The
Age-Old Debate
Nadia Kabir Barb
When
we are young, we just can't wait to get older anticipating
the power and freedom that comes with age and would love
to accelerate the whole growing up process. What we are
not prepared for when we are young, is the burden of responsibility
that accompanies the whole “growing up” and getting older
process. Ironically once people attain the desired goal
of actually being older, they then go to outrageous lengths
to perpetuate their achievement, deploying a variety of
tactics ranging from lying about their age to face lifts,
rejuvenation creams and pills, botox injections, falsified
passports and even plastic surgery (a nip here, a tuck there).
It seems to me that age is a very dangerous and highly sensitive
topic. Some people get extremely offended if you dare to
ask them their age while others imitate a broken record
and seem to be stationary at the same age for years. The
worst is when someone says “guess how old I am” you could
be jeopardising your career (if it is someone at work) or
your social life (a new acquaintance) by making one incorrect
deduction.
I always
wonder why it is the case that when men grow older and start
greying, people categorise them as looking “distinguished”.
On the other hand if it is a woman, then the words “hair
dye” seem to crop up in the conversation. The hardest part
of ageing is not really the external changes but more the
impact it has on your physical health. It is hard to reconcile
the fact that despite your mind staying youthful and full
of zest; your body may have other ideas. Activities that
used to be effortless become tedious and strenuous and your
reflexes slow down. However it always helps to keep your
mind and body as active as possible as long as possible
and not drown in a quagmire of apathy and inevitability.
“You are as old as you feel”.
I have
to admit that I do succumb to flattery when people comment
about my age. The other day a cab driver was chatting to
me on my way home and when I told him I had a 10 year old
daughter, he looked at me and said that I must have been
a child bride! I had to restrain myself from throwing my
arms around him and thanking him profusely for his totally
extravagant compliment and had to make do with giving him
a larger than normal tip! I can tell you that I definitely
had an added spring in my step that day. On the other end
of the spectrum, there was an incident where I had driven
the children in the car to my daughter's school while my
husband accompanied us on his motorbike. While I went inside
to drop my daughter, he stood chatting to our son who was
waiting in the car. In the meantime, his bike got knocked
over by another parent while he wasn't looking. Fortunately,
as the damage was minor, the matter was settled in no time.
But when I later met the motorbike crushing parent at school,
she asked me how my son was. I was puzzled as there was
nothing wrong with him in the first place. She then went
on to ask if his motorbike had been fixed! For a split second
I thought I must be in some science fiction horror film
where people suddenly age 30 years due to some alien virus.
I think I glared at her and told her that my “husband” and
his motorbike were fine (no thanks to her) and walked off
in a huff. However, I did check in the car mirror to see
if my hair had gone prematurely white overnight or something
as drastic. While I was traumatised by this incident, my
husband found this to be a source of amusement to for days,
in fact he still has a good laugh over it every now and
then (to my great indignation).
It
has not always been a way one street for me as I have not
just been on the receiving end but on the delivering end
of such age related comments. One particular episode that
still makes me cringe is an “almost faux pas” as I like
to call it. I didn't even make the blunder but just the
thought of what might have happened had I opened my mouth
makes me wince. A few years ago my husband and I were on
holiday and were supposed to meet up with an old friend
of my brother's called Mark. When we spoke on the phone
he invited us to his place around seven thirty in the evening.
He also mentioned that as he had a meeting at work we should
forgive him if he were a few minutes late. His mother was
visiting and she would let us in.
Well
we were there promptly at half past seven and buzzed on
the door. A lady's voice answered and said that the front
door was not opening properly and she would come down and
let us in. We waited for a few minutes and the owner of
the voice appeared. She introduced herself as Jane and we
greeted each other and went into the lift together. I have
to say I was almost gawking at Jane thinking to myself that
I would give my right arm to look as young as she did when
I got to her age. By my calculations she would have to be
at least fifty but looked a lot younger. Maybe she had resorted
to a face lift or something of that nature. I was just about
to ask her the secret of her youthfulness and tell her that
she looked great to be a mother of a thirty year old man
but thought she might find it a little impertinent of me
especially as it was our first meeting so I held my tongue
(still gazing admiringly at her).
When
we got to the flat Jane sat us down in the living room and
went away for a few minutes reappearing with a much older
lady. She then introduced this lady as Mark's mother! I
must have looked like a goldfish with my mouth opening and
closing but not very many coherent words coming out. Luckily
my husband was shaking hands and making pleasantries with
both of them so I had the opportunity to thank my lucky
stars that I had for some unknown reason (I believe it to
be self preservation kicking in) kept my mouth shut. Of
course the lady we met at the door was Mark's girlfriend
Jane. She happened to be older than him by a few years and
as he had not mentioned that she would be there I had just
assumed she was his mother (come on you would have made
the same mistake…).
I still
shudder when I think of the massive blunder I would have
made had I decided to pay Jane this compliment thinking
she was Mark's mother. a) Mark would have been rightfully
annoyed, b) Jane would probably never have forgiven me and
c) I would have died of mortification. You see, they are
now happily married and have been for a fair few years I
even got invited to the wedding! So nowadays I think several
times before I compliment anyone on their age (unless I
have had the opportunity to check their birth certificates)…
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