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You: The Difference Between Sad and Smart

Like you, we too are sick and tired of our younger cousins one-upping us. And it boils the blood to think of all the things that are being done to put us to shame. By our own blood brothers and sisters. The pursuit of being a nerd is apparently all the rage. Kids these days are undertaking ventures so great that you wouldn't even be able to fail in them. So, is it because the new kids on the block are smarter? No. They are victims of a well-synchronised manipulation and the parents are behind it. You think News of the World were master puppeteers, well you have another think coming.

Oh, I am taking 23 subjects for my O'Level. Is that enough?
Yes, morons. That is enough. In fact, it crosses the realms of enough and enters a brand new territory called Retardation. Back in the days, we boasted about the 4 A's we got. Now, anything less than 11 is sacrilegious. Nowadays, with the global financial crisis coming down hard on everyone, brand new subjects have formed out of air, all to put some more cash into the pockets of the preachers. Now they even have subjects that want you to name the three rivers of Bangladesh. Subjects are branched into more subjects, like Maths B, Maths A, Pure Maths, Further Pure Maths, The Purest Maths of Them All etc. They are basically the same thing, except promising to go deeper. University complexities should be the least of your worries. Given the sheer ridiculousness of the subjects (they have Business Studies, Business and Economics and Economics as three different subjects. What?) we realise that the kids seriously can't be getting any smarter. There must be something else.

What if I don't complete my Masters by the time I am 12?
Double promotions, triple promotions, changing schools to move up a grade and dropping out to finish A' Levels by the time you turn 10 is all the rage now. It's also annoying. I will not share an office with a 15 year old child who gets the same pay package as me even though his mother comes to drop him off at work. This just does not sit well with me. Michael Kearney graduated with a master's degree in biochemistry at the age of 14. He went to some quiz show and won $25,000 then became a lecturer or something who was probably bullied by his students. Bill Gates played it cool and studied at a normal pace. He went on to become the richest man in the entire world. See a pattern here? By graduating 20 years earlier, the most you achieve is that you retire early and get a good pension. That's the most. You don't necessarily get a better job, be more successful, date super models or even do anything of note. You just graduate 20 years earlier. And 20 years later, no one gives a damn. Congratulations on nothing.

I don't have friends. My life lies in these books. Listen to all the words I learnt.
No. With complete lack of social skills you will not last 10 minutes in the real world. Social skills are very important. Your employers won't really care what your CGPA is if you can't even present yourself without a book covering your face. The business world will also eat you alive. Knowing how to talk and how to make friends is much more important than one may think. Eccentricities suit the wealthy and those who have reached a certain high in their life. Not you. There is a gulf of difference between a genius and a lone loser. A gulf of difference. Get a life. Seriously. Knowing what all the words in the dictionary mean doesn't amount to much as well. No one in the history of the universe has been hired on the basis of how many words they know.

Before this conspiracy of sorts ruins this generation completely, I urge everyone to pause and analyse; there really is more to life and thus a healthy balance should always be maintained in every sphere. In conclusion, we will not be made to look bad by these young squirts. Never.

N.B: Opinions expressed in this article are solely of the author's.

By Osama Rahman

Movies inspire, especially the older ones. There's just something about the grainy picture quality and bad graphics that enthuse people to do things they normally wouldn't. Occasionally, they're good deeds like charity. Usually though, they're motivated to do stupid things. Many were super excited about getting their ears pierced after watching the movie Parent Trap (way back when all Lindsay Lohan was famous for was being a freckly redhead).

Piercing itself is great; girls look amazing with a few earrings or a nose-pin and the likes, but doing it yourself? Really?

Step One: Numb your ears with ice.

See, you're not going to be using any fancy equipment. All you'll have is a needle. Numbing is essential.

Now, this step seems easy enough and it is. Except, it's a real pain holding that cube of ice to your ear as time keeps flying. Your hands are already numb, but you aren't quite sure if your ears are. You're never sure, because there's no way to tell. All you can do is pray that it doesn't hurt much.

Step Two: Disinfect and heat a needle.

You swipe it clean with Savlon, slowly. It's slippery. You hold it over a flame and heat it to make sure it's germ-free. I won't go into all the things that can go wrong if you don't disinfect properly. Did someone say gangrene? Yeah, best Google that to find out what it is. All I can say is, it ain't pretty. Anyway, you're holding a tiny needle over a flame good luck figuring out a way you won't get burned. It's a given. DIY piercing and burning your fingers go hand-in-hand.

Step Three: Poke, prod and pierce.

You've numbed your earlobes with ice; you've disinfected the needle only one thing left to do. Mark which place you plan on piercing and push the needle in. When you hear an odd, crunchy, pop noise, you know you're done. Yeah, a crunchy pop. It's just as painful as it sounds.

And you'll probably think the drama's over there. It wasn't so bad. Think again, because since you used a needle, the piercing is almost always uneven. You're supposed to do it in a swift, clean motion but you'll be shaky. There may also be blood. Oh yeah, and a dull, throbbing pain for at least a week. And a lot of other issues if the spot isn't properly taken care of. Don't be dumb, and don't do it yourself.

By Selima


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