My junior sub-editor is busy stapling his shirt as I write this. Now why would he be doing that? He is inventing new ways to keep his shirt on cause his buttons flew off. How he got into this situation is better left untold. Also he thinks he's a bit of an Einstein. And Steve Jobs. He has a wild imagination.
Where would we be without imagination? Probably studying finance, be rich and not working for a magazine. But then life would be a little dull. We need imagination to think up flying cows, ways to cool a country using a freeze ray and running around thinking you're a kid when you're not. And then life becomes more livable. Bring on the wild imaginations.
-- Ehsanur Raza Ronny, RS Editor
It's so hot outside chickens have stopped laying eggs because the moment they even think of eggs, their thoughts become hard boiled. Fast. We don't open our wallets outside because coupled with the inflation and this heat, our money burns faster than our government changes its mind.
So we need to cool things down fast. We asked our Facebook page trolls, fans and more trolls for suggestions. We asked for the rise of an evil genius. Why? Because evil geniuses always try to destroy the world by making it go cold, hot or nuclear. We prefer the ones that go for the cold. Rules of the game? Leaving the fridge door open does not qualify.
Numaya Shahriar, resident newbie writer who can't cook, suggested Doofenshmirtz. We like the guy. He's always building a gadget that could change things forever. He has made things to make people voices sound high pitched to match his own. Machines to make things invisible. But his nemesis is his habit of going into great trouble to name them with an '-ator' in the end. Reversinator? Aashna Chowdhury Medha pointed out his actual nemesis, Perry the Platypus. That platypus always spoils the gig for Doofie. If you don't know what this is about, watch Phineas and Ferb. S.m. Shafqat Shafiq says he works at Doofenshmirtz's. But then he went on about Blossom from the Powerpuff Girls and her Ice-Breath. We figure Superman could do the ice breath thing as well. Someone say he's not an evil genius? Really? He's too good to be true. No one is that good, no one except new born puppies.
Nazif Alam nominated Mojo Jojo but this guy keeps saying the same thing over and over again. He's tedious. He should talk less and do more shooting. Mastura Tasnim, another newbie writer who pretends to cook, suggested Megamind. Now there is a bit of promise. But then, underneath his blue skin, he's all pink and fuzzy and warm. He's a good guy and good guys can't be evil geniuses.
Annoyíng Ayon, a reader with a self-tagged adjective to his name brought up dementors from Harry Potter. No, we want a chilled country, not our souls. Our souls need to remain apparently jolly. Tauhidul Islam Khan Rashique talked of a guy who planned to irrigate the deserts of the world using snowballs from Antarctica. We think that guy is called Tauhidul Rashique.
So in the end, we are left with Mr. Freeze as suggested by Mohammad Zaheer Hasan. Only problem is he uses diamonds to power his freeze gun. Unless he becomes a politician, there is no way he can get his hands on so much illegal wealth. Which brings us to the ultimate winner: a politician. They are evil. They can manage great funds. Why funds? Because Umme Salma, another reader, suggested importing part of the North Pole. And we Bangladeshis love importing stuff than building them ourselves. But can the North Pole be made in China because that's where we import everything from.
World No Tobacco Day:
Smoking vs Hindi serials
Everything can kill us these days. Let's face it, just walking outside while checking our status update on our phone can kill us. So where does smoking stack up as a killer? Pretty high. Smoking kills more brain cells than watching Hindi serials all day long. Smoking also stinks more than Hindi serial scripts. So by the laws of high school mathematics, smoking is worse than Hindi serials. World No Tobacco Day brings this and many other health issue information on May 31st. Well, maybe not exactly this but we are pretty sure we are providing a better argument against smoking than saying it just kills. Unless you LIKE Hindi serials. In which case, it's too late for you.
'I heard you got into Yale?'
By Moyukh Mahtab
Whoa, I did? With my grades? With that little studying, no extracurricular and most importantly without even applying? I must be that awesome. Or I might have got into some other university whose name rhymes with Yale, told a few people about it and voila!
Things can get really embarrassing when something like that happens - Chinese whispers are not always funny. Sure it's worth a good laugh sometimes. Like the classic, clichéd example of the guy who had a child who was a little dark. Retellings of the story turn to the guy having a crow for a child. But when you have people congratulating you on your success on getting into an Ivy League university, correcting them is very, very embarrassing.
Talk of embarrassing, have you ever wondered why we think violets are blue. I mean come on, its named violet. Yes, go ahead; take a moment to reflect on that. I can imagine you going, “My life is a lie.”
On a slightly different note, ever tried playing Chinese whispers with your imaginary friends. For those who haven't here's a fair warning, it's not as fun as it sounds like. Granted it does not sound much fun in the first place, but trust me it is worse. I started out with Roses are red. After a whole round, the last imaginary friend got up and looked at me angry. He was outraged I said Rose was dead. Rose didn't die in Titanic, she selfishly saved herself. Yeah, imaginary friends, rage issues seem a common problem with them these days.
With real life friends on the other hand Chinese whispers make for awkward school moments. Told that friend you had a crush on someone? Well be sure to expect people asking you how long you have been dating the very next day. And this is the very tip of the iceberg when it comes to Chinese whispers in school. Iceberg - geddit? Titanic? No? Nevermind.
For more rants, birthday wishes, debates, Chelsea fans and cakes, check out our page. Link below.
This week, we got some love:
I love RS. I truly get unplugged being with it.
Acoustics ftw! - RS
Chisty Abul Hasnath
RS, every Thursday, you make me feel good.
Time to play some B.B. King. - RS
Peter Regal Whittam
Oi! Y U NO mention Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz in the list of mad and evil scientists?
Three is a party, four is a crowd. - RS
Nakib Sheikh Zaman
This is the only thing that I read!!!!
So our book reviews are going to waste? - RS
Please tell me what is with the cake???!!!!
Tasty chocolate cream filled slices of heaven. What more do you need? - RS
Also, last week, we published a comment by Mahin Khan in this section. Her name is actually Mahin Ahmed. We tried to convince her to change her name so we wouldn't have to publish this corrigendum, but she said, “NO!”