The week in re(ar)view

Off with clothes
A 50 to 100 percent yarn price hike has made home textile products less competitive both on domestic and international markets. First, food prices went up and people faced trouble eating. Now pricey clothing. While other nations evolve, we are going back to those times when people lived 'nekked' in caves. Except we don't have caves either.

The land has landed
Good news for land grabbers as they now have more Bangladeshi land to grab. Sediments flow down from the Himlayas and collect into charlands. This has added a net increase of 1,790 square kilometres to the country's landmass mostly in Noakhali. That's like five times the size of Dhaka city. Now if only we can move the excess people out of Dhaka city into the new land mass. Maybe even under it.

The study found that a 1950 earthquake accelerated the sediment flow by causing huge landslides in the Himalayas. One country's earthquake is another country's sedimentary gain.

Kung fu against land grabbers
A parliamentary body on April 20 asked Dhaka deputy commissioner's office to serve notices immediately on more than 1,000 individuals, organisations and establishments to dismantle the structures they had built encroaching on the city's 39 canals.

If the grabbers don't comply with the order within one and a half months, Dhaka Metropolitan Police, Dhaka City Corporation, Water Supply and Sewerage Authority, Deputy Commissioner's Office and League of Extraordinary Kungfu Masters (LEKM) will launch a joint canal recovery operation. Recruitment for LEKM is underway at the RS office.

Crooked Cakes of Chittagong (not a rock band)
Rapid Action Battalion (RAB) members seized 65,000 pieces of rotten eggs from a covered van at Pahartali Sagorika Road in Chittagong last week. There was a similar news a few weeks ago in Re(ar)view (your trusted source of news you'd miss otherwise).

The rotten eggs were reportedly brought from Gazipur for supply to different bakeries. Question isn't whether these bad eggs are bad for health but more importantly, how on earth do they make food with bad eggs and people can't tell the difference? Have they developed a new way to make bad eggs edible? More importantly, why did the chickens cross the road to lay bad eggs?

Good time to be a public (sector) woman
The Ministry of Women and Children Affairs has proposed fully paid maternity leave for six months instead of four for women in government services. That's just like 4 months but with 2 more.

This is to help improve the malnutrition status of children, as the mother will be able to breast-feed her baby for six months after birth. However, in private sectors including garment factories, a large number of women are working without getting any maternity leave. The Finance Division will hold a meeting next week in this regard.

Break ship, pay for it
Last week we told you about poor methods of ship dismantling at Chittagong causing loss of life and more importantly loss of money. The Department of Environment (DoE) on April 21 sued four ship-breaking yards in Chittagong for pollution. Ignoring an order of the High Court, ministry has recently relaxed its import policy allowing scrappers to import toxic vessels. None of over 100 ship-breaking yards in the country has any facilities to clean ships built with substances like asbestos and PCB. In case you didn't know, asbestos was very good at sound absorption, tensile strength and resistance to heat, electrical and chemical damage. Good for insulating homes, ships and car parts. One minor problem, it killed people by destroying the lungs. As a result asbestos was banned in 2004. Of course, we still live in 1984. So it's considered safe.

By Mood Dude and Someone

Why I'm Right

A statement of apology:
The response I got last week has really opened my eyes. The amount of hatemail I received in my inbox, not to mention the RS fan page has made my ego crumble into dust. Where do I get off judging other people for their flaws? What right do I have to scrutinise the same flaws that make humans what they are? Humans are an imperfect creation, I should realise, and let them be. The literal avalanche of opposition that people have spewed forth makes me want to cry instead, Cupid be damned. Hey, Cupid, can I borrow your diaper? I don't want the mess in My trousers to be a regular thing. So, sincerely, I apologise for the object of hatehate I've become and would like nothing more than to bow down before the RS readers and say that I have been wronged and shown My place, where I belong. You have humbled Me and shown Me My true self: nothing more than an empty shell of a human being, crushed and left over. I apologise again.

PSYCH!
If I weren't such a brilliant doctor, I'd be an actor. Because pretending to care what you puny, pathetic little people think of me deserves an Oscar, at least. And unlike the people who 'hatehate' me (yeah, couldn't even come up with something yourselves, could you?), I am not a wussy. “Oh, no, the Doctor is giving the same advice, let me complain about it before I attend my synchronising kitty party!” You couldn't touch Me with a billion-foot pole and the only way you could would be if you were to acquire a pair of endlessly long lips and pucker 'em right up to kiss my behind. And even then, you'd have to get in line. Hey, you do deserve a pat on the back. Got me to acknowledge your almost non-existent presence.

I am Grand. There never was any doubt about it.
The people who oppose what I do make me realise that more than ever. If you're doing something that everyone loves, and if everyone loves you, you're doing something wrong. If you're not ruffling a lot of feathers, you're not pushing it hard enough. And guess what you sorry pieces of your parents' offspring proved? That's right.

As for the repetition: see, what your mediocre-sized brains can't comprehend is that RS has teenage wussy readers such as yourselves, and teenage wussy readers write to the Doctor, and all wussy teenagers have the same wussy teenage problems. So what is the Doctor to do about your juvenile hindrances that you can't run to your mommy about? Or give an emo haircut about, would be more appropriate. Not to mention RS' pubescent censorship rules which don't really allow Me to even come close to revealing your flaws. When your oestrogen levels drop down (at this rate, doesn't look like it's going to be before you're forty five), and you have problems worthy of Me not having to repeat Myself over and over again, you can come back. I'll even throw in a compliment for the new bleak look your life has taken. At least, you'd have changed.

