The 'place' of a woman

Srabonti Ali
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I have been told over and over again by people of all different backgrounds and classes -- sometimes more eloquently and euphemistically than others -- that women should know their place. What that exact place is varies from person to person. Some people are more liberal than others in their views, but at the end of the day, everyone will agree that there is a certain "place" in society for women, and they should confine themselves within its perimeter.

Whether or not a woman who walks out of her house by herself is stepping out of that boundary is a mystery. It is common knowledge, however, that she will inevitably be subjected to some kind of harassment, whether it is someone staring at her inappropriately, or making unnecessary comments, or something even worse.

Acid throwing, rape, domestic abuse and general violence against women are rampant in our society -- and what makes it scarier is that, so many of the culprits get away with committing these crimes.

If they are not threatened or abused, they are ignored. Men look through them, turn a deaf ear to whatever is being said and generally pretend they don't exist. Either way, it is a general source of frustration for women. If they aren't being ignored, they are being harassed, and vice versa.

The problem lies in the fact that men are just not exposed to women being "out in the public sphere." Anything that deviates from societal norms poses a threat to people. Of course it is also a universal phenomenon that a man will admire film actresses, scantily dressed and dancing provocatively in the rain, while at the same time look down on the average girl-next-door, obviously "tainted," because she wants to be able to compete in the work force with a man, or even walk down the street without a chaperon or guardian.

It is hard to say how to overcome these double standards and suffocating norms. One can say education, through rallies, conferences, speeches, etc, but at the end of the day, that kind of education only targets a certain group of men. To change the way a society thinks is no easy feat. It takes decades to change a certain peoples' mentality. Maybe it will never change, but the best way to try is to continue to expose the society to that different "breed" of women. Bangladesh is moving along slowly, and not doing too badly, at that. But it will never progress unless we provide equal rights for women, not just on a legal basis, but also in the social spectrum.

The female gender is one that presents itself as an enigma for most people. What are we, at the end of the day? It would be simplifying matters too much to claim that generally in traditional Bangali society, women are seen as caretakers, wives, homemakers and mothers. At the same time, it would be farcical to state that women in Bangladesh are living in a gender-equal environment -- that they have complete control over their lives, both personally as well as in the work force. The fact is that there is no set definition to the role of the typical Bangali woman, except that like countless women around the globe, she is trying to make a place for herself in the world, in whichever way she can.
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The author is staff writer of Star Weekend Magazine.