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Weird World

The Art of Planking

Turns out the human mind is quite adept at coming up with ridiculous and bizarre ideas that are so stupid, they create a sense of awe in those with brains larger than an ant.

The latest fad, invented by the men from the land down under (bless them) follows that trend. It is the art of Planking - the peculiar practice of lying flat on your stomach with your arms to the sides of your body in unusual public places, photographing it and posting the photographs publicly so that everyone can admire your wit, humour and skill. Nothing cooler than playing dead in the middle of a highway, right?

Planking hasn't been declared illegal yet, but policemen are getting increasingly aggravated at this practice. There have even been reports of people planking ON police vehicles. How smart is that? Yes, we are being sarcastic.

One man though, takes away the spotlight - Acton B, from Brisbane. This poor planking enthusiast was perhaps not the best at physics for he wasn't aware of the power of gravity. He decided to plank, flat on his face, on the RAILING around his balcony. Close your eyes and imagine that for a moment. Yeah. He not only earned himself the much wanted fame, but a seven stories fall and a Darwin award as well. For those of you who aren't aware of what that is, it is an award given to people who find out the most extraordinarily idiotic ways of removing themselves from the gene pool accidentally, thus making future generations smarter in the process of evolution. Yes, it is given to dead people who have made the ultimate sacrifice of their lives to improve humankind's chances of survival in the process of natural selection. How many of us are going to plank on a balcony railing now, right?

By Neshmeen

The Laziness Scale

1. How do you wake up in the morning?
· At the first strike of the alarm
– As your arm gets torn off by your mother's yanking
* At the desperate moment when you can't hold in your pee anymore
§ Drowsily and reluctantly

2. When do you reach your educational institution?
§ 15 minutes after class starts
· Just in time
–Late by a period
* So late that you have to bribe the guards to let you in

3. It's the night before an important test. What are you doing?
§Trying to study with earphones in your ears
· Studying with your special lamp on
– Stalking someone on Facebook
* Running around from house to house collecting notes

4. When was the last time you cleaned your wardrobe?
– Some time in the late 90's
§ The last time your mother bothered to clean it for you
·A few months back
* You didn't.

5. What do you do the day before Valentine's Day?
* Try to borrow money from a friend to buy your significant other a gift
– Return empty handed from a futile last moment Archies' trip
· Go through your basket of perfectly wrapped gifts
§ Buy a tin of chocolates and wilted roses from the neighbourhood florist as a last resort.

6. When was the last time you showered?
–The last time there was water in the tank
§Before the last date you went on
* When your friends gave you a deodorant on your birthday

7. When someone suggests eating out, which is the first thing that comes to your mind?
§ KFC. They don't take too long to serve.
·Fancy Japanese Restaurant
– Mamu's tea-stall
* Eating out is too much trouble.

8. You can't find the TV remote. What do you do?
§Call the 'pichchi' working at your place.
·Leave no pillow or magazine unturned
* Pray to God for its miraculous return
– Call up your sibling in the next room and ask them where they kept it or threaten to tell on them.

9. How long do you take to eat?
– The length of time they show your favourite TV show for.
* Until the rice on your finger becomes cold and you skin shrivels
· Fifteen to twenty minutes
§You take longer if the food is rich

If your answers are mostly *'s, then you are the epitome of laziness. We bet there are not many people who got this result because most of the people falling under this category probably didn't even finish taking this quiz. You are not just lazy, your laziness has reached such a height that it may be called Sloth now. Repent before it is too late and fungi start growing between your toes.

If your answers are mostly –'s, then you are still quite lazy. You are the kind of person with dark secrets like a coffee mug Petri dish hidden under your bed from the last all-nighter you pulled. Try to be better before you slide into the dark world of yellow underwear.

If your answers are mostly § then you are an average teenager who thinks s/he is the laziest person alive because they missed a deadline or two and didn't clean their wardrobe. But truth is, these people are just going through a phase and will morph into hardworking students as soon as they pass out of high school.

If your answers are mostly ·'s, then you are freaking abnormal. You are the dream of all parents and are hated by other children of your own age. You are used to set an example, and be careful when you walk in the streets because your haters may do something to you one of these days.

By Anashua



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