Funny Times

1. Chinese Proverbs:
- Man who runs in front of car get tired. Man who runs behind car get exhausted
- Man with one chopstick goes hungry.
- War does not determine who is right, war determines who is left.
- Man who drives like hell, bound to get there.
- Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.
- Man who fights with wife all day gets no piece at night.
- Crowded elevator smells different to midgets.

2. On the way to heaven:
On day a redhead, a brunette, and a blonde were on their way to heaven.
God told them the stairs to heaven were 1,000 steps and on every step he was going to tell them a joke. If they laughed they would not be able to get to heaven.
So the redhead made it to the 45th step and laughed.
The brunette made it to the 200th step and laughed.
But the blonde made it to the 999th step and laughed even before God told his joke.
God asked "Why did you laugh I haven't even told the joke yet"
The blonde said, "I know I just now got the first one!!!"

3. You have got mail:
A man was in his front yard mowing grass, when his attractive blonde female neighbor, Judy, came out of her house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it, then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house.
A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mail box, and again opened it and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"
To which she replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps saying, YOU'VE GOT MAIL."