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Write to Mita

Dear Mita,
I am a 30-year-old woman and a mother of two children. I have been very active as a student back in my university days. I used to be involved in national debate tournaments, organising teams of several musical programmes and so on. I had always thought that I would be doing something special with my life. But, now as a mother and also an employee in a bank in Dhaka, I feel that I have not done what I had always wanted to. Frankly speaking, I have everything a loving husband, two beautiful children and a well paying job. Yet there is something that is missing from my life. What can I do to get rid of this feeling?
Confused

Dear Confused,
These feelings are common among high achievers especially, women who are ambitious with high expectations. First you should take stock of you life. What you have achieved, and have not. Then, count all the blessings, you home, children, family and husband You could have been a very high profile person, perhaps somebody very important, but would you be happy? For women it is important to balance professional ambitions with family responsibility. While your frustration is very valid, you must put it in perspective .Look at your family and compare with those who do not have them, you will feel much better.

Dear Mita,
I'm a 27-year-old working woman. Ever since having finished my studies recently, my parents have been asking me to consider marriage. Perhaps this is the 'right' time, but after a few failed relationships and having witnessed those of others around me, I am apprehensive about making a commitment which I'm not yet sure about. I don't have anyone in mind and am not keen on meeting people suggested by others. In short, I just do not feel ready for marriage at this point. What should I do?
Apprehensive

Dear apprehensive,
You are a 27 year old independent women who knows her mind. You should decide when to get married. Try to explain to your parents, I am sure they want to seee you married happily then just married. If you put forward the right logic I am sure they will understand. At the end of the day, parents just want the happiness and security of their children. Often they misunderstand where the security will come from.

Dear Mita,
I am a 22-year-old man and am in a relationship with a 27-year-old woman. We have been together for the last two years. Obviously, it had started out innocently- we were just friends. But then we would talk regularly and also meet up. We discovered that we have plenty in common. We would like to tie the knot in the next year or so, but we also know that our families would never agree to this marriage. What can we do to make our families agree to this arrangement?
Worried

Dear Worried,
First, you are really very young to consider something as serious as marriage. However, if you are so keen then prove to your family that you are mature and ready to take on the responsibility of marriage.. Which means that you should be able to support yourself and your wife and are able to live independently. Once you do that then you will have a valid reason for seeking permission from your family. If they object just because she is older then you will just have to remain strong and live up to your commitment. Parents as you know always agree in the end.

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