Real life fairy tales

Chintito

At the recently concluded 2008 Beijing Olympics, the respective performances of our five participants have been dismal. Asked why five, when none of the athletes were known to be up to the mark, one blazer attired Bangladeshi official questioned the very knowledge of the questioner, 'Have you not seen the five rings on the Olympic flag, you @^%!?'

'But do the coloured circles mean zero?' countered the calm interviewer. This so infuriated our deshi official that he forgot the Olympic Charter and started throwing abuses and things. Fortunately, the interview was being held online and no one was hurt, except the values that sport stands for. But, who cares? Nothing was broken except his TV screen. He cares.

In case you care about how we fare in international meets and forgot the outcome of months of hiccupped practice, the bishaal budget and the guta-guti for a place in the delegation (more so among the managers and coaches; oh! pray what do they manage and what do they coach?), here is a summary:

1. Country's Fastest Woman, Nazmunnahar Beauty, finished last among the eight participants in the heat number seven with a timing of 12.52 seconds. She finished 62nd among 85 competitors in the women's 100 metre sprint.

Chorus (altogether now): Not bad, not bad! At least she was not last!

2. Country's Fastest Man, Mohammad Abu Abdullah finished 67th among the 80 contenders in the men's 100 metre sprint with a timing of 11.07 seconds.

Chorus: Not bad, not bad! At least he was not last!

3. Our swimmer, Dolly Akther was placed 73rd among the 90 participants.

Chorus: Not bad, not bad! At least she was not last!

4. Our shooter, Mohammad Imam Hossain finished 46th among 51 participants in the qualifying round of the men's 10 metre air rifle.

Chorus: Not bad, not bad! At least he was not last!

5. Our swimmer, Mohammad Rubel Rana finished 45th among the 45 competitors in 100 metre backstroke.

Chorus: Too bad, too bad! He was last!

Now why are we delving into this boring topic about exciting sports events after so many months, and when our managers and coaches are already looking forward to the 2012 Olympics?

Chorus: Not bad, not bad! At least we will not be last!

Results are not everything. If we have been able to build friendships (as if those countries who did not send competitors are our enemies) at a cost of several crore Takas, the purpose of some interested quarters has been served, because they would have been able to upgrade their quarters.

There is an uncanny relationship between sports and politics. In fact, for several years now we have been unable to think of sports in Bangladesh without politics, because politicians have become sports organisers and sports persons have been seeking nomination from major political parties. We have no information whether these politicians raised from the sports grounds take their election defeat sportingly or not. Given our blood type, most likely not!

Just as in sports, results should not be everything in politics. If the majority of voters believe that omuk will be able to serve the task at hand, then the precise basis of the voter list should be questioned.

It is being widely expected that from now on all twenty or more losing candidates will queue in front of the winning candidate's house within fifteen minutes of the results to embrace and heartily congratulate the latter, and to offer their humble resources and services for the welfare of the teeming millions.

Chorus: That is so wonderful it sounds like a fairy tale.
Thank you Reform Dadu, shei din doorey noy, when actually ten or more probable candidates from each party (that's about one thousand self sacrificing citizens, also known as suicide bombers in some countries) will sit in a rented hall (rent will actually be paid) with none crowding the corridors, so that they can elect someone deserving as an uncontested as MP from their elaka.

Chorus: That is so wonderful it sounds like a fairy tale.

In the coming weeks there will be no intimidation, no pick-ups (except transport vans), no rolling of money, no barriers, no spoiling of your boundary wall with large alphabets, no khoon-kharabi. There will not be issuance of threats like the one against Bidisha (of Ershad fame) by a Jatiya Party vice chairman and former MP Waheduzzman Sarker, who declared that she would not be allowed to enter Sundarganj (Gaibandha) area, wherefrom she wants to seek elections. (DS 8 Oct 2008) According to highly in-form sources, the two have recently shaken hands, thanks to reforms, and Sarker is actually preparing to receive Bidisha at Gaibandha airport (yet another success story).

Chorus: That is so wonderful that it sounds like a fairy tale.

The economy promises to be so organised due to reforms that every monga victim will be provided with a deep freeze. A reception committee will welcome every passenger at the airport with a stick of rajanigandha, as the touts and fouts will have found better occupation. The police ordinance will ensure that a constable can penalise a minister's driver for violating the red light. Political leaders will need psychiatric help to get rid of their loneliness because no one visits them outside office hours.

Chorus: That is so wonderful it sounds like a fairy tale.
It is!

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