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     Volume 4 Issue 30 | January 21, 2005 |

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Write to Mita

Dear Mita,
I am an Honours student at a college in Chittagong. I recently became friends with a girl via SMS. But she's in Dhaka and the distance between us is frustrating. I'm in a dilemma as to whether I should go on with this relationship or not. Please tell me what I can do.

Dear M,
The distance between you should not be a problem if you are just friends. If you have something more serious in mind then you should think about this because distance does create some problems. Actually, it all depends on how far you want to take this relationship.

Dear Mita,
I am a third year student of a public engineering university. I was in love with a neighbour who got married a few months ago. Before getting married, she requested me to marry her. However, being a student, I couldn't take such a decision at that point. Now she is saying that she didn't understand it before but that she can't live without me and that she wants to divorce her husband. What can I do for her in this situation?

Dear MSI,
There is nothing you can do as you are still a student. It is not fair of her to burden you with such matters. She chose to get married and did not wait for you to complete your education. If she is not happy with her husband then she has to think of other options and not link you to this. Do not get involved in all this as it might lead to complications that you are not in a position to deal with.

Dear Mita,
I am 21 years old. I fell in love with my best friend. Last year, our long friendship transformed into a romantic relationship with an unspoken promise of mutual trust. We had an extremely close and enjoyable relationship. My love was so obvious that I hardly worried about expressing it. Suddenly my boyfriend got depressed and started to suspect me. He decided not to continue a relationship where there was not enough trust. But he is the only person I love and trust a lot. I have been very dependent on him. I feel helpless. Neither is he in any better condition. I spent the last four months simply doing nothing. I have always considered myself strong, confident and realistic. But now I am really miserable. How can I help him to overcome his depression and return to his usual self? How can I know what went so wrong that he can't believe anything I say? Can counsellors really help?

Dear Lost,
Yes, I do believe that counselling helps and you should seek it if possible. It is difficult to understand why both of you have lost trust but if you are so serious about each other then you must be proactive in finding out the reasons. Being miserable will not help. You have to get hold of your emotions and find solutions. However, first you have to identify the problems. Talk to his friends, cousins, etc. Most importantly, keep communication channels open at all times. Perhaps, with your support, he will return to his usual self.

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