The week in re(ar)view

Liberty for Bangladesh
Bangladesh, according to Index of Economic Freedom, stands as 137th freest in the world. And who can argue? After all, we can do anything as long as we know the right people and also pay those right people.

3.6 points higher than that of the last year, in the Asia-Pacific region Bangladesh has been ranked 29th out of 41 countries. The components were business freedom, trade freedom, fiscal freedom, government spending, monetary freedom, investment freedom, financial freedom, property rights, labour freedom and freedom from corruption. We think it should read freedom for corruption.

Hide your dirt
Land is a precious commodity these days. There will come a time when one person will have to ride on another's shoulder to be able to fit in the limited amount of space. As a result the term 'dirt cheap' no longer means cheap.

According to victims, hired men of Landmark Engineers and Real Estate Limited occupied land at Ashulia at dead of night on April 8 with blessings of two influential government officials. This happened while a civil case involving the plot is still pending with the High Court.

The victims tried lodging a case with the police but had to drop some names as some of the accused were relations of a high-ranking police official. According to the victims, one Fazlul Karim claimed the ownership of the property using false documents and sold it to one Sakhina Khatun, who sold it to Doel Group. Singapore-Bangladesh Properties bought the land from Doel Group and sold it to Landmark.

If you have valuable land, keep it hidden by burying it under the ground. Er, yeah, something like that.

Bomb Bay
A huge explosion took place in a scrap ship at a ship-breaking yard of Sitakunda upazila in the port city last week. Based on our cultural belief of setting fire to things to solve problems, workers set fire to chemical wastes inside the old ship as it seemed to be the fastest process. This is against ship breaking rules but then rules are for fools. Somehow, no fools were reported to have died in this explosion.

“The developed countries don't want to clean those ships as the task involves money. So they simply dump them in countries like Bangladesh,” said Abdul Momin Talukder, chairman of the standing committee on environment and forest ministry.

War heroes to get free medicare
The freedom fighter's (FF) would get totally free treatment in the government hospitals, said Health Minister AFM Ruhal Huq yesterday. Finally those who are still alive will get to see some benefit come their way for their heroism. It's always better late than never but this really cut it close. He said over four thousand doctors will be appointed in the country within next three weeks and the hospitals will get doctors as per requirement.

Future of energy lies in the past
A high profile international conference on April 13 recommended open-pit coal mining for Bangladesh and to ease up bidding and purchasing mechanism in the power sector to encourage private investment.

We were thinking energy source would be something newfangled like solar, wind or preferably 2 billion hamsters running on their little treadmills to generate power. Going back to coal has other issues like rehabilitating the affected people, loss of agriculture lands and pollution. We suggest going with Operation Hamsters. They don't have unions.

E-voting
130 voting, counting machines are ready for use on trial basis as per Election Commission directives. Over 42,000 voters in that area will get the chance to cast their votes--one for the mayoral candidate and two for ward councilors--in the DCC polls likely to be held on May. Something tells us computer hackers will gain some employment in the next one month.

By Mood Dude and Someone

Lovin' With Dr. Lovelove

The Love Doctor that makes Cupid cry for his mommy…to get his diaper changed.

FOR those who lovelove the Lovelove, I would like to announce that there is now a Facebook fan page in my name created by none other than Lady Lovelove herself. I know you will, undoubtedly, join. Any chance you can get to come the tiniest bit closer to Me, no?

Hello Doctor Strangelove,
Well doc I am not a 16 year old girl, so you may not want to reply, but still, the world should get a glimpse of the problems of an intelligent guy for a change, don't you agree? Let's get down to business then and my problem. My problem is that I feel I have no problem. I live my life the way I want to, with mild inconveniences from the education system and my parents. That's about it. The worldly problems of moaning when whiny girlfriends come calling or when America attacks Iran is less important than the hourly load shedding that has plagued my world of late, unlike RS, whose mediocrity has no load shedding, making your column the last power station around. Now the business end of my problem. A question. Do you think I am deluded? Trying to live in a world (my world) free from worldly dilemmas and predicaments, where I can submit to and indulge in every small wish and yearning, where I can be me. Here one may be confused about the genre and pertinence of my problem, since you are a love doctor but my problem is about of love. You see I love myself, the greatest love affair of all.
No Problems.

