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     Volume 5 Issue 121 | November 24, 2006 |


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jokes

Computers

Interesting Things That You Learn About Computers in The Movies...

1. Word processors never display a cursor.

2. You never have to use the spacebar when typing long sentences.

3.
All monitors display 2 inch high letters.

4. High-tech computers, such as those used by NASA, the CIA or some such governmental institution, have easy-to-understand graphical interfaces.

5. Those that don't will have incredibly powerful text-based command shells that can correctly understand and execute commands typed in plain English.

6.
Corollary: You can gain access to any information you want by simply typing "ACCESS ALL OF THE SECRET FILES" on any keyboard.

7. Likewise, you can infect a computer with a destructive virus by simply typing "UPLOAD VIRUS." Viruses cause temperatures in computers, just like they do in humans. After a while, smoke billows out of disk drives and monitors.

8. All computers are connected. You can access the information on the villain's desktop computer, even if it's turned off.

9. A hacker can get into the most sensitive computer in the world before intermission and guess the secret password in two tries.

10. Complex calculations and loading of huge amounts of data will be accomplished in under three seconds. In the movies, modems transmit data at two gigabytes per second.

11. No matter what kind of computer disk it is, it'll be readable by any system you put it into. All application software is usable by all computer platforms.

12. The more high-tech the equipment, the more buttons it has. However, everyone must have been highly trained, because the buttons aren't labelled.

13. Most computers, no matter how small, have reality-defying three-dimensional, real-time, photo-realistic animated graphics capability.

14. Laptops, for some strange reason, always seem to have amazing real-time video phone capabilities and the performance of a CRAY-MP.

15. Whenever a character looks at a VDU, the image is so bright that it projects itself onto his/her face.

16. People typing away on a computer will turn it off without saving the data.

17. Computers never crash during key, high-intensity activities. Humans operating computers never make mistakes under stress.

18. If a disk has got encrypted files, you are automatically asked for a password when you try to access it.

19. Programs are fiendishly perfect and never have bugs that slow down users.

20. Any photograph can have minute details pulled out of it. You can zoom into any picture as far as you want to. Example: "What's that fuzzy thing in the corner? I don't know, let's check. It's the murder weapon! Let's look under the bed for the killers shoes. no, just some comics books (Marvel 1954, very rare). Let's check the closet shelves...!"

Source: Lotsofjokes.com

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