“I just lost The Game,” was the first thing Moyukh, our Junior Sub-Minion said when we were discussing this issue. To those of you in the know - sorry, our hands were tied by the rules. To the others, The Game is a rather old internet gag where the purpose of The Game is to NOT think about The Game. As long as you don't think of it, you're playing it. If you think about The Game, you lose and have to let everyone in our vicinity know that you lost The Game, invariably making them think of The Game and lose it as well. Is your head hurting yet?
So after we lost The Game, we also nearly lost our guts reading about the unholy union between a giant benign land creature and the anti-benign terror of the briny deeps that has been haunting the collective psyche of the sub-continent for the past five millennia. See page 3 while we head off to play some Modern Warfare; apparently it'll help with our nightmares. While we do that, enjoy our special gaming issue.
-- Kazim Ibn Sadique, RS Sub-editor
Settling the Score
By The Kopite
Ever just sit there and wonder how to understand even a tiny part of what your significant other says to you and come up blank? Congratulations, you're a guy (for those who were in doubt). Now those of you who still harbour hopes of deciphering the coded words despair. There is no way, unless of course you're the one who cracked the Kryptos code at the CIA. Short of that though, there is always the second best thing. And by that I mean strategising your next move to turn the situation in your favour. Thoroughly conducted research suggests that football strategies are what works best. Why football? Because it's single-minded and that's what you need to be. It's also awesome.
Defensive containing: During any 'dicey situation' anticipate a relentless flow of open-ended remarks, enticing you to break rank and start the argument. This is where you have to stay strong and contain, marshal your defences shrewdly unless you want her ripping through you like Lionel Messi on steroids. Do NOT jump into tackles i.e. point out her faults. This will result in a red card and subsequent banishment. The attacks will soon lose their flow and the comments will dwindle as long as you make sure they don't hit a nerve. Or hide it well even if it does.
You can say:
“You're right, I never realised that.'
Never say stuff like: “You didn't get me
anything good for my birthday either.”
The playmaker: Get down to the brass tacks of it all by adding a certain guile and class to your approach. Granted you're no Andrea Pirlo but a little trickery and vision can go a long way in making sure that you defuse the situation. Change the topic tactfully and divert attention from whatever ungodly thing you did. Needless to say this requires practice to perfect and chances of getting shot and burned are highest at this point.
Acceptable topics: Puppies, making of fun of people she hates and/or plight of children in Somalia.
Never go near stuff to do with: Food, games, other cute girls. Especially the last one.
The counter: Just when you've managed to disconcert her, make the most of this window with a swift-counter attack. This counter should be in the form of a compliment so that she finally lowers her guard and stops trying to pick a fight. You have to be clinical in order to get this, any missed chances spells your doom. So try not to go all Fernando Torres in front of goal. This means not dredging up irrelevant compliments.
Wise things to say:
Personal compliments or even proclaiming
your eternal love for her.
Moronic things to say:
'Your pet is pretty.'/ 'Your room is pretty.'
Though you haven't won the Champions League yet it's definitely a start. Caution must be taken to make sure that gloating is not evident. Otherwise, there will be a backlash. No need to go all Mario Balotelli here. Play it right and it'll bring about a new era, devoid of blank looks and wondering what she could possibly mean. A time when you'll actually look forward to these situations. Yea, probably not.
We accept love, hate, stalkers and gunshots through our contact links below. Cake we accept in person.
Peter Regal Whittam
You do realise that all your readers are not concentrated in the city of Dhaka, right? So when you suggest awesome libraries, comic book stores, food stalls, etc. in Dhaka ONLY, it hurts us. We people from other division feel *sniff* neglected. Try to include something about other cities too, you know.
The Rising Stars We get it, but there's this sad thing called logistics that constrains us from doing what we'd really like to do, i.e. cover everything everywhere in BD.
With our circulation predominantly Dhaka along with office, writers and everything else situated here, other cities get a little left out at times. But we're up to it if you want to do a similar piece highlighting your city. If not you, find other writers where you are who want to get their words out.
Arif Khan Nabil
A cover story about vampires and no mention of Anne Rice; I really hope that she doesn't commit any felicide after hearing this.
We're just hoping she doesn't sic Lestat on us. - RS
Saad Nazh B The worst line you can ever hear is when mom yells out "Ai boyoshe ki keo games khele?" *face-palm*
The Rising Stars Moms would feel a lot better if they logged in a few hours on killing some animated alien Nazis. Modern moms do just that.