::: Star Weekend Magazine :::

Jokes

Alternative Dictionary

a	Anally: Occurring yearly Anasthesia: A Russian princess you studied in school Ankle: Opposite of aunty Anthrax: Trail made by ants Antibodies: Things uncles are familiar with Aquadextrous: Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub faucet on and off with your toes. Asthma: What you do if dad says no
b	Bachelor: A guy who has avoided the opportunity to make some woman miserable Barium: What doctors do when treatment fails Beepilepsy: The brief siezure people sometimes suffer when their beepers go off, especially in vibrator mode. Characterised by physical spasms, goofy facial expressions, and stopping speech in mid-sentence. Blood Count: Dracula Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her
c	Cannibal: Someone who is fed up with people Chicken: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead. Committee: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours. Compromise: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own Cystogram: A telegram to your sister
d	Diplomat: A man who can convince his wife she would look fat in a fur coat. Disconfect: To sterilize the piece of candy you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will somehow 'remove' all the germs. Disk Crash: A typical computer response to any critical deadline Dorito Syndrome: Feelings of emptiness and dissatisfaction triggered by addictive substances that lack nutritional content. "I just spent six hours surfing the Web, and now I've got a bad case of Dorito Syndrome." Dump: The place all your former hobbies wind up soon after you install games on your computer.
e	Egosurfing: Scanning the net, databases, print media, or research papers looking for the mention of your name. Elbonics: The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater Expansion Unit: The new room you have to build on to your home to house your computer and all its peripherals.
f	File: What a secretary can now do to her nails six and a half hours a day, now that the computer does her day's work in 30 minutes. Flink: The act of turning on your car's turn signal just long enough for it to blink for half a second. Floppy: The condition of a constant computer user's stomach due to lack of exercise and a steady diet of junk food.

The Advantages of Being A Woman

You can get rid of leg hair without pretending that you do a lot of cycling/swimming or any other sport that would require aerodynamic legs.
You absently hum tunes from musicals without anyone being suspect of your sexuality.
Should you wake up looking like something the cat dragged in, you can fix it with cosmetics.
You can have partners that are years younger than you without being called dirty old perverts.
You can scare male bosses with mysterious gynaecological disorder excuses.
Your boyfriend's clothes make you look elfin and gorgeous. They look like complete dorks in your clothes.
You have total control over our eyebrows.
It's cool to be a daddy's girl. It's sad to be a mommy's boy.
You can cry to get out of speeding fines.
The thrill of surprising people by being good at darts... and pool... and football.
You live longer, so you can be cantankerous old biddies wearing inappropriate clothes and shouting at strangers... men die earlier so you get to cash in on the life insurance.
You know that games are fun, but don't believe there's a direct correlation between the size of our scores and the size of your... womanhood.
Taxis stop for you.
You get drunk quicker and cheaper.
You have no desire to arrange your possessions in alphabetical order. Ever.
You've never fancied a cartoon character or the central figure in a computer game.
It does not enhance your social standing to understand the inner workings of a 'ruck' (or any other football thing). But you look incredibly cool if you do.

Source: The Internet