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Insanely Stupid Hypes

By Anashua

We Bangladeshis love hypes. We love the warm fuzzy feel of the mainstream and get carried away, giddy on ride. It doesn't take much to make us dance on the streets all night or even to go on a random car crushing rampage. Such is the power of the hype, that we do the most retarded things in hordes that defy all common sense. Here, we take a look at the dumbest hypes that ever seized the country.

Most people would remember the recent hype about the golden coins that started to be sold for five times their price. Someone in some corner of Sylhet spread the rumour that the golden coins are actually stuffed with all sorts of precious metals, and each coin can be sold for good money right across the border. People started stocking up on golden coins from stores in the neighbourhood and became mini-Gringotts. So many people decided to do away with common sense that the government itself had to issue warnings, and the police took to arresting golden coin collectors. The sorry losers were left with stacks of overpriced coins and a permanent distrust of humanity.

Coins are understandable, because after all, they are shiny. It's a different story when border-demarking pillars start going missing from all over the country. Someone ingenious decided that ancient border pillars contain a powerful and strong magnet that can even suck in non metallic objects, like rice. The hype spread and organised groups everywhere started stealing these cement structures. Strangely, before devising a truly complicated plan of stealing a big block of stone from right under the nose of border guards of two countries, no one bothered to look up what pillars are really made of. Or even the properties of magnets.

Bangladeshis seems to have a weird attraction towards magnets, because there is an old running myth in the villages that someone struck dead by lightning has all his bones turned to magnets. Every monsoon, as people die in storms, groups of grave robbers try to steal the 'magnets', and sometimes villagers have to set up vigils around the cemeteries. The weird thing is, like the border pillar hype, this too should have been stopped early on, since there are actually no magnets.

Unfortunately, nothing seems to have escaped the clutch of the hype, even lizards. Recently, a group of smugglers started buying 'tokkhok's - a kind of gecko - for as much as 20,000 taka. Suddenly, everyone was busy trying to capture the resident lizard and make money. Thousands of these lizards were smuggled abroad, possibly to pickle them for Chinese medicine. Blame it on our over enthusiastic nature, or the lack of education in villages, we've always fallen for these scams. We don't learn from mistakes and there's probably nothing to do except hope the next scam involves something harmless, like cake. Then we'd be happy.

Inspirational Article:
Why you shouldn't fear Zombies

By Ero Senin
Toon: Fahim Anzoom

Let us consider that people rising from the dead is due to a certain virus that animates their brain, and hence their body, rather than procrastination on the part of the Grim Reaper. Let us also consider that they are one of the genuine threats of the apocalypse, as if global warming and the earless teddy bear are not enough. We shall think that you are genuinely afraid of them, that you are not one of those who romanticises survival instincts and panic. Now we shall lessen your fear by explaining why Zombies are illogical, or elevate it trying.

What do Zombies poop?
So Zombies have an acquired taste in human flesh, at least what everyone else would make us believe. They will bite the living human's head off, mutilate the torso, rip apart the intestine and lick the brains. Then what? Even if they can digest the flesh, and the brains, there's got to be some form of excrement. Have you ever heard of a zombie sitting down on the loo excusing itself? No. Zombies cannot poop. Period.

Why don't they eat animals? Or Vegetables?
Because a zombie that is just like a common fox - stealing murgi - isn't scary. Neither are the vegetarian ones, because even when these people are alive they are pitied beyond extreme; I mean, come on, they are ignoring the best food of all time: beef!

Why are they slow?
The explanation lies in their lack of motor function. But actually if the infected brain cannot control the adrenalin and they can't feel pain, they should be able to ignore any muscle pulls, ligament strain and run as if their life depended on it. Kind of like Mashrafe - that man has had 10 operations on his legs in 11 years. And if zombies are anything close to as badass as him... we are doomed.


Tell me more about Zombie diet
According to many, zombies will be very fond of brains - the reasons unknown. Considering they are creatures that rely entirely on their brains to function, if they eat brains of other people, how would the other people turn into zombies without their brains? And let's not go into how difficult it is to get to man's brain with the skull and all.

Crows. And dogs.
And such animals that prefers flesh. You can understand why.
So, don't fear zombies. But keep a shotgun handy, just in case.


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