::: Star Weekend Magazine :::

View from the Bottom

My Impudent Dog's Sense of Propriety

Shahnoor Wahid

I was watching news on TV last evening when my concentration was shattered by loud laughter. Startled, I turned around and saw my dog Gooby rolling over the floor clutching his stomach. He was laughing his guts out!

“Hey...hey...hey...Gooby...cut that out....what's the matter? What is it this time? I am not watching Tom & Jerry!” I told him.

“Oh master, this is cool. This is even funnier than Tom & Jerry or Popeye or Donald Duck or Micky Mouse. This is real life Tom, real life Donald, real life Micky. Now, you don't need to watch those cartoons. You have them out there in real life.”

“Gooby, all these years I thought I understood you. But today I admit I have no idea what you are talking about!

I don't see any real life cartoon characters out there. Now, would you please be more specific. I beseech thee!”

“Look...look! Look at them masters! There go some of those cartoon characters! Only months back they were riding in most expensive cars flying the Bangladesh flag and today they are riding in prison vans! Look how they try to pretend as if everything is normal and they have been victimised by some evil men. Listen to what their lawyers have to say. They are trying to prove to the world that their clients are dhoa tulsi pata or whatever you say in your language. Say, shouldn't there be law to arrest lawyers defending known crooks by suppressing evidence? When we grab a bone, we do not say all sorts of nonsense. It's dog pride”

“Look Gooby, no matter how much I love you and give you importance in this house, at the end of the day you are a dog, and those are human beings. By the right of their birth they are superior to you. As per the scriptures, one day they will go to heaven but you will not. Therefore, show some respect, please. Even if you are hundred percent honest (which you are), loyal, dutiful and hard working, people will not vote for you. They will go to vote for those people riding in a prison van today. Who knows, they might use this photo in their election poster. They always return as heroes from prisons. So, be quiet and let me watch the news. By the way, why are you so disrespectful to our politicians? Give me one reason.”

“One reason? Did you say one reason? Let me laugh for a while. Well, then listen to this. In this country give a politician an inch and he will want a yard. Give him a yard and he will grab your courtyard, including your family graveyard. Give him a glass of water to drink and he will grab the entire water-body. That's the kind of people who have been (dis)gracing the sacred institution you call Parliament.

You know, it is uncanny, but somehow they look alike, dress alike, talk alike and do things alike. They are good at destroying old buildings, old trees, old traditions and old images. I have been told that this country has been ruled for the last 35 years by groups of people who eerily fit all the above descriptions. There have been exceptions, but exceptions only prove the rule, as said by wise humans ( I have to agree, there are some wise humans in this world).”

“Gooby, thank God no one can understand your language except me. Otherwise the goons of the politicians would have picked you up and taken you to their class committee.”

“Ah...master...master...look...there goes your friend - 'looking for shatrus'! I wonder where is 'Allahr maal'!”

“Now, who said anyone of them was my friend, Gooby? This is too much really. You are being impudent. Where are your manners?”

“Master, I know everything. Do you want me to bring out those black briefcases filled with dollars? Do you want me to dig out the gold bars from your backyard? What about those 100 flats? I know where the papers are! You know I never lie.”

“Hush...hush....hush for Pit's sake!! Here good dog....here is a big bone for you. Honest, this has been bought by my sister with her honest earning....here take it.....”