All of you lovelove me. Don't deny it.
When was the last time, if there ever was a time, when someone sparked such intense discussions, love and hatred in the RS fan page, let alone your lives? So many deliberations as to who I am? You care about Me, I know that. If it weren't for Me, everyone would be going when referring to the RS: Oh, yeah, that magazine with the teen love crap and all that other childish things we don't care about. But now, people go: Oh, yeah, the one with Doctor Lovelove. I hate/love him so much! What you don't realise is that I give you purpose. Without Me and the problems that you delude yourself into thinking give you meaning, what would you do? You need me.

Oh, this was a rant more than anything. And I quite enjoyed it. Didn't think it was funny? Good. It's all true. This is why I irk so many of the pointless readers I have. I'm always right. To the hatehaters: Do not beat yourself up. You tried. Now what, more hatemail? Even though you're loathe to admit it, I keep things interesting. To the lovelovers: I lovelove you, too. To the women: Keep it dumb. Like I needed to tell you that. And to the people who think I'm a girl: That is low, man. I'd prefer being called a dog.

Hello, everybody. Guess who's back and will keep coming back? That's right. The Doctor's in the House. And I'm Grander than ever and still making Cupid cry for his mommy so hard that Noah could sail in the tracks of his tears.

Boom.
P.S.: Even though I have all the characteristics that encompass the word 'awesomeness,' please stop calling me that. Do I look like an American sitcom character wannabe to you?

Problems, inquiries, endorsements and KMA's: dr.lovelove@live.com

A shoutout to Anthea for lovelovin' it the way it should be done. And Lady Lovelove, you'll always be the Oneone.
Disclaimer: The views expressed in this article are the writer's own.

By Dr. Lovelove

RS Mailbox

Your one-stop junction for love, hate, suggestions and counters for the Rising Stars.

Word on our last issue:
Aydid Bin Touhid: Awesome anime review! Hoping for MORE ANIME in future! Cool job, homies!

Usama Masud: Hello there, whoever is behind all the craziness, tell me how I can sue you guys. The first issue of Dr. Lovelove made me fall from my living room sofa and rather than "laughing" my behind off, I broke it!

Tasmia Tasin: I never expected Kokoro-chan to write more than just anime reviews; but still I liked his/her "Biology Lab Tales: Cockroaches". I request the RS staff: Can all of you staff members give us your interviews, like your likes, dislikes, when and why did you join RS Team; something like that because I really love all of your works in RS.

Tabassum Mokhduma: I don't know why, but I still feel like RS was at its best between 1999-2004.

Zarin Khushnud: I liked Babu! And the picture on the cover page was so cute! The pink shoes..WOW! Oh, and the teddy bear...aww!

Ashraf Uz Zaman: Another proficient piece of writing by Shehtaz Huq, 'For Grey Skies.' The kind of write up that makes you read it till the last words and in the end, resonates with your thoughts. 'Mehman Miseries' was an interesting read. Love-love was Mundane-mundane, failed humour. As for the cover, I had anticipated something different (remember, it was Earth Day) and appealing than this (sorry, Musarrat). Was surprised to see IPL-ICL-NCL stuff when so much is going on in EPL.

PS: Emil/Elius can we have a tech-review on next issue, FB 'liking' the Web, perhaps?

Adeeba Rahman Risha: Hey RS! This week was awesome, loved the cover story. Missing HU and S.N Rasul a lot

Samiha Rahman: I'm not a big Musarrat fan, but I have to admit, her cover story was AWESOME! Shehtaz Huq's story was a masterpiece, and the movie reviews were cool too. Dr. Lovelove showered us with His Awesomeness once more, you're simply the best!

My life would suck without RS!

Md Shahadat Hossain: The Bio Lab article- Couldn't stop laughing. A great piece of humour. Haven't read something like this for a considerably long time. Eagerly waiting for his next one...(hopefully about worms)

Walid Rahman: This week's RS was a classic. The cover story captured today's reality. The Bio lab article was highly satisfying and humorous. But what made my day was 'Because'. Hats-off to Murgi and Kauwa for that masterpiece. What they wrote about the Swat Kats absolutely depicted my thoughts, word to word… made me remember my childhood delights. I actually cut that writing out and stuck it on my wall board! 'Because'- the BEST article I've read yet!

Sonia Mozahid: I appreciate and agree with the writer of Larger Than Life article. It is really important to think and discuss about these issues. Besides technological advances, we should think about our morals. I look forward to read more about these topics.

From the RS Desk:
We apologise for closing off application receipts for our recruitment a week earlier than previously notified. We have short-listed 18 applicants for the screening process, so if you have already applied, watch your phone for a call-up. If you haven't applied yet, we'll hope you will next year. Thanks for all your support

Send us your feedback and thoughts on RS at ds.risingstars@gmail.com. Also, you can visit our Facebook fan-page to keep up with all the weirdness that goes on behind the scenes.