Eid Special Issue of “Bishash Koro Ba Na Koro”
The time of Eid brings about a hallabulu time of excitement, shopping, clothes, great food (believe me… BD food is amazing!) and the best of all, blood and stinky-ness. The entire event will obviously be very different in the US; in fact, the Eid-ul-Fitr almost went like there was nothing; and like the previous Eid, the item most longed for is obviously food, followed by meeting up with everyone and partying. Nonetheless, let me present a recollection of a few real life interesting incidents from previous Eid-ul-Azhas.
Ever heard about flying cows? Well, they are awesome and know what? They do exist! A cow went missing from the roof of my friend's two storied house! They were afraid that their cow might get stolen if they kept it in their garage and consequently they kept it in their roof… don't ask me how they go it there. Next morning, the entire lump of living meat went missing! Vanished! Kapoooshed! The possibilities:
The cow jumped to the next door's roof and ran away jumping from one roof to another like crouching tiger hidden dragon, except that it's a cow here.
The cow was informed by the SGNC (Slaughter Goats, Not Cows) association and came with a flying car (something like Ron's dad's car from potter world) to its rescue… or maybe Santa Clause joined the SGNC and came to its rescue (since Christmas is so near)
A heavy-weight champion thief came, climbed up the roof, got the cow on his shoulders and climbed down without being squashed, managing not to wake the cow up, also not to mention waking the family members probably hibernating inside; all this instead of stealing the cow on the ground floor the next house. Stupid but amazing, and convincing… right?
The little-green-men abducted the gigantic (to them) cow to test earthlings
The cow just simply flew away.
The boro goru chagoler haat (as per misspelled in some places, which should actually be goru chagoler boro haat) is a very interesting place to be. We were running low on the number of goats so I and a friend of mine lullaby-ed off to the mohakhali haat to get one. One curious not-so-well spoken (actually a serious jhogaitta) customer catches our eye quarrelling over the price of a descent but seemingly heated cow. After about fifteen minutes the customer slapped the cow on… on its 'back-side' pretty hard saying his final bid and the following few seconds was magnificent! Did you see Kung Pow? If you haven't you should. Both the cow's hind legs went up in a flash, like a double back kick, and hit the customer sort of hard in the stomach, as he literally flew into one of the hay stacks for the cows! It happened in a second, like one of those movie stunts! He did get hurt (duh! and might have been affected by the mad cow disease) but could still walk, and he ended up buying the cow for a higher price and probably had fun eating its meat. Moral of the incident: Never ever hit cows on their butt!
Although shopping was supposed to be not-so-extravagant for this Eid, recent activity over the past few years have defied that traditional concept and women buy more and more and men's wallet becomes less and less. The men don't have any choice and so listens to the ehmm… 'fair' commands of his wife… after all he is dependant on her. Anyways, remember the time when there were sarees and salewars were named like Titanic and Baywatch? They were even branded like that! I remember because that year I was the victim of carrying my mom's packages as she shopped for like hours and hours and eternity. Thus, I extend my heart-felt remorse to any who faced such torture. Heck, there was even a salewar named Michael Jackson! However, now that I think about it, maybe the Titanic saree was extra long or Baywatch saree was extra short… and I do remember the Michael Jackson salewar having a color of black fading to white; maybe those guys did have a point!
Good food is certainly the best thing on Earth. However, when it comes to good food for the fakirs, you have to admit, it is like heaven to them. The whole point of the Eid-ul-Azha is to share and give to the poor. So, I and my driver set out to one of the slums one Eid to distribute our kurbani meat along with rice. Other than almost murdering us by their excited rush and disorganization, the amazing thing was that most of them did not take the rice! They took the meat but not the rice. Their statement was (translated), “We have enough rice, bring us khichuri if you can.” We had to go somewhere else to give away the rest of the rice, and unfortunately we could not cook kichuri at that time since it was already late. Nonetheless, it was a splendid learning: Never under-estimate the wants of a fakir.
Many people detest Eid-ul-Azha for its bloody-ness and stinky-ness. Think of the skunks! They would be demoralized and ashamed of themselves! Anyways, a few years ago during Eid I was walking around my neighbourhood in New DOHS as usual, when I found a road completely flooded! You could even ride a boat in that place… like during the floods! Now people had to sacrifice between holding the nose and lifting their cloth because the other hand was occupied with packets of meat for distribution. Most people chose the nose over cloth. You know why? Well, because it was drain water! Of course, immediately the committee came and cleared the people's brain… I mean drain and guess what caused it layers of blood and accumulated cow fat. All the blame goes to the cows.
Eid is a period of breaking away from the monotony of life. Trust me, Eid in Bangladesh is very unique and unlike other countries. While I stay stuck here in US in boredom, be sure to have an astounding Eid everyone! Let the hunt for the eidie begin!
By Adnan M. S. Fakir
In Heartbreak Hell? 5 Tips to Help You Heal
The pain of a broken heart is unlike any other pain. It is a deep emotional wound, a blunt-force blow to the very core of the human psyche and frankly put, it sucks! So what can you do to make the pain go away? There is no quick fix but rest assured that the old adage of time healing all wounds holds extra true for wounds to the heart. In time the pain of heartbreak will stop. In the meantime these five little tips should help soften the blow.
1.Distraction, distraction, distration!
That's right, distract yourself as much as possible. Out of sight, out of mind, inner plight, fill your time! Make yourself busy so that you can't focus on your loss. Just make sure you busy yourself with productive activities like exercise, friend-time and focusing on school or work. Don't get self destructive and at all costs avoid excess of any kind.
2.Cry it out as much as needed.
This is no time to put on a brave face. Your heart is broken, you're wrought with disappointment and loss, it's OK to cry a lot. Just make sure that you cry in a private place, no PDA (Public Displays of Affliction) and if you can't handle being alone, only cry in the company of someone close to you whom you know you can trust.
Put on your favourite song, something upbeat or even angry in tone, no sappy love songs allowed! Make sure it has a good beat and a sound that gets you moving. Then get up off your sad butt and dance around. Be silly, be funky, sing along at the top of your lungs, have fun with it. It sounds crazy, and it will look crazy to other people, but getting your real heart beating this way will do wonders for your proverbial broken one.
4.Talk about your feelings with a friend... for a time.
Talking is an excellent way to cleanse your soul and ease your mind. Pick a close and trusted friend and ask them in advance to listen to you vent whenever needed. Warn them that they may get sick of listening to you say the same things over and over but that you really need their help. A good friend will be there for you. Then set a mental deadline in your head, 2-3 weeks is a good one but when coping with the loss of a more serious or long term relationship you may require a bit more time, and once you've reached that deadline, cease and desist all talk of the matter.
5.Visualize your future, block out the past.
You need to stop living in the past and focus on the future. People who are dealing with a break-up tend to play over past events in their head. This behaviour is normal in the early days of a break up but it can quickly become a dangerous and defeatist coping strategy. So after the first couple of days have passed you need to forget the past, good and bad, and look to the future. Think about all the positive ways your life will change; more time for friends, pursuing old hobbies that had been put aside or taking up new ones, and having more you time are all good focal points. When you think of your future do not think of anything that has happened as a loss but try to view it as an opportunity for change. You don't need to bury your past forever, just for now, and when you can think of the past and smile you'll know that you're well on your way to being healed.
By Daddy's Lil Princess
Useful phrases at work
I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.
Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist
Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental
I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't care.
I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
No, my powers can only be used for good.
How about never? Is never good for you?
I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me
You sound reasonable...Time to up my medication
I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
Who me? I just wander from room to room.
My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys!
At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.
You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.