::: Star Weekend Magazine :::

Jokes

For the love of sports…

Dumb Football Players
A football coach walked into the locker room before a game, looked over to his star player and said, "I'm not supposed to let you play since you failed math, but we need you in there. So, what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you get it right, you can play."
The player agreed, so coach looked into his eyes intently and asked, "Okay, now concentrate hard and tell me the answer to this. What is two plus two?"
The player thought for a moment and then answered, "4?"
"Did you say 4?" the coach exclaimed, excited that he had got it right.
Suddenly all the other players on the team began screaming..., "Come on coach, give him another chance!"

Denying To Be A Baseball Fan
"My wife claims I'm a baseball fanatic. She says all I ever read about is baseball. All I ever talk about is baseball. All I ever think about is baseball. I told her she's way off base."

Football Fan To The Rescue
Two boys are playing football in Central Park when one is attacked by a rabid Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy rips off a board of the nearby fence, wedges it down the dog's collar and twists, breaking the dogs neck.
A reporter who was strolling by sees the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy.
"Young Giants Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal," he starts writing in his notebook.
"But I'm not a Giants fan," the little hero replied.
"Sorry, since we are in New York, I just assumed you were." said the reporter and starts again. "Little Jets Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Attack" he continued writing in his notebook.
"I'm not a Jets fan either," the boy said.
"I assumed everyone in New York was either for the Giants or Jets. What team do you root for?" the reporter asked.
"I'm a Cowboys fan," the child said.
The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes, "Little Redneck Maniac Kills Beloved Family Pet."

Englishman Playing Baseball
A local community club was organising a baseball team. They could only muster eight players, and were hard put to find a ninth. In desperation, they called on a new member, a very reserved Englishman who had just moved into the neighbourhood from London, to join their team.
During their first game, the Englishman came to bat. On the very first pitch, he knocked the ball out of the park.
The team members stood there, dumfounded. Unfortunately, so did the Englishman. "Run!" his teammates cried. "For Pete's sake, run!"
The Brit turned and stared at them icily. "I jolly well shan't run," he replied. "I'm perfectly willing to buy you chaps another ball."

First-Time Golfer
A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his co-workers. Thinking he'd try the game, he asked the local pro for lessons, explaining that he knew nothing whatever of the game.
The pro showed him the stance and swing, then said, "Just hit the ball toward the flag on the first green."
The novice teed up and smacked the ball straight down the fairway and onto the green, where it stopped inches from the hole.
"Now what?" the fellow asked the speechless pro.
"Uh... you're supposed to hit the ball into the cup," the pro finally said, after he was able to speak again.
"Oh great! NOW you tell me," said the beginner.

Source: KidsSportsNet.com