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     Volume 4 Issue 8 | August 13, 2004 |


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Jokes

Better Safe Than Sorry!

Better Be Careful!
These are actual warnings given on various products:
1. On a blanket from Taiwan -- NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM TORNADOs.
2. On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists -- REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU.
3. On a Taiwanese shampoo -- USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE.
4. On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavoured milk drink AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT.
5. On a New Zealand insect spray -- THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS.
6. In a US guide to setting up a new computer -- TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING. (Sensible, but the instruction was INSIDE the box.)
7. In some countries, on the bottom of Coke bottles OPEN OTHER END.
8. On a packet of Sunmaid raisins -- WHY NOT TRY TOSSING OVER YOUR FAVOURITE BREAKFAST CEREAL?
9. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -- PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING.
10. On a Korean kitchen knife -- WARNING: KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN.

Back To Life
A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service the pallbearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket.
They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive! She lives for ten more years and then finally dies. A ceremony is again held at the same place, and at the end of the ceremony the pallbearers are again carrying out the casket. As they are walking, the husband cries out,
"Watch the wall!"

Lost Wife
A geezer walks up to a beautiful woman in a shopping mall.
"Excuse me" he says "But I've lost my wife here somewhere and I can't find her. Could you please help me?"
"What do you need me to do?" asks the woman.
"Just stand here and talk to me" the man replies.
"How's that going to help?" she asks. "No idea really...but every time I talk to a woman who looks as good as you, my wife appears out of nowhere!!"

Hearing Problems
An old man was wondering if his wife had a hearing problem. So one night, he stood behind her while she was sitting in her lounge chair.
He spoke softly to her, "Honey, can you hear me?"
There was no response. He moved a little closer and said again, "Honey, can you hear me?"
Still, there was no response. Finally he moved right behind her and said, "Honey, can you hear me?"
She replied, "For the third time, Yes!"

 

 

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