Jokes

Truth Hurts

Good And Great Friends
A good friend will bail you out of jail.
A great friend will be in the cell next to you saying, "Damn, that was fun!"

Sleeping Problems
An exhausted looking woman dragged herself in to the doctor's office.
"Doctor, there are dogs all over my neighbourhood. They bark all day and all night, and I can't get a wink of sleep."
"I have good news for you," the doctor answered, rummaging through a drawer full of sample medications. "Here are some new sleeping pills that work like a dream. A few of these and your trouble will be over."
"Great," answered the woman, "I'll try anything. Let's give it a shot."
A few weeks later she returned, looking worse than ever. "Doc, your plan is no good. I'm more tired than before!"
"I don't understand how that could be," said the doctor, shaking his head. "Those are the strongest pills on the market!"
"That may be true," answered the woman wearily, "but I'm still up all night chasing those dogs and when I finally catch one it's hard getting him to swallow the pill!"

Rough Landing
Upon landing hard, the pilot got on the PA system, "Sorry, folks for the hard landing. It wasn't my fault, blame it on the asphalt."
On this particular flight, the airline pilot noted that he had "hammered the plane a little hard on the runway."
The airline policy was that he had to stand at the exit and apologise to each passenger getting off the plane, saying, "Thank you for flying XYZ airlines and sorry for the rough landing."
All the passengers had gotten off the plane, except for one little old lady, walking with a cane and wearing a hearing aid.
She proceeded to walk up to the pilot and said, "Do you mind if I ask a question?"
He said, "Why no, ma'am, go ahead."
She then replied, "I didn't hear the announcement. Did we land, or were we shot down?"

Confessions on the death-bed
Shumon sat alone in the hospital room at his dying wife's bedside. It was difficult to hear her above the many life sustaining devices, as her voice was little more than a hoarse whisper.
"Shumon darling," she breathed. "I've got a confession to make before I go... I ... I'm the one who took the Tk.100,000 from your safe in the house ... I spent it on a fling with your best friend Moin. And it was I who forced your mistress to leave the community in utter disgrace. I'm afraid I also was the one who reported you to the NBR for income tax evasion..."
"That's all right, dearest; don't even give it a second thought," said Shumon. "I have a small confession too. I'm the one who poisoned you."