The Whining Never Ends
By
Hamdu Mia
A
research was carried out. Different cases were studied and inferences
were drawn from them. Details are given below.
Case
Study 1. Hablu was suffering from serious insomnia. He got
barely more than two hours of sleep every day. Sometimes he even went
without sleep for several days in a row. This was having severe effects
on him both physically and mentally. Desperate to make life normal,
Hablu consulted a doctor. The doctor prescribed a regular dosage of
Shark and Tiger energy drinks for him, but even those failed to work.
Hablu then went to a homeopath. The homeopath instructed him to read
the Rising Stars regularly. This worked a bit, but was not that efficient
since the magazine comes out only on Thursdays. Hablu was distressed.
Life had started losing its meaning to him and he was slowly evolving
into a nocturnal creature. It was then that BTV World came to him
as a blessing from God more appropriately, as a blessing from the
government of Bangladesh. BTV World has given Hablu thrice as much
sleep as he needs and nowadays he sleeps so much that even Gulliver,
Rip Van Winkle and the Sleeping Beauty would drop their jaws in awe.
Inference. BTV
World is here to put all the manufacturers of sleeping pills out of
business.
Case
Study 2. The year is 2300 AD. Thames Pond is now 21 years
old. He has been born and brought up in England. However, since his
childhood, he's had this innate feeling of not being an Englishman.
The only English trait he possesses is the typical British accent.
Apart from that, he is totally non-English. He picks his nose all
the time, spits pointlessly here and there and even makes toilets
out of footpaths. As a result, he's an outcast in his own birthplace.
Not able to take his eccentric behaviour any more, the court sends
him on exile to this far-off land called Bangladesh. Soon after reaching
Bangladesh, Thomas recalls his past life, in which he used be a native
of Bangladesh. He has been able to recollect all that thanks to a
channel known as BTV World, whose sets and locations remain just as
Thames recalls them, those he had seen hundreds of years ago. Thames
Pond now lives happily ever after in Bangladesh.
Inference.
Years come and years go, but the sets of BTV World stand strong and
proud, unchanged by time.
Case
Study 3. Mrs. Jorina is a very fashionable lady. She eats
fashion and she sleeps fashion, even though she is not able to spell
the word "fashion". All her neighbours envy her with pure
hatred for her great sense of fashion and huge collection of fashionable
clothing. However, they never express their jealousy in public. Who
could ever be rude to such a fashionable lady commanding respect with
the very clothes she wears? What's weird is that Mrs. Jorina doesn't
subscribe to any fashion magazine. Nor does she buy any of those fashion
supplements newspapers publish every now and then. For a fashion freak
like her, that's abnormal. When asked how she manages to keep up with
the ever-changing world of fashion, this was her answer. "Well,
who needs all that unnecessary stuff about fashion, when you have
BTV news? Out of the allotted 30 minutes, 20 are spent showing our
Prime Minister. All they show is where the Prime Minister went, what
she said and most importantly, what she was wearing. When you can
follow the head of the nation simply by watching TV for 30 minutes
every day, who needs to go through fashion magazines and the like?"
No wonder! That puffed-up hairdo always seemed kind of familiar.
Inference.
News is defined by BTV as "Everything concerning the Prime Minister
and the rest of the government".
Case
Study 4. Ever since Chandu had entered college, he was looking
forward to his Fresher's ceremony. It was the first big event for
the new batch of students. So it held a lot of appeal for Chandu and
all his classmates. After a long wait, the day arrived. Everyone was
in a festive mood, including Chandu himself. The programme was to
be a long one and go deep into the night. It started perfectly with
good performances from his immediate senior class. All the classes
came one by one and delivered really enjoyable performances. At last
came the most senior class. Their performance was the worst in the
entire evening and was so bad that it gave Chandu a headache. Chandu,
being a very polite and gentle boy, went on watching quietly while
his classmates kept on grumbling incessantly. All he could do was
pray that the performance would end soon. However, it appeared that
the torture would never stop. The losers kept on going and going with
their cheap performance and gradually Chandu started losing his cool.
After almost an hour of ridiculous and horrendous sense of entertainment,
Chandu could bear it no more. What he did next brought the whole auditorium
to a standstill. He stood up, and shouted at the top of his voice,
"Haay re Khoda, er cheye to BTV World dekhao bhalo!"
Inference.
Watching BTV World is not a good experience.
That's something
the people running BTV World don't realise or rather pretend not to
realise. It is also possible that they don't realise it because they
don't even watch the channel. When they went a step farther from BTV
and started BTV World, they should have put their minds to work. BTV
World is now a channel that is broadcast worldwide and thus holds
extra importance for being the national TV channel of Bangladesh.
But no! You can never expect anything good in Bangladesh. That is
why we have to see the same old actors, the same old sets and the
same old boring crap. If a foreigner ever watches BTV, s/he'll take
us to be a tasteless nation having a crude sense of entertainment.
S/he may even have pity on us. Unfortunately, there's nothing you
can do about it. All you can do is not watch BTV, the same old thing
we've been doing since we saw television.
