Home   |  Issues  |  The Daily Star Home | Thursday, October 11, 2007

By: Kimi

All the first minute/last minute shopping is nearly done. The wonderful clothes, shoes and accessories are just waiting and coveting to be worn for the first time; the gifts (yay!) have been wrapped; the food purchases have been covered, the hands are being decorated with delicate mehendi designs as we speak; and the plans of where to meet and what to do have been made… Ramadan's ending and Eid is just around the corner!

Doesn't it feel great? For all the well-off, the less fortunate, the beggars, the brokes (me), and for all those who care only about shopping and gifts and all that, it's just overwhelming!

Now that our consecrated and cherished occasion is nearly here after a long happy month of fasting, it's fair to presume that we're all planning to go haywire (eating-and-hanging-out-wise) this Eid. It's great and it's definitely the occasion to do so, but it never hurts to keep some limits and enjoy Eid unharmed. Better be safe than sorry. Since nearly all of us here in RS have experienced a ruined Eid at least once in our lives, we thought it'd be thoughtful of us to at least remind you of the perils of immoderation and how to experience one jhakkanaka Eid day…RS style:

For Food:
The food this Eid is going to be so good and there are so many places to visit that it's natural to overeat (what with all the aunties and grandmas overfeeding us) so that we can keep everyone happy, ultimately resulting in hours in the toilet with loose motion or throwing up. Here's our awesome eating guide to prevent overeating and how to still manage to keep everyone happy:

1) Don't let anyone serve you. Avoid hot and spicy food. Turn on your goody “na ami nije niye nibo” mode and take one little spoon of two/three items at best. Take your time to eat that.

2) People eat most in the 1st house visited. It's wise if food consumption is least there, so do that.

3) Lie: say you already ate. Let it be your first white lie after a month.

4) Take a LOT of your friends with you. It creates diversion.

5) And if you fail in carrying out all of the above instructions, here's the best advice: Take a plastic bag and keep collecting the food from your plate under the table as you move house to house. Then go home and invite everyone for a partay with that food…weee!

For Mugging:
Now this is a serious matter. People get mugged on Eid all the time, so listen seriously and be careful:

Do a quick kolakoli with the thug, and say that you'll only give the money if he bows down and does salaam to you….nah…just kidding! Seriously, if you are being mugged, give away your money and cell as quickly as possible. Don't argue.

Remember, your safety matters the most here. And to prevent being mugged, avoid going out alone at night. Stay with friends and family. It helps if you are in a car too.

For Salaami:
This, I'll tell you, is a real problem. If you're slightly older among the people around you, then you're dead! I don't get it, why can't all those annoying kids let go? When will they learn? I hate being harassed by people half my size for salaami. It's as bad as mugging man, I'm telling you! To save yourself, try avoiding potential salaami hunters at all cost. If it's inevitable, go to the bank and get fifty 2tk notes for a 100 tk, and shower the brats with that. It still costs money, but at least not as much as it would have. And imagine, some kid might feel pity and give you his money instead!

For the Walkers:
We love walking and going to places on Eid, don't we? It's healthy, but it might also lead to our ultimate demise since the cars that dominate the roads are reckless, and the people driving them are worse. For safety here, dress up in your most glittery clothes and add extra sequins and tinsels if you feel it's not enough. Remember, you need to be visible at all times… even on the footpath, since you can never trust drivers on Eid. However, it's still best to keep your enthusiasm of walking to the footpaths; after all, the roads are mainly for cars you know.

For the Drivers:
I know it's hard to control you feelings when you're finally allowed to drive that baby (meaning your car) of yours as fast as you can, but remember that there are people out there walking on the roads who you don't want to kill. And, as far as I know, you also definitely don't want to die on Eid. So it's best to keep the speeds to a limit, and the brain in the right places. Drive safely or let your chauffer drive.

For the Kolakolis:
The fat stinky sweaty pinching aunties (the ones which keep telling you're too thin, too fat, or that you grow up too fast) being present in the same room is bad enough, and then add sweaty rib cracking hugs and kolakolis, not only from them, but from everyone else. It is hectic doing Eid here man! Sadly, there is no solution to this one, people. But it helps if you do this: When you're stuck in the embrace, tickle the person…hard. Hopefully you'll be saved next year.

Now, that's all the potential Eid ruiners (I keep coining words) we could think of. We hope you'll enjoy this Eid with your full mode of sharing you happiness with everyone. Love, care, give, enjoy, be happy, and most of all, keep safe this Eid!




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