P.S: stop indulging 16 and 13 year-olds, people are starting to get the wrong idea about you. :))

Dear No Problems,
I wonder what you refer to when you say Strangelove. Do you mean the 1964 Stanley Kubrick film or the song by Depeche Mode? Or the Coca Cola song where the guy and girl doodle on themselves? Or is it something your mind came up with (That's what you think, when in fact, I'm sure you've heard of the term somewhere before subconsciously. C'mon, you can't come up with stuff on your own, as your nick so obviously suggests. 'Death of creativity,' anyone?) Either way, your references are immaterial. No one cares. It's only because the Doctor is great and all-benevolent that he has chosen to spend a bit of his priceless time even considering your problem. If it's problems you seek, who better than the Doctor to point out your innumerable flaws so that you can work on them and fail inevitably and undoubtedly? I'm going to enjoy this.

But I must delay ripping you apart for a bit longer so hold your horses. I would like to clear the confusion about you being deluded. Let me quote: “…the world should get a glimpse of the problems of an intelligent guy for a change, don't you agree?” I think you, me, and all of my countless readers have figured out now that you ARE indeed, deluded. Of course you're not intelligent. True, you are a notch above the usual 13-year-old girl, but that's only because you're a man. It's through no credit to you. We both know the girls got fewer gray cells, don't we?

So here goes:
a) You are ugly. How do I know? Because if you weren't, you'd have a girlfriend and girlfriend related problems. But you don't. You never will. Better hope your parents cough up a good arranged marriage bride for you. No matter how much you pretend to be above all that, you know you want some of that.

b) You are only a little more intelligent than 13-year-olds. Because I'm a Genius like that, I can tell you're doing undergrad and get a clear enough idea of your IQ level and believe me, it's nothing to be proud of. You better do REALLY well and graduate because otherwise, you'll be broke too.

c) You're extremely deluded, on the verge of psychosis. Now that I've proven this to you, you can classify this as a problem. You never know when one day you're going to wake up, married, with seventeen grandchildren who call you “Papa” and have fun at your advantage while they imitate the sounds that come out during your hourly bowel movements. I would personally consult with you, but by the time I finish this, I will have ceased to care.

P.S.: You're the one 'loving' yourself. I'm pretty sure it's not me people are getting the wrong idea about. =)
Problems, inquiries and endorsements: dr.lovelove@live.com a

By Dr. Lovelove

RS Mailbox

Your one-stop junction for love, hate, suggestions and counters for the Rising Stars.

Word on our last issue:
Rayaan Ibtesham Chowdhury: The Children of Culture article was inspirational!

Hussain M Elius: I got Dälek's music after reading this issue. It's definitely different... a little darker from mainstream hip-hop.

Eshpelin Mishtak: "The retards guide ..." was retarding. I didn't even get the point of it. But, the loo thingy was cool (with many ooo's). Lovelove, as usual, was humorous at his failed attempts at being humorous! But then again, the Heartbreak Kid article was a masterpiece, best column I have read in quite a while. Typical Osama!

Kathya Sanyat: I had eyes for nothing but the centrefold... I want that HP slate so badly.

Shamayeta Rahman: Osama's back!

Redwan Hossain: RS is back, better and stronger compared to the last issue. Starting with Dr. Lovelove, who showed us why we love to read his ever so "pochafying" replies to all those poor, naive (yet somewhat stupid) souls. Dr. you rock! The retards guide pulled one or two funny lines here and there but it wasn't anything special. On the other hand "of loos and GDP" was much better. Adnans' one was hilarious when he went on to say how load-shedding would cause mutations. Lastly, Osama I loved your narration of the wrestling match between Shawn Michaels and the Undertaker. Since I saw the match myself, I could feel each and every line that you wrote. It's heartbreaking to lose such a legend in the wrestling industry; someone as great as Shawn Michaels. We will surely miss him and those moments with triple h during their stint at d-generation.

Muhammad Mustafa Monowar: RS is always the same. The way I like it. But I think it should contain some place for amateur photographers.

From the RS Desk
Attention: the deadline for application for a place on the RS team 2010 is over. We are currently processing the applications, and will NOT accept late entries. If you have applied, and have made it past the initial screening, expect a call next week for interviews. Pestering the subs with e-mails and phone calls will not increase chances of getting in. Best of luck, and keep checking out our Facebook page for updates:

Note from Emil: Note to nanotale writers. Please remember that nanotales are of exactly 60 words each. And the 60 words do NOT include your name, or the title. Or your email address. Or anything other than the tale, itself. Thanks.

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