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     Volume 5 Issue 90 | April 14, 2006 |

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Write to Mita

Dear Mita,
I'm a 35-year-old housewife. My husband wants to have a child very badly but I have had to have a major operation, as a result of which I will never be able to bear a child. My husband always seems depressed about the fact and each day I see him slipping slowly away from me emotionally. He hardly ever speaks to me. When he comes back from work at night, I try to lighten his mood and make interesting conversation but he just grunts. I know he's not having an affair with anyone but I'm afraid that is where he is heading. I completed my A-levels and did not study further so I do not even have the qualifications to work anywhere. In fact all I've ever wanted was to maintain a very happy family in a pleasant little home. But that dream has turned into a nightmare. All my friends are working and do not have the time to spend with me. I am a very lonely person and my husband's attitude is hurting me very badly at the moment. I can feel myself going into a serious state of depression. Is there any way out of this situation?

Dear Worthy,
Don't call yourself worthless. It is self-defeating and will increase your problems. Not being able to have a child is undoubtedly a very sad thing for any couple. It takes a huge toll on the relationship and requires a great deal of maturity to handle it in a way that is not hurtful to anyone one person. However, your husband must understand that this is not your problem alone and therefore requires patience, tolerance and understanding from both. Adoption is an alternative that you could consider. Regarding your depression there is only one thing you can do and that is go out, get a degree and prepare yourself for a career. Sitting at home will add to your depression and further lower you self-esteem.

Dear Mita,
I am a first year honours student of the English department under the National University of Bogra. I come from a poor family. However, it has been ten months since I have been admitted to the college and have been trying my best to continue my studies. I have to stay in a hostel as the distance between and the college and my home is too long which is putting a huge strain on my finances. Now it is becoming extremely difficult for my father to afford the expenditures. My examinations are nearing but if this unbearable situation continues I will be compelled to stop my studies and if that happens all my dreams will come to an end. So you can very easily realise what my condition is. Please suggest what I should do now.
Md. Anwar Hossain

Dear Hossain,
I completely sympathise with your situation but other then advising you to consider giving private tuitions I don't know what to say. There are many students from very poor families who have struggled but have completed their education. Keep on trying your best, talk to the principal of the college or try to get a loan but under no circumstances quit studying. This will certainly destroy your chance of a better life in future.

Dear Mita,
I am 22 years old and studying under the national university. We have a group of very good friends. We always hang out with our friends and our boy friends because we are so close to each other. One of our friends got married to a guy who is in the army. A few months ago her husband went off to a mission abroad and will not be returning to the country in at least a year. To cheer her up we try to spend more time with her with our boy friends but for some reason she is taking this favour too far. She tries to get too close to our boy friends these days. She always tries to hold their hands and get too intimate with them. My boy friend has told me that he does not feel too comfortable with her behaviour and I am also starting to get perturbed. She has also been spotted by different people with one of her ex-boyfriends. I know her husband is a very nice person and trusts her completely and I feel angry that she is cheating on him in such a manner. But if I try to speak to her about this situation concerning our boy friends I know I will lose her friendship and I don't want to do that. What do you think I should do in such a situation?

Dear Ratri,
I do not think you need to worry about the fact that she was seen with some ex-boyfriend. Regarding her getting too close to our boyfriend. Well, it is up to him to draw the line and let her know that he is not comfortable with her behaviour. It is true that you might make her very upset if you speak to her regarding your boyfriend. However, if you are a true friend then you should support her by giving her more time and counselling her. Perhaps her loneliness is pushing her to behave her in this manner.



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