them to the other side on a vacation"

Professor Yunus: "Let us forget the chickens of the past. Together, we can make chickens in future, who can develop their own side of the road. Soon I will launch my micro-murgi initiative for this end"

Lutfozzaman Babar: "Na na, this is actually kichu bogus report. I personally ate...I mean, checked all the murgis"

By Hammad Ali

Campus news
V-Day celebrations at Universal Tutorial

Universal Tutorial, an English medium school, solemnly observed the 35th anniversary of the victory of Bangladesh on December 14, 2006. The school premises were decorated with Bangladeshi flags. Tiny Tots of the institution rendered patriotic songs like:

Shurja dayetumi Shurjastea tumi, Dhana dhannye pushpe bhara, Je deshete shapla shaluk, and Ak nadi rakto periye.

The programme was addressed by Dr Faruk Aziz Khan, Principal. In his speech Dr Khan reiterated the spirit of Liberation War of Bangladesh and expressed his deep tribute to the martyrs who laid down their lives.

This is Home

The husky smell of the nagor dola,
Its humming with the wind
As it spins,
That irritating sound.
Like the hiding fireflies
By the Bashundhara baluchor,
The same irritating sound;
The wondrous glow
Of the water,
and the moon
Rippling like your silken hair…
and the fireflies,
The mischievous bugs
Surrounding us in rings of fire,
and that irritating sound.
Sarees of green, a little red tip,
Roads blocked by parades
Songs flowing with the wind
Emotions flowing like dreams…
Little girls running wild
With exotic smell of flowers
In their tiny rough hands;
As the wind caress the kashphul
Rising high under the shaku
By Ashulia; and cars cross
Families driving towards Water Kingdom
While the little boatboy
Plays with the water and butterflies
Waiting for a customer
To cross, and two taka.
The usual adda in Bailey road
Overflowing shades of culture
and lovebirds by the roads of DU.
The ghuri uthshab in Old Dhaka
Girls stealing out from home,
and boys crowding outside bolda garden.
The bustling rickshaws of mohakhali,
Fluctuating electricity;
Nights of lying around
By the pond in Ladies park
and rain trickling down the sky
Onto damp brown eyes.
The obnoxious bugs again,
That irritating sound…
I miss it so, and so much more.

By Adnan M. S. Fakir

News Flash

Mirpur stadium, the home of cricket literally turned into a giant aquarium on the very day of its inauguration, as the entry gates and the exits were flooded during the lunchtime. At least 2000 people were reported to have 'filled their boots', as the crowd managed to squeeze out of the few open gates. Our in house smell expert has reached a conclusion, based on his Sandal Analysis that the liquid tested positive for 93% human bodily fluid. Till the time this report was written, the authorities had taken no action other than banning any more bottles into the stadium.

By Tausif Salim


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