Jokes

Signs of the 2000's

Before you criticise someone walk a mile in their shoes. That way if they get angry they'll be a mile away -- and barefoot.
♥ A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
♥ If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
♥ My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
♥ Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
♥ It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
♥ For every action there is an equal and opposite government programme.
♥ Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
♥l A closed mouth gathers no feet.
♥ If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
♥ Always yield to temptation, because it may not pass your way again.
♥ Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
♥ A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
♥ Eat well - stay fit - die anyway.
♥ Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
♥ No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
♥ A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
♥ Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
♥ Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
♥ Junk is something you throw away three weeks before you need it.
♥ There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
♥ Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
♥ Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.
♥ Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognise a mistake when you make it again.
♥ By the time you can make ends meet they move the ends.
♥ Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
♥ Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
♥ I believe the only time the world beats a path to my door is when I'm in the bathroom.
♥ Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.

Source: ahajokes.com

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