Chintito
Schools
of
Art
Chintito
1.
There is a school in Bangkok where they teach government officers
the art of writing articles in newspapers criticising the
government after they have retired from service. One full
session is devoted to countering attacks by critics who dare
label them as 'monafek'. Another session is called
"The easy solution now that was impossible then".
The school lays special stress on students finding excuses
for not doing when in service what they espouse as a possibility
after retirement. As civil servants, finding excuses was never
their shortcoming. In order to prepare for the Thai school,
several prospective students tried the stunt while in service,
but soon became ex-government officers. The government should
encourage critical writing by civil servants when they are
in service so that we know why they become such geniuses with
solutions to all our problems as soon as they retire.
www.monafek_56.org
2.
There is a school in Amsterdam where they teach politicians
the art of expressing plausible excuses after losing an election.
They charge differently for municipal, national and international
posts. Surprisingly, for OIC there is no charge. The school
explains, 'We did not know they had elections. We have never
had any applicants'. The school adds, 'But we are very impressed
with the Bangladesh candidate and how he handled his recent
defeat. In a masterly stroke he brought in Turkey's Israeli
connection. That Turkey could be elected without signing the
organisation's charter has confused all -- one of the first
objectives of any losing candidate. His revelation that the
twelve who voted for him in the secret ballot were the largest
populated Muslim countries was a stroke of genius. Finally,
his ability to compel his foreign minister to say that the
comments of the official candidate were his own and not that
of the government speaks volumes about his talent. The hygienic
double-meaning words he used to make his opponents think dirty
is something we have been trying for a long time. In fact
we are thinking of approaching him to join the Faculty. He
needs no lessons. He is our role model'.
www.double-meaning.com
3.
There is a school in Bangalore where they teach politicians
the art of befriending the opposition with sweets and bouquets.
They have two sections: B.E. (before elections) and A.E. (after
elections). It is widely believed that a Kula nominee
and a couple of Dhaka mayoral candidates may have been trained
there. With our Jatiya Sangsad Speaker, past and present,
perpetually failing to win the heart of the opposition there
have been proposals to send the Speaker to this school. The
reason this exclusive hill resort school cannot accept a Speaker
as a student is because the Speaker is not supposed to have
any opposition. Le halua! According to unconfirmed
reports, an application from Bangladesh is pending at the
school on whether they can bend the rules. But a Speaker is
not supposed to bend the rules, a spokesman of the school
explains. Indian politicians Sonia and Vajpayee are its most
recent graduates. Bush and Kerry are booked for the Autumn
Session.
www.dost_i_dushman.net
4.
There is a school in Geneva where they teach ministers the
art of implementing a budget, however dreamy and out of this
world. Many observers believe that the recent budget would
have been the perfect reason for our finance minister to get
training at the academy alongside Gordon Brown and Manmohon
Singh. But, most unfortunately, there was no allocation in
the last budget for this sort of expenditure. And our finance
minister is very strict about allocations.
www.VAT_unlimited.com
5.
There is a school in Aberdeen where they teach students the
art of switching political allegiance without feeling guilty.
They give you all the tips to tackle the press, the TV interviewer,
members of the previous party, the voters of your constituency,
if you have one, etc. They also recommend tailoring houses
so that the appropriate clothing can be made overnight or
before oath-taking, whichever is earlier. Most of the students
are from Bangladesh's elite circle of politicians. However,
some students have complained that they have switched party
because they could not understand the Scottish dialect. That
has opened job opportunities for Bangla teachers at the school.
The trouble is these teachers are now ditching this school
for more lucrative offers elsewhere.
www.bangla_bhai_nai.com
6.
There is a school in Malitola where they teach you the art
of sending your hijackers the parts that were left at home
and so were not hijacked. These could include the battery
pack, the USB cable, some money that you had taken out of
your wallet and so on. This is important for HCR (hijacker-customer
relationship). It goes like this. If you can trace the hijackers
and send them things you do not need after being hijacked,
rapport could be so developed that the hijackers would also
be encouraged to send back the things they hijacked but they
do not have any use for; such as SIM, laminated driving license,
toothbrush, your wife's picture, and so on.
www.spareparts.net
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(R) thedailystar.net 2004
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