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     Volume 4 Issue 1 | June 25, 2004 | 8th Anniversary Issue


   Editor's Note
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Write To Mita

Dear Mita,
I'm a second year science student of DU. I got in after a hard struggle with the admission test. But after getting in, the discriminatory behaviour of some of the teachers towards male students has really shocked me. I had heard it about it in the past from my seniors but didn't believe it then. But when this happened to me here, I felt very helpless. For example, in our first year practical exams, all the girls got 70 percent marks while the boys did poorly though we attended classes regularly and did all our work. Teachers behave politely with the girls but rudely with us boys. I'm not against women and I believe both men and women should enjoy equal rights. But this sort of discrimination and bias towards girls is really frustrating. I'm losing interest in my studies and even considering quitting. Please tell me how to deal with this problem.

Dear M,
It is rather strange that in a society where girls are generally always discriminated against, one institution actually favours them and discriminates against boys! Have you ever considered that the girls got good grades because they deserved it while the boys probably did not study as hard as they should have? Are you aware that in all national examinations girls are doing better than boys? I do not intend to trivialize your concerns but you should take note of the above. Regarding losing interest in studies. The only person this action will harm is you. Therefore forget about others and concentrate on your studies. If you have some concrete evidence of discrimination then bring it to the attention of the authorities.

Dear Mita,
I'm a final year student of DU. My parents are government employees. My father became physically disabled after a road accident in 1984 and my mother is involved with another man. We all know about it but can't do anything it and it doesn't help that my father was also involved with someone else in the past. The two of them are always fighting, each blaming the other. My elder brother is a drug addict and my parents don't even seem to care. I can't take this anymore. What should I do?

Dear Damaged,
You are certainly in a very difficult situation and have all my empathy. All I can say is that since you have come so far, do not give up now. Complete your education and become an independent person, both financially and emotionally. Not everyone has the good fortune of inheriting a normal, loving and stable family. Please have faith and with determination you will be able to overcome this difficult situation.

Dear Mita,
I'm an 18-year-old first year HSC student but I can't study. I only have a private tutor for math but I know that if I work hard I can complete my syllabus. I have enough time but I just can't concentrate. I don't know why this is happening. I'm not involved with anyone; nor do I suffer from any sort of mental pressure. If I sit down to study, I can't concentrate for more than 10 or 12 minutes, even though I try to focus on my goal. I'm afraid to think of my future if I continue like this. Why does this happen? What should I do?
--Concerned and Disappointed

Dear Concerned,
Lack of concentration is a common problem at this age. You should be able to overcome it by keeping on trying. Read other books along with your course material. Put your mind to it and you will succeed. Please remember, there is nothing a person cannot accomplish with determination and willpower. It is just a mater of trying hard enough.

Dear Mita,
I'm a 30-year-old banker without very many family obligations to fulfill. My family wants me to get married and are looking for a suitable bride. However, I have met a girl through one of my friends who is cute, sober and modest and I like her. But she is an HSC student and I was wondering whether the age gap between us would be a problem, though the girl's family is interested in this match. Should I go for it?

Dear Undecided,
Yes, I do think the age gap is too much and that you should look for someone closer to your age. She might be cute and sober but not mature enough. However, if you really like her then at least give this time and get to know her better. It is not wise for a 30-year-old to jump into marriage without really finding out more about the person

Dear Mita,
I'm still a student but am about to graduate very soon. I can already feel the load of the expectations of my family as I am the son of a lower middle class family. My family thinks I'll get a suitable job after I graduate and relieve them of their sorrows. But I'm afraid of our job market. I don't have money to bribe anyone. Neither do I have any "uncles" to recommend me. Can you assure me in any way about my future?

Dear N,
There is no way to assure you. The only guarantee you have is to excel in whatever you do. Do very well in your examinations and somebody is bound to take notice. Get your first job somehow and work so hard that you become indispensable for the organisation. I know this is hard but this is the only way.

Dear Mita,
I'm a student and everyone says one's student years are the best years of one's life. For me, this is far from the truth. My father and mother are always quarreling -- they have been since I was a child. I hate it when they fight and I've asked them not to but they don't stop. I feel psychologically disturbed. I can't study properly. Sometimes I cry out loud and I've even tried to kill myself. I behave badly with everyone and am really, really unhappy but can't even talk to anyone about it. What do I do?
--Unhappy person

Dear Unhappy,
There is a similar letter above and as I said I have all the empathy for your situation. Just concentrate on your studies and tell yourself that all this will be over as soon as you become independent. Do not lose hope as there is always daylight at the end of the tunnel. It is very unfair of your parents to burden you with their fights. Have you talked with a relative or any of their friends? Perhaps they might help. All I can say is keep faith and continue to work for your independence.

Dear Mita,
I'm a 21-year-old second year student of English at National University. I've been involved with a guy for three years. The problem is, I don't think he loves me like he used to. He has undergone a great change. He had to move to Dhaka for work and we last met nine months ago. We have communicated over the phone since but I'm beginning to feel he's not interested in talking to me anymore. I'm very hurt. I love him very much and all this is hampering my studies. I've tried to make him understand but he remains passive. What should I do?

Dear Tense,
I don't think there is very much you can do if he has fallen out of love. The separation might have made him realise that you are not the right girl for him. It is sad but a fact that you will have to accept. There is no way you can force a person to love you. However, you can behave in a dignified way so that he remembers you with respect.

Dear Mita,
I'm a student of English at SUST. I asked out one of my classmates but she refused right away, saying that relationships between classmates aren't promising for a good future. She told me to think of her just as a friend and I told her I would but I can't. I act like it, but it's artificial and I don't like being artificial. As a result, I'm very frustrated and can't concentrate on my studies. What can I do?

Dear MM,
As I have written many times before, the decision to have or not have a relationship is personal and cannot be forced. If she has conveyed her wish so explicitly then you have no alternative but to accept it. If it is too difficult to be around her then stay away from her company but please do not blame her for your frustrations. Not concentrating on your studies will not get you anywhere. Rather, a determination to do better will land you friends which might turn into long term relationships.